commotiocordis

Dermatologists are freaking expensive.

Went to one a while ago to try and figure something out about my face. I've got the rosacea which makes me look like somebody slapped me around for 6 hours every time I exercise, eat spicy things, get too hot, put topical stuff on it (figured out that benzoyl peroxide, the acne medicine, is one of the main/worst ones that I react to, but only sometimes, and sometimes to other things too), or sometimes just when it feels like it. I've got acne; not a horrid amount, but it's bad when it's humid at all and I get about 1 of the gigantic, sometimes-scarring cystic things a month (though it's not period related, which sucks, because at least then I'd be able to know when I should screw the facial redness and start liberally applying zit cream). And on top of all that, my cheeks and sometimes my forehead are so dry they flake, so I can't wear makeup to cover up any of the previous, as it makes me look like a lizard shedding its skin.

So that's not fun. Normally, I'd be all "oh, face stuff's not going to kill you, just use zit cream or whatever" and not bother with the copay and perscription costs and such, but I've got such an abnormal combination of the rosacea reactivity and the acne and the dryness that means that literally anything I use for one is going to irritate the other two. The guy's answer two weeks ago or so was to use topical stuff for the rosacea (which is what I'm most worried about, as mine's already worse than my mom's, and it'll only get worse as I get older) and to put me on an antibiotic pill for the acne. I said no to the pill, because I'm not crazy about antibiotics period (when I get meningitis, I damn well want to not be resistant to any of the drugs because I'd been taking them for something stupid), much less for something like a little bit of acne, so I've got another cream for the acne that doesn't have benzoyl peroxide (you'd be surprised how many of even the common prescription ones have that in them), but still will probably dry me out like nobody's business, so I've not been using that one. Actually, I've not been using any of them because the samples ran out after 2 days or so.

Which brings us to today, so 400-someodd words later, I get to the point of this story. Expensive. I mean, I've got insurance and all, and the two creams are still $50 each. My other two prescriptions (my Ritalin and a migraine pill) that I got from the pharmacy today as well were only $5 each. Must remember to mandate to all doctors that I only will accept things with a generic from now on (like I did with my GP to get the generic migraine pill instead of the couple dollars a pill that my mom and sister pay for theirs. Mom took one of mine today to see if it works, because if it does, she's def. going to switch).

And that's my story. I'm exhausted, as I had my mock trial/fake jury panel thing all day today, so I missed my twisted-up bedtime by about 4 hours already. Tis a testiment to how tired I am (especially when you add to the previous that my stupid 4 day migraine has been making my sleep less than pleasant of late) that I know there's no way I'm waking up in time to go to the gym today and I don't even really care. Tomorrow is Psych, and I always go longer than usual because I want to make sure I'm well situated on a machine with a completely working TV (I usually just treadmill rather than the more intense machines because they have better TVs, LOL) well before it starts. Even though I usually don't care about the kid intro part.

I'm benching for the moment the issue that I will probably at some time need to broach in more detail regarding how I've royally fucked my life by somehow cutting my average microbiology test score in half on the last exam, turning my grade from just-a-few-more-points-till-an-A to if-I-drop-a-few-more-points-I'll-have-a-D which in turn will have the drastic effect of there being a very good chance I won't be back in the fall as I'll lose my scholarship.


So I wrote this paper for abnormal psych that's basically a mini case report on a fictional character. I did Olivia Benson, and really wish I'd had more time and more pages (I hit 10 already, LOL, when I think most people were closer to 4, though admittedly I had two pages of cleverly doctored [rather brutally with Paint, as I don't have Photoshop installed on my new hard drive yet] images of Olivia's psychological test results) to delve more into her character. As it was, I ended up missing microbiology (yeah, I know; in my defense, this was prior to seeing my last test score) and being late to psych today (yesterday, I suppose) morning finishing it up because I started out trying to do the episode research and double check every fact I remembered about her background because the paper-writing-fiend in me felt like I needed citations (none of which actually got saved into the final paper because I didn't want to break character, of sorts, as the therapist).

Also taking up more time than I expected to spend on the paper was the fact that I sort of changed where in SVU canon I was setting the fake therapy sessions--I put it vaguely after the "PTSD" episode, saying that she'd really realized there was a problem then and that her passive participation in group wasn't going to cut it and approached Huang for a referral for more intense help. In my big page of notes I'd already done way back in February or so (why I thought that this would take an hour, two at the most), I didn't take into account the "PTSD" epsisode much and put more emphasis on her reticence to open up due to perceiving the evaluating psychologist as a threat to her job (which I mentioned, but only shortly and accompanying the notation that she requested the referral on her own behalf).

But all of it. . . idk, I just feel like I could have explained my analysis of her behavior and reactions and such so much better. Not within the format he gave us, really, but if I'd had more leeway to add in notes from fictional individual sessions or something. The biggest part I felt that I got in there but didn't express/explain very well was the whole issue of how though she can objectively acknowledge that she was a victim of a sex crime, she was sort of cavalier about needing help, not taking the group therapy she was doing prior to "PTSD" seriously because she sees so many attacks that are so much more brutal every day and can dissociate and reflect on her symptoms and what she should be feeling but doesn't let herself actually *feel* them because so much of her identity is as a helper, not a victim.

I was very proud, however, of how many references to her unresolved issues with Alex I managed to work in, LOL. Again, I would have put that in there so many more times had I not been short on time (compounded by the forced delay caused by the asshole who decided it would be a fun April Fools' prank to grease the staircases and pull the fire alarm at 3am) and working from a given outline. I think somehow I lost a paragraph somewhere, though, because I was flipping back through it this afternoon and couldn't find the bit I swore I wrote (maybe just imagined and planned to write but never got around to?) where I explained more explicitly the halving of Olivia's social network (meaning Alex and Elliot) caused by Alex's entry into the WPP and her feelings of rejection due to the fact that not only did Alex abandon her but then not even try to reconnect upon her return to be bureau chief. Still, I got decidedly more explicit with my HoYay references as the paper progressed to the point that at the end, I came out and said in the case outcome bit that "a joint session with ADA Cabot made significant inroads into resolving mutual feelings regarding their relationship". Perceivable as platonic, yes, but in a Xena subtext way more than an SVU HoYay way, if that makes sense to anyone but me.

As it's vaguely like a fic, I'll prolly post it just for fun, but the reason I started typing this post up was to lead into the fact that while doing research for it, Google sent me to a really good (really long--I finished the parts 1-5 block a bit ago and that was 70 pages in itself, and I think it goes to 26 or so) SVU fic called "Conflict of Interest", in which a reference to the statute of limitations for rape sent me back to Google to find out what said limitations were for the different states. I found this chart (PDF) and started reading through it only to be caught up short on Arizona. Rape is a class 2 felony (without modifying circumstances, a first offense punishable by 5 years, OMGWTF). Marital rape? Class 6. First offense punishment is one year. Holy shit. Spousal rapists are required to register as sex offenders, though, which is better than I expected, but still. That's horrid. I wish to move to Arizona just to campaign against this bullshit.

Assume similar indignation for all the other states and their criminally short statutes of limitation/lengths of incarceration/ludicrous determinations that some rapes aren't as bad as others because you know the perp. Shall go back to reading through it now, because though I was really tired right after dinner (meaning when I got back to my room a bit before midnight), the combination of this good fic and the potential for learning, OMGYAY, has popped me pretty darn awake. Plus, Chelsea was snoring.

One last thing. OMG ER FINALE TOMORROW. And I'm really supposed to go to the pre-law fraternity meeting during the first hour of it, but I think not because I'm not missing this. I'm kinda sad because I've been watching it forever and it's the one through which I discovered the miracles of internet fandom, and it's ending, but it is time--I still watched it only really out of the afore-insinuated feelings of loyalty to it; though it always has its moments of really kickassery, it frankly hasn't been that good for a while now, especially when you're comparing it to how good the beginnings were. Still. There might be tears.

Whoa. New arrangement for the CSI: NY theme. Ehh. I prefer the original; it's closer to the real song.

(I can't believe I don't already have a CSI tag. Odd.)

And the next day.

I'm half watching an SVU (7.09 "Rockabye") right now when I wrote this while waiting for ER to come one, and Donnelly was about to try a case and Casey was talking her out of it for political reasons, and Liz says "Playing politics with the law. You're heading down a slippery slope, Casey." LOL, foreshadowing.

And the next day. Seriously, fail posting.

Last night was terrific success in not sleeping. It was inching on 1am and I was bedding down when Jason X (with both Lexa Doig and Lisa Ryder from Andromeda) came on. I hate movies like that, but for the sake of those two, I'd always looked at the copy of it on the shelf at the library but never actually checked it out (because I hate horror movies). It was the most ridiculous thing ever (though admittedly, I was only paying 1/2 attention as I figured out how to window my computer!TV screen and my Sims 2 screen and get them both going at once, which makes me very happy)--beyond the unbelievable plot and hackslashkilling where people lose arms by falling machetes and just walk around, etc., because I know Lisa Ryder as Beka Valentine, it was really hard to be anything but really annoyed at the chirpy robot chick. But after that, Rat Race came on, which I also watched. And then it's like 5:45am. So I ended up not going to Genetics (even though I was up, I just didn't feel like it), but that's no big loss as we talk about nothing of interest in that class. I'll have to get the review sheet for the next test at some point, as he said he'd hand that out today, but that's it.

AND I GOT THE MOCK TRIAL CASE. Have yet to read it, but I got my hands on a copy (we're still waiting for the money to go through to register our team for an official login, so this is wicked).

Bowled again today. This is prolly the 4th week in a row, and I think I'm definitely improving. Decided to start keeping track of our scores, so table o'recordage to follow in separate post.

And I might be going to the Denver game on Sunday. It was a bigger might be ("can get tickets, but how to get there without making Dad go three hours out of the way to pick me up"), and then a no (as it's 3 hours from him to Kansas City, and three hours from me to KC, but 6 hours from him to me to KC because fail!triangle is formed, and he's got to work Monday morning), and now it's a "Dad's coming down tomorrow, so it depends on my getting a ticket in time" maybe. Excitement.

Edit: tickets are bought and paid for. And decent seats. The two of us for less than $100, and we're in the 20th row in the lower level. 25 yard line, which isn't preferable (I wanted the $70 ticket in the first row close to the 50, but there was only one), but still win. (And since they switch sides at the half, it'll be good for half the game. Though it depends on how the game goes which half is good.)

Stargate Atlantis is screwing with my head. Robert Picardo and Jewel Staite just had a scene together talking about the gate, and my brain went "ONOES, too many sci-fi shows blending!"

Oh, and forgot to mention. Picked up ER season 5 from the library today, so yay for that. The beginning of 5 is one of the few sections of episodes I've never seen (or not seen in so long that I've completely forgotten), so this is win. Plus, no cohabs this weekend, so it's medical drama funtiems.

Might take another L.S.A.T. tomorrow morning depending on whether I feel like missing brunch or not (and whether I wake up). Food times on weekends suck here--it's 10:30-1:30 and then 5-7, which is crazy restrictive especially when you consider that it's even more packed than usual for whatever reason.