commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)

  • Wake up at 3am.

  • Play violin viola.

  • Laugh over how EVERYTHING I DO seems to cement my theory that I am actually a dumb Sherlock Holmes.

  • Decide to clean room.

  • Take some trash out and step in cat puke.

  • Get something like 6 loads of laundry ready.

  • Don't judge me, I just wear all the clothes I own and then do huge amounts of laundry like once every few months.

  • Find these grey trousers that used to be my fat pants. Sob over how they're a size 5.

  • Take a load of laundry out to the washer.

  • Step in cat puke.

  • Do the dishes while waiting for the washer to fill up.

  • Put in clothes.

  • Finish cleaning the kitchen.

  • Go back to my room to keep cleaning. Step in cat puke.

  • Take off skirt so it can go in the laundry and put on a pair of jeans instead that are clean because I haven't worn jeans in >2 years.

  • They're a size 11/12.

  • Consider killing self.

  • Seriously, I've been losing weight lately, but apparently I was right when I said it all came from my boobs. What the actual fuck, I'm pretty sure I wore that size when I weighed like 15-20 pounds more than I do atm.

  • "Chances" comes on laptop music shuffle. Decide today is for sobbing over "Vincent and the Doctor" and possibly alcohol.

commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Criminal Minds)
So, somebody prompted The reason why Mycroft and Sherlock don't get along is because, when he was desperate to quit cocaine/heroin (not sure what's the usual canon drug here) and asked Mycroft for help, all his brother did was lock him in a clinic and not bother to visit or call for months, even though Sherlock often tried to reach him on the kinkmeme.

I was going to comment with this, just noting how interested I was in her prompt because my head!canon is almost the exact opposite, but then it got long and idk if it even makes sense because it's almost past 5am, and whatever I can get between now and 7:30 is all I anticipate sleeping in the next 30 hours so I can't be arsed to look at it any more to make it more clear.


But basically, this is an idea I've had for a really long time, and something I'd like to write into a stand-alone fic/work into an existing in-progress fic/something at some point for BBC Sherlock, because it all really makes sense to me to explain the Mycroft/Sherlock feud and how lopsided it is (Mycroft is genuinely concerned; Sherlock won't even text him back). Sure, it might all be explained away by the sheer resentment you would expect with a brain-driven younger sibling whose older brother is better at people, and being accepted into society, and not becoming addicted to things like a common junkie, and even brainwork (which would be the real insult), but my head!canon likes to combine Sherlock getting clean-but-not-really with their rocky relationship.

Sometimes, you may really need help, and once you're past whatever, you don't really want to go back to the way things were, but being forced into treatment/getting help/whatever when you weren't ready, when it wasn't your decision can cause this resentment to build up for the person who did the forcing. It's fed by the misery/withdrawal/horribleness of the early days of treatment because you're sure things wouldn't be this bad if you were still in the throes of it, and it's allowed to fester over weeks of forced therapy and being treated like a child or a convict with rules and restrictions and no trust whatsoever. You come out of the other side healthier and possibly happier and on top of everything you owe that person your life because they saved it when you didn't want to be saved, and even though you may acknowledge that you're better off now, you fixate on how it should have been your choice and sometimes there's no salvaging that relationship.

Sherlock knew he needed to get clean if only for the work, because otherwise he wouldn't be able to take on police cases. Once he was, he stayed clean (even though his flat isn't--it's both a test of his own willpower and because to be honest, he doesn't really care that much if he goes back under), but he could have done it himself. Now, instead of getting to prove that to himself, he's spent ages in withdrawal and being treated like a child and patronized by two-bit counselors with a certificate from a semester of night school, and it's all Mycroft's fault.

For someone like Sherlock whose self-determinacy is such an important facet of his character, being forced into rehab (and we know God Mycroft could do it, not by brotherly influence but by tugging on the appropriate strings) would be an egregious affront to his person. I don't think they've ever had a particularly great relationship because of aforementioned general resentment from the "Mycroft is smarter/better/more social/nicer/not a junkie/did I mention smarter" type of thing, but Mycroft forcing Sherlock into rehab was the straw that broke the camel's back. They may couch it in cute sibling-ness like "arch-enemy" and little passive-aggressive things like not returning phone calls, and they're not bursting out into shouting fits because they've had a few years to calm down, but my head!canon has much of the underlying resentment (especially considering the shape of the dynamic we saw, with Mycroft's sincere caring about his brother and Sherlock rebuffing it) coming from this type of situation.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
You know what bothers me? The fact that I've never really been good at anything.

Ironic!LOL, Alexandria's melancholy when she's 28 hours from failing an organic chemistry test she can't get her stupid ass to study for and has slept weirdly (and by weird, I mean in 2 hour bursts with a very low total hour count) all week. It's 5am, which is probably the reason, though I've never found myself unable to allow the slightest stimuli to throw me into ". . . I fail" mode no matter what time of the day it is.

Wherein I mope and act all juvenile and emo while espousing how I fail. )
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (BoP)
You know what bothers me? The fact that I've never really been good at anything.

Ironic!LOL, Alexandria's melancholy when she's 28 hours from failing an organic chemistry test she can't get her stupid ass to study for and has slept weirdly (and by weird, I mean in 2 hour bursts with a very low total hour count) all week. It's 5am, which is probably the reason, though I've never found myself unable to allow the slightest stimuli to throw me into ". . . I fail" mode no matter what time of the day it is.

Wherein I mope and act all juvenile and emo while espousing how I fail. )
commotiocordis: (RDJude)
A Study in Improvisation
Author: [livejournal.com profile] crashcart9
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes 2009 RPF, Sherlock Holmes 2009
Pairing: RDJude (Robert Downey Jr./Jude Law), Holmes/Watson
Rating: Mature. Phone sex (because I had to get in on the RDJude phonesex trend). Not horribly explicit—something between R and NC-17.
Date: 23 January 2010
Words: 3600. And three.
Summary: “They’d improvised through this scene, these emotions once before, but it hadn’t gotten quite this maudlin. Almost, he amended, but not quite, and he wanted to see how far Robert would take it.”
A/N: This practice of running lines and just going to town within/after a scene closes is one that I’ve actually done before in theatre classes, both legitimately and. . . more to the tune of the direction in which RDJude took it (put it this way: I cannot read Romeo and Juliet without wanting to ship Juliet/Nurse now). With Robert’s recorded interest in improvisation over and above scripts, this was hardly a leap, I think ;)

And I don't even care if RDJ Googles himself and finds this. )

And for your viewing pleasure, link back to my RDJude picspam of a few days ago.
commotiocordis: (Telegram)
An analysis of selected lines of Arthur Conan Doyle's "A Scandal in Bohemia".
(Does anybody else start singing "La Vie Boheme" every time they see the title of this one?)
Photobucket
The story wherein Irene will fuck you up. )
commotiocordis: (Telegram)
GOLDEN GLOBES CELEBRATORY RDJUDE PICSPAM

A warning. This is huge. I mean HUGE. I mainly posted this as a resource to self for future party posts, so I didn't resize anything. HUGE
If you're clicking on a specific lj-cut link, wait a second to let all the pics load after you click or it won't send you to the right spot in the list.

1. (Use tongue, guise.)



Macros )


Premieres/Candids )


Posed shots )


And the final matched set of single shots )
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Holmes/Watson)
Okay. After sleeping on this, I'm no less moved by it, so it's getting the epic epic review I promised on Twitter. Problem is, I don't want to ruin any part of it, but the main premise is introduced all of 30 seconds into it, so I think I can get away with that.

Vagueness over.

First, this is a different fic than the one I'm talking about above, but just to make sure it gets seen, I actually went back and edited my post of "A Fool's Game", the Holmes/Watson fic I posted the other day to link to "Partings" by Daylyn. I read that last night as well, and if I didn't know better I might have thought hers was for the same [livejournal.com profile] sherlockkink prompt as mine, if not mine having actually been written as a prequel to hers. It's exactly how I imagined the morning and days after my telling of Sherlock's actions on Watson's wedding eve, and therefore highly recommended.



And now, the other one.

I don't often remember the first fic I read in a fandom.

What I do remember is the first fic in a fandom to make me really cry.

In Harry Potter, it was Mapmakers (Making Moony Laugh: The Suicide is Painless remix), which I cannot recommend enough, because it still manages to make me cry every time I read it even though it's been probably 5 years.

In Sherlock Holmes, it was "Living With Ghosts". I'd read fics that gave me a sniffle, maybe even a tear or two, but this was the first Sherlock Holmes story that really, truly made me cry.

"Living With Ghosts" is an end-of-life retelling of the entire span from Holmes' return post Reichenbach Falls until Watson's death. It takes a premise done not-infrequently in post-"Friend In Need" Xena fics--one living partner, one dead one that follows and assists as spirit/ghost--and, just like in Xena fandom, manages to make it instead of campy or farcical, extremely sad. Holmes and Watson had never expressed anything deeper for each other--never had the chance--pre-Holmes' untimely death at the hands of Colonel Moran, the air-gun bullet having found its target in the wax bust but Moran pulling a knife in the ensuing struggle and Holmes exsanguinating in Watson's arms. We follow Watson through his grief; assuming he's mad when Holmes reappears; the joy in solving cases again together and keeping Holmes' memory alive by fictionalizing the cases into ones solved by a corporeal Holmes with Watson assisting; the frustration and utter tragedy when they finally realize their feelings for each other and can't touch; and the all-encompassing, heart-wrenching, soul-squeezing grief when, after Watson is injured by Killer Evans, Holmes decides he can't lead his partner into danger anymore and disappears for the rest of Watson's life.

I'm a sucker for end-of-life type stories as a whole, because they're sad, but in a happyending type way because THEY GET TO BE TOGETHER AGAIN YAY. Pure angst I can read all day long with no problem, but this entire thing was so beautiful--hopeful in the middle part of the interspersed ghost!Holmes and Watson solving mysteries together, but the happy was tempered in your stomach by the fact that you know that Holmes is really dead, and they can't touch, and Watson can't talk to him like he'd like to for fear of being shipped off to Bethlehem Hospital, and Holmes is pressuring him to get on with his life, to get married, and then Holmes leaves and you know it ends with Watson dying alone from the bordering and intermittent snips of him in hospital, and it's so. . . *tears*.

If you want to know the ending before you start, the quote I've blacked out below is, I'm sure, the line entirely responsible (you know, in conjunction with the PMS, but I'm still not easily weepy, so don't take that as any kind of a diminishment of the beautiful tragedy that is this fic) for the fact that my weepiness persisted a good 10 minutes after I finished it. And the resurgence of heavy-blinking to dispel eyewatering just now when I tried to explain this fic to my sister. I mean. . . oh my god. I cannot, cannot cannot recommend a fic more than something that makes me cry just thinking about it the next day. That, my friends, is writing.

This line is probably not nearly as powerful if you haven't just spent the last 30 pages in the emotional wringer that is this fic, but nevertheless:
“After all these years you waited to come back to me at my death?” I did not know if I was grateful or resentful of that fact. I just knew that I wanted him close to me.

“You held me as I died, Watson,” he murmured as he reached out to stroke my face. “I felt that I could do nothing less than return the favor.”


I fear that my review is not nearly as eloquent as I would wish to do justice to this magnificent work. I've been working my way through all of the http://www.excessant.com/HI/authors.htm fics more or less systematically, and I haven't stumbled across a bad fic yet. Indeed, most are worthy of my bumbling praise, but this one has the dubious honor of being one of the few that I have a feeling will stick in my mind for a very long time to come. Read it. Have tissues handy.


And in case anybody was curious how I did the blackout thing (as I had to look it up):
commotiocordis: (Telegram)
Oh my God, look what I did. Of the four Sherlock Holmes fics I've got started, I managed to start and finish a fifth this morning after [livejournal.com profile] bleakone linked me to the insane relevance to my interests that is the [livejournal.com profile] sherlockkink meme.

This is way, way, way too long to fit in a comment, I think, so I'm going to post it here and hope I'm not breaking all the kinkmeme rules by linking here instead. Even though the prompt was posted just a little while ago and I totally was going to just prompt myself and post this, it's exactly what I was thinking (though my prompt would have specified Holmes/Mary hatesex).

Title: A Fool's Game
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes (<3<3<3) Movieverse primarily (Holmes meeting Mary at dinner in the film), with hints of bookverse filler.
Pairing: Holmes/Mary hatesex, Holmes/Watson unrequited
Rating: R
Summary: for [livejournal.com profile] sherlockkink's "unrequited Holmes/Watson with Watson leaving for Mary no matter what Holmes says"
Angst ahoy. )


ETA: Several days after writing this, I found "Partings" by Daylyn. If I didn't know better, I'd think that I wrote "A Fool's Game" as a prequel to that one. Linking because I highly recommend it.
commotiocordis: (Telegram)
A review of the www.221b.sh Sherlock Holmes tie-in webgame.

You may have been bothered by the increase in Tweeting lately copied over to my LJ, most of which probably made no sense. They were [livejournal.com profile] bleakone and I going to town on this game and peppering up the normal, required discussion between partners with. . . you know, normal required discussion between partners. Because that's totes how these two roll, no lies. Anyway, I'm planning to clean that up and turn it into some kind of post at some point--though ficcing the entire thing would be far too much effort (it covers some 4 months-ish of character time), adding in basic annotations to explain what's happening in the case so people can lolz at our ability to sex it up Victorian England murder scenes is hardly out of the question.

But a review of the game itself (copypasted from a site that I posted it on, which is why the beginning is exactly what I've explained above):

As someone who totally missed this until after seeing the movie, I still found it an incredible bit of fun to play all the way though. I wish they had enumerated the reputation levels at the beginning, however, as I would have bet higher earlier on had I known that there is a jump from 30,000’s “Unquestionable” to 100,000 for “World Famous”. I spent a not-inconsiderable amount of time playing through the entire thing–it took me about a week, I think, but my Watson and I were more or less role-playing via Twitter the entire time to accompany our gameplay, which probably slowed us down a bit.

Communication is definitely necessary, as the game often states–there is information perhaps not vital, but definitely helpful that is only relayed to the interviewing character and not recorded in the case notes, so one’s partner is not privy to it without direct tête-à-tête between a Holmes and his Watson. Based on what I’ve seen, playing as Holmes, I feel like Watson had a harder time of it and often more to do per chapter, to be honest–the interview segments were mostly Watson’s purview, and unlike the “chase somebody” or “sneak around and pick locks” segments, information is required prior to success in these, often information from one’s partner’s casefile.

Anyway, to quash my inherent verbosity and leave you with a summary of my opinion, A++ WOULD WILL PLAY AGAIN. I’m interested to try my hand at the interview segments of Watson’s (though I know all the deductions, I don’t know exactly what my partner had to ask in these tasks), though I’ll probably wait until right before the DVD comes out so I don’t remember *all* the answers. Hopefully, it will still be around for a while to come. I really hope they find some way to incorporate it on the DVD itself, because though this doesn't have multiple outcomes/tasks, so when you know the answers you know the answers, it really does directly correspond to the beginning of the movie--all this work is to track down the murderer that we find Watson and Holmes hot on the trail of during the opening scene of the film. This much backstory, richly interwoven with not-easy puzzles and awesome movie cut-scenes, should not be lost to the internets.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Holmes/Watson)
So. Twitter will update the LJ with most of the squeeing in a short time, but I had to throw out a regular post just to emphasize.

OH. MY. GOD. Sherlock Holmes was amazing. There are bits I had qualms with--to keep it fairly unspoilery, some of the fight scenes (the first one with the big guy in particular) seemed to just drag on too long, virtually all the funny banter about the dog between Holmes and Watson was eclipsed in my mind by the singularly unfunny dogfart gag, and though [livejournal.com profile] bleakone quickly set me straight, how/why the police turned on Holmes so quickly wasn't explained in the story very clearly (twas very easy to logic out, but I still had to wonder for a minute).

BUT THE GAY. They were like House and Wilson on their very best days--all of the mischief, none of the malice. There's touching, there's odd-couple banter, there are throw-away lines like when Holmes reaches towards Watson's belt and says "Don't get excited", there's Holmes trying to break up Watson and the fiancée, and there's real, genuine affection between the two. As an unapologetic slasher, I didn't even have to work for this one--hell, I would have caught it with my eyes closed and one ear plugged, and I loved it. There's a lot of Robert Downey Jr./Jude Law RPS-ability floating around in interviews and such as well, as would be expected with chemistry and an on-screen bromance bout of eyeshagging of this magnitude.

As someone who has read none of the Doyle canon and only absorbed the general gist of the stories from general culture (thank you, Wishbone), I was struck by how true a lot of the House/Wilson relationship is to (at least this depiction of) the Holmes/Watson relationship--in fact, some of it was so striking that I really begin to question whether some coloring of Downey and Law's portrayals didn't occur as a result of such a clear and highly-visible Sherlock Holmes analogue in the House characters. (Partway through, I began referring to Scotland Yard as The Ducklings in my head, in reference to House's gaggle of fellows.)

One scene really impressed me because Robert Downey Jr. (or rather, Guy Richie, as it was clearly more of a directorial decision) played Sherlock in a restaurant scene as fairly clearly some form of something on the low end of the autism spectrum--the camera jumped between sounds and sights and noticing minute details in a cacophonous way that really screamed hypersensitivity to me. That's something that they've fiddled with once or twice on House (the episode "Lines in the Sand" with the autistic patient coming immediately to mind) and really deserves exploration. How much does the genius spectrum overlap with that of autism or AD/HD? I'd go so far as to call myself one of the more socially-adjusted members of the "Program for the Exceptionally Gifted" in my city (though the exact opposite of a social butterfly, I am this), but 99% of us had at least one pinpointable neurosis.

Of note is Sherlock Holmes' drug use being completely absent from the movie save one particularly trippy scene in Holmes' head that I assumed was drug induced but was never shown to be. Liquor is present, as well as tobacco out the wazoo (though I was interested to notice a disclaimer at the end of the credits stating that no money nor anything else of worth was accepted in exchange for the presence/promotion of tobacco products in the film), but nothing harder is administered by Holmes to himself. Dad mentioned yesterday that he'd heard that this was going to be the case because RDj has had drug issues in the past, but I assumed it wouldn't be so simply because that's such a well-known part of the Holmes character that they wouldn't dare leave it out. Turns out they did. (Or if it was even implied beyond possibly the one aforementioned scene, I missed it completely, which is to the same effect.)

Also, Guy Richie. My dad had been sort of "Meh. Hope he doesn't blow this, since all he's really done is marry Madonna," so I was vaguely worried. BE NOT AFRAID, THE CHEMISTRY OVERPOWERS ALL. Also, THE MUSIC OH MY GOD THE MUSIC. I was excited before even walking in to the theatre because I had heard that it was Hans Zimmer, who also scored/was score producer for THE LION KING and all three PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN. He does not disappoint. Not at all, especially for someone with a fiddling background like myself--a lot of string-driven music (as befits a movie wherein the titular character annoys his partner by "playing the violin at three in the morning").

In an overall format sort of way--and this may be a throwback to the actual books; again, haven't read them (yet! They've just been bumped to the top of my reading list--recs for the especially H/W ones are much obliged!) and so if it is, this can be completely ignored--I wasn't a crazy fan of the way they just vaguely showed Sherlock touching things, looking at them, etc., but never really confirming theories or even elucidating them until the wrap-up at the end. I would have liked a little more believability than just a flashback to oh, he touched that and rubbed it between his fingers so he must have known that it was a special supersekrit kind of magically activated poison. A shot of him dropping some kind of chemical on his thumb shortly thereafter and there being a reaction (since it's poison, I'm imagining pain and thus the following scene being similar in tenderness and homoeroticism to that of Wilson bandaging House's hand after he bashed it with the pestle, but that's how it should go for realsies just me) would have lessened the strain on my credibility.

Finally, SEQUEL. I mean, not since Pirates of the Caribbean has there been such a blatantly obvious sequel setup, but similarly to Pirates, I didn't really feel unfulfilled. This was slightly farther towards unfulfilled than PotC, to be honest, but the immediate mystery was solved, and if another that had been running through and between and tangentially to and around the main one the entire time was left unwrapped *cough*Moriarty*cough* (seriously, yet again, never read the books and I could see that coming from the very beginning), that was sort of okay. Especially considering that the larger mystery is Moriarty, and knowing that makes you sort of figure "Well, yeah, he's the nemesis. "Captain Hammer is my nemesis. . . . Captain Hammer, corporate tool." It's not going to be solved in a single encounter, particularly not the very first encounter." If the movie hadn't had its penultimate scene with them recapping everything more or less in the perspective of what they didn't know (meaning the Moriarty stuff), I think it would have been less recently emphasized in my mind and thus less buggy. But I'm especially okay with it because it means SEQUEL.

(Dear Watson. Dump the broad. Spoiler alert, in the books she dies anyway and you go back to Holmes. Might as well skip all the middle stuff and just not bother moving. Love, the women. All of us. And some of the guys.)

Anyway, since it's pushing 3 and I can't do much more talking without pulling out spoilery specifics, I say this, to recap: OMG THE GAY. SEQUEL NOW PLS. SEND ME HOLMES/WATSON FIC RECS AND THE DOYLE BOOKS WITH PARTICULAR HOYAY CONTENT. MUST WATCH AGAIN SOON. xD

ETA: Yeah, Sherlock Holmes just got its own tag. I like this fandom that much.

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