commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Got an email from my Biomolecular Interactions professor telling everybody to sign up for the online class. . . idk, document repository and grade report thing. It's still got stuff from last year up, which I'm pulling off and looking at (from fall as well as spring, which leads me to hope that he leaves at least one of them up all year for studying purposes) and this guy looks pretty awesome. I'm excited. It's my major's department, the same one as the genetics class from last fall that I loved (though a lot of that was because I love genetics as a topic), and there seems to be quite a variance in teaching methods in the syllabus. Papers, quizzes, tests, articles to bring home and read, group work (blech on that one, if only because I tend to fail at. . . making friends), some thing entitled "service project," which really intrigues me.

--thought sidetrack ("That would have been hard last year; I'll have to have a car to do any kind of service anywhere.") I do not know what (if!) car I'm taking to Springfield. Except that it's not the van nor either of my parents' cars. Which means it's the red car, which, while I love it, cannot do highways for extended periods of time. I jog from one exit by the Walmart to the next by my house sometimes on the highway just so I don't have to deal with traffic lights, and it's not happy getting up to 60. Most of that drive to school is 70, and I'll be damned if it's going to take me 8385673 hours because I have to take backroads. Plus, no cruise control. Plus, (and this is the biggest plus) no air conditioning. And I can't exactly open the windows on the highway unless I want to get negative 48 mpg.

I was rather seriously looking into if it would go on the Cash for Clunkers barely-masked-extra-auto-industry-bailout thing that I'm paying $3 billion into, but no. Even though in practical driving (I've measured) it gets comparatively shitty gas mileage (for that little thing. I wonder if something's wrong, because Dad says he's gotten mid 30s when he was driving it when we first got it, but all I get is 22), it's not shitty enough according to their records. And because of this hugely popular car trade-in program, nobody'll give me anything for it for a good while until after the program's done. Oh, and plus it's not actually my car, so it's not like the parentals would let me keep any money I got from trading it in. Details.

--end thought sidetrack. *scrolls up to read what the hell she was actually talking about*
Oh yes. Besides the fact that the lab is back to back with my organic chemistry lab (fuck. me.) adding up to my 9 to 6 or 7 school day on Mondays, it looks interesting. I'm the kind of kid that's always been fine with the straight up lecture courses if you make me interested (meaning the plethora of amazing history teachers I've had), but the stuff I really retain? Let's look at the abnormal psych course that I got some 99% in this spring without buying the book much less reading it, all because I had fun in my AP psych class 3.5 years prior. A bit less so, but ditto to 2 years ago's AP economics that I remember much more than I ever would have expected (meaning. . . more than 0. I'm not good with it, but I can tell that it would take 15 seconds of refresher to bring it all back) considering that I couldn't give a flying fruitbat about econ and was only taking it because I'd pretty much exhausted the school's offerings and it was the only prerequisite-less AP course I hadn't yet taken.

As usual, this was a few days ago. New stuff.

I met Ianto!kitten and he is adorable. [ profile] bleakone and my house is going to be a freaking menagerie. Yay for this.

I got some of the most awesome shoes ever today. AND THEY DON'T FIT. So pissed off, as that was the only size they had in the store and natch, my sister got one too and they fit her. Going to have to try to shop them around to the other branches (dad says the storelady said that there were three of the same stores within 15 miles, though he got them in the first place so I couldn't even tell you what store it was) and try to swap up. They're like Chucks or whatnot, that canvasy style, in black, BUT KNEE HIGH BOOTS. It's like 10th Doctor went through a sex change machine and all his clothes got changed as well, this is how awesome. And they're $80-something normally and he bought them for $30, which is way more than I would ever, ever spend on shoes, but Dad gets pissed off when I talk about returning things he bought for me because he thinks I don't like it rather than it's just me being obsessively cheap, so after he huffed for the first time I quickly made it seem that it was just because they didn't fit rather than because OMG$30SHOES and that they didn't fit, hence why I now have to look up where those other stores are. And hope he didn't pitch the receipt (like usual). Kind of hard to look up when I have no idea where, though, so that'll have to wait.

Also spent the better part of the last few days looking for cars on Craigslist. Emailed a couple of people, and here's a shoutout to the lady that was all honest-like and told me that the car she had wasn't for me (I mentioned that I was leaving in a few weeks) because though the part it needed replaced was a cheap replacement (which was all my googling had found me re: the problem the listing said it had), it was lodged between the engine and the transmission, so not an easy fix. I like that she told me that so much that I kind of want to show the listing+email to dad and ask him what he thinks--he fixes all of the cars everything by himself (plus the kids as his bitches, naturally), so it might not be impossible, and I think it was otherwise a decent car for like $700.

ETA: Oh, except that I deleted the email yesterday and it's not in my trash anymore. Oh well. Cheaper to just put a cruise control on the red car like I want to.

There was a millipede (or some such many-legged fellow) on my bed a moment ago. Such are the perils of living in the basement. So I caught it and stuck it in a plastic bag that was within arm's reach. And bit some air holes in the very top and set it down to show people in the morning. Only to realize a few minutes later that it turns out I didn't need the air holes anyway, as half of one side of the bag was split open. So now there's a millipede on my floor somewhere. If it crawls anywhere on my body, though, I cannot be responsible for what my reflexes do.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
*has fixed nothing regarding history situation*

I've got to go learn equilibrium and acid/base stuff for big chemistry exam tomorrow morning. Grr. I've been so stressed about other stuff that I haven't studied for this exam, which is prolly the most important one of all of them this year. And it's not like I just learned all the stuff either, as this was a 2 year course and it's comprehensive. And it's not like the teacher has taught it all either, because I'm looking through the review stuff and there's some stuff that I should know that I don't, but there's other stuff that I've never heard of.

Hard drive is fucked again. I don't understand this. Now it's something with the power/data connection. I've got to have it propped up so the cord is being pulled up while the drive is being pushed down for it to connect right. It lost connection in the middle of my downloading something, though, and my entire fandoms folder corrupted. Which freaked me out because though I've started backing up all my harddrive stuff onto the main computer, I hadn't done it recently and had just started a couple of new stories and worked a bit on another that I didn't have anywhere else. But if you reboot the computer, windows can fix stuff like that automatically sometimes, when it's not a hardware problem (as it was with my first drive) making the files inaccessible. And it did, and I backed stuff up and am now in the process of burning off all my episodes of Battlestar Galactica in case it screws up again.

And I found this meebo place that lets you IM online without downloading anything (because my main computer is crazily full because of my backing up of stuff) so I'm now prolly going to occasionally be on LJ talk if you want to hit me up there. Or maybe other places if I play with it more--I'm not really looking at it as I'm working on figuring out this new Nero thing instead.
commotiocordis: (QPicard)
Classes are winding to a close and I find myself quite miserable.

I haven't been able to turn in that history paper that I wasn't writing when I was sick because of my stupid teacher complex. It's worse this year than ever before; I'm simply incapable of turning things in late (even if it was because I was sick) because I hate drawing attention to myself in that way. And it screws me over something fierce; without this paper, I've got a C for semester at best. Turn it in, I might be able to pull a B. (And it's only not an A because I pulled the same shit the quarter before this one, was sick and never made up a couple of quizzes or turned in one assignment and ended up with a D for first quarter.)

And the problem's the worst with this one teacher. I don't know why. And I don't know what I'm going to do. I have to turn this paper in. But now I've let it get two weeks late, so it's even harder, you know? That's the problem with this weirdothing of mine. I make up some excuse to myself or conveniently forget for days and days and days, and it gets worse and worse because whatever was due/needed to be taken longer and longer ago.

I'm doing something I never do now, though, actually checking my grades on the online thing. I never do it because I just don't want to see, honestly, because I've totally fucked up my life this semester, and the few times I do look I tend to close the page wanting to die.

Yeah, right now it's a D- in history. I've got to fucking turn that thing in. But I can't exactly walk up there and go "Here, I know it's 2 weeks late but I've developed this gut-wrenching, paralyzing fear of talking to teachers and so in order to avoid all confrontation, I've simply not handed it in until now; even though every day when I walk through the door I plan to give it to you, I freak out or rationalize some excuse about why it's not a good day and end up just not being able to. But I'm actually doing it now, because I'm not fucking ending the year on such a horrible note, with me giving in to this stupid shyness shit I thought I beat back in elementary school. That and if I actually end up with a D on my report card for semester I think I probably will kill myself because as of right now I've not been seeing many reasons not to," because I'll either not do it at all or end up crying because I've been so miserable lately and I'm not going to fucking cry in front of my history teacher, because I know a lot of my problem with handing in things late is that it makes me look weak and leaves me vulnerable and stuff and crying will do both to a factor of 10.

And I just did the math and there's no way for me to pull a B in history at all. I thought the D from 3rd quarter was higher than it was, making it possible, but no. So I don't know what I'm going to do. I went from As in all but 2 classes first semester to maybe one A in the bunch, a bunch of Bs, and either a C or a D depending on whether I keep fucking myself up and hand in this bloody paper or not.

I know I've said this a bazillion times, but I've got the biggest feeling of desperation right now because I don't know what I'm going to do. I almost want to just ask somebody else to hand the paper in for me, or slip it in his desk or something, but I have a feeling that if I don't explain something that there's no chance I'll get any kind of credit for it. I wanted to talk to the counselor at school about it when I was in there on Thursday working on scheduling stuff but blaming it on there not being enough time, I fucking chickened out there too and didn't even mention it. I'll probably have to try to talk to her about it again, though, because I know with my mood right now that I'm going to end up crying when I'm trying to explain it, but at least with her there's the female factor so it's less intimidating (I seriously think the fact that he's a man has something to do with why it's worse with him than some of my other teachers. I don't understand why I've all of a sudden developed a man-complex, but I just realized that I pulled the same crap a few weeks ago and never made up a quiz for my Spanish teacher, who's also male, suggesting more than a little correlation there) and the fact that she already knows that I've been having problems this year and so maybe can help me talk to him and put in some kind of good word behind my back that will make him a little more amenable to giving me credit.

Yes. I've been stressing about exams and this and such, which I think has contributed both to my uber bad allergy attack these last few weeks (it's never been this bad in my entire life) and the severity of this hormonally-induced mood downswing (this version of the pill has done nothing for me-didn't fix the moods, didn't lessen the cramps, didn't shorten/lessen the actual period, nothing. I'm going to have to get switched pretty soon, as I think after 3 months I should be seeing something). And both of those have equaled me not studying for the big chemistry exam on Tuesday (meaning tomorrow, damn it), which have equaled more stress and miserableness in the big neverending cycle that I've acknowledged but not been able to break free from all year.

So if any of you have magic telepathic history teacher mind-bending grade-changing powers and would like to aim them my way, that'd be lovely. Otherwise, I've got to suck it up and go talk to him. Perhaps if I give him the paper and maybe ask him if I can take a final or something (as the class is exempt) to boost it a couple of points?
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. Definitely wasn't planning to be sick all weekend. Lo and behold, I was. No surprise there. But the kicker is that I had a paper due on Monday, and hadn't had time to do it until the weekend, when naturally I was too sick to move. You know how your mother always told you not to procrastinate because something like that would happen? It seems to happen to me an unfair proportion of the time.

Stayed home Monday figuring I could do it then (and because I had started coughing up blood and didn't want to share that with everyone), but ended up not-sleeping most of the day -- you know, when you're exhausted because you're sick but miserable enough that you can't sleep -- and though I was feeling better this evening, my throat's starting to get nasty again and I can't stay up and finish this thing if I want to be even semi-productive tomorrow.

So it's going to be two days late.

I'm just having a horrible time trying to find the time to do much. I don't know where all my time has gone lately, because I haven't studied for finals or written any of these papers or read the play I was supposed to or updated my theatre portfolio/journal thing, etc. And not helping it is that since last Sunday at the Earth Day thing when I got the uber sun exposure I've had the most messed up sleep cycle. I'm totally thrown off. It's horrible.

Yes. So. This is me writing this and not writing my paper or doing anything else productive because I'm still too sick to think. Going to have to go to school tomorrow no matter what because I've already exceeded the maximum days absent that you can still get credit for the class in most of my classes by 2 and will have to make those up probably this week (as though I don't have time really this week, my having even less time begins next week as we start 3 weeks of finals).

And umm, 92 degrees today? WTF? It's not even May for crying out bloody loud.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Worked at my dad's school all afternoon on Tuesday for some competition for all the middle school gifted students in the district. I didn't actually get to see any of them compete, though, which was somewhat disappointing as it sounded like a pretty cool thing -- they wrote skits a while back, memorized them, etc, and when they got to the competition they were given a character, a prop, and a line that they had to work in somehow and they only had a few minutes to figure out how. I believe that may have only been one part of the competition, though, as there seemed to be a lot of different categories that didn't quite seem to fit with what he had told me they did when Dad was announcing the awards. That and his kids (or at least one group of them, I'm not sure how many there were or how it exactly worked) won, so I imagine they were pretty good at it. Problem was that it took a while -- he said we'd be home around 6, we didn't get back until 7:40 at the earliest. And I hadn't gotten much sleep Monday night and had been standing up making popcorn and running things around for hours Tuesday afternoon, so when I got home I decided to take a nap. Nothing strange there. Until I didn't wake up until 3:30am. Ouch. And then I looked at my watch, figured screw it, and went back to sleep. So I didn't have anything done for classes today. Not that I would have done anything anyway, but I had to take two Spanish quizzes over parts of the play I hadn't read (one because I was planning to read it Tuesday night and one because I thought we didn't have to have it read until Thursday but probably would have started Tuesday night anyway had I been awake).

So I missed NCIS and House and everything. Not fun there. I'll have to get those some time.

Tonight we went to our credit union's annual members' meeting thing. Twas at some banquet center thing and I expected thusly the food to be quite good, but it was merely passable. Not bad, but nothing to brag home about. Still. You walk in the door and they give you one of those plastickyacrylic drawstring tote bag things and a magnetic memo board, then they feed you, then they talk for a bit (but it wasn't that long, thankfully), then they introduce everybody, then they do a trivia contest and draw door prizes. We were in first on the trivia the entire time until the music category (which you'd think I'd be good at, but it was all really old popular stuff; they'd give you a line and you'd have to give the next one without even having been given the song or artist) where we ended up down by one and got beaten in the STL Landmarks category (because it was all downtown, where I never go. Seriously, it's sad. I've lived here all my life and I know Chicago better).

Funny thing was, I had been joking the entire time about how the door prizes should have been cash instead of stuff at the credit union meeting (it was totally random-- some wine basket, a garden hose, potpourri and dish, fancy lotion, a container with a bunch of snacks, etc.), and then the trivia prizes were cash. So I made $5 for getting second, which was especially nice considering I knew virtually none of the questions (usually I'm passable, but these were obviously geared for the older crowd; after me and some of the younger bank teller types that worked there, the next youngest was easily my mom, followed by my dad, and besides them I doubt there was anybody under 60) and was of little help at all. That and two muffin tins and a box of blueberry muffin mix from the door prize. So. Five bucks, a bag and memo board, and muffins; I'd say that was a good haul.

Talked to my old US history teacher today and asked him if he knew of any political cartoons that I could use for this dumb research paper I've got to do for history. Because he always had cartoons to illustrate stuff (because that was what was on all the tests and he wanted to prepare us. Which he did well. Looking back, he was probably my favorite teacher that year for sheer volume of stuff learned) and I was having trouble finding a good one. As my teacher of this year strongly suggested that we have one as part of our bazillion required sources. The whole assignment is crap. It wouldn't bother me so much if he didn't insist on calling it a Document Based Question, which implies an essay with 5-8 sources given to you which you use to support your given topic that you should be able to write in about 50 minutes (as it was on the US History test and will be on the History of the Americas test), and not a research paper with a given topic and 5-8 sources we've got to go find. When he calls it a DBQ it makes it sound like it's okay that he assigned this big, high point valued paper to be done in a week right before the huge finals start.

On that note. Looked at my calendar thing today and freaked out. Evidently my math tests are only in a week and a half and chemistry in two. Holyfuck. I had no idea. I've been trying to keep my head above (as these next two or three weeks are frakking hell every year in every class) in my non-hugeassfinals classes and not really reviewing at all for the ones with said finals. So I'm going to go die now.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So, when this theatre thing says "approximately 3000 words in length", am I going to get knocked off for it being much closer to 4000? Because this is even without a lot of the stuff that I had intended to put in there; it's maybe 2/3 of all the stuff I wrote over the semester and a half so far.

Edit: Well, damn. You know it's late when I was somehow thinking that I was only 100 words over, and not 1000. That is way too much. *starts trimming*

Ah, bugger it. I've been actually working on it for about 3 hours, more or less straight, so that's impressive. Because a lot of what I first wrote was rambly as I was writing about the rehearsal I was observing as it was going on and such, so I had to not only type a bazillion pages worth of crap but fix and rewrite it all too.

Now onto the math. Grr. As I don't know how I'm supposed to do this thing as it gives us a bunch of data and I know the type of equation I'm supposed to extrapolate (it's half-life of a malaria drug), but my calculator won't do that. So, umm, I'm just going with the best thing the calculator can give me. Because I still have a lot of history to learn (as he didn't frakking teach anything, as usual), a bio lab to finish, and a 3 paragraph english thing to write after that. The only one that actually might get done tonight (as it has to) being the math, however. Everything else can be done shittily in the morning or during the day.

Last day before spring break, though, yay for that. After this, it's mostly all review for finals and such in my harder classes, and all the major paper type things are done save one more in English, I think. Good.

Staying awake purely thanks to the power of Diet Dr. Pepper and slightly stale popcorn. (It shouldn't be stale as I only made it last night and this stuff lasts forever because it's made in the actual popcorn machine type thing, but it rained late last night and was horridly humid both inside and out and that killed it slightly. Still tastes good, just have to chew it longer.)
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Kicked that chemistry test's ass. As hoped. Needed a 63 or 65 or something to get an A, I got a 79. Wicked.

Only got 80% or so on the math test, which sucked. There's a very obvious difference between the first day of the test and the second on almost everybody's (mine's a 72 on day one and 87 on day two) because we all tried to do it for a really long time without the calculator before we all sort of picked our heads up at once and told the teacher that it was impossible. Which was entertaining, because it was like telepathy or something, it was literally everybody at the same time. So we only got the calculator for the last 10 minutes or so, which wasn't enough time. I stayed after for a few minutes to try and finish it, but I knew that I couldn't be late again or theatre teacher would have my ass, as I had been late the day before for another test also. So I sucked the first part up, as did everyone.

Was passing fics around today. Made me laugh. In math, I was reading a page and then passing it to Cy, who sits next to me. Through almost the whole story. Except I was missing a page, which saddened me. I had to just tell him what happened on that page. And Katie borrowed my other one to read during her math, which is same hour, different class. Yay for the sharing of the femslash love.

History teacher compounded review assignments, which made me scowl. He assigned one on Thursday due the coming up Thursday (that nobody worked on on Thursday because that was the day before part of our paper was due) and assigned another one today that's due at the end of class tomorrow. Grr. And I've got to revamp my summary of evidence because for some reason he still has a zero for me on that, which has me at like a D for quarter which is badbadbad, but due to my dumb thing, I don't want to give it to him and in doing so remind him that it's a zero. Even though I'm pretty sure I gave it to him way long ago, I might not have, and I don't like drawing attention to what could be my mistake.

So. Week before finals. Tis always a bitch. Got 5 hours of sleep total the week before finals last year. I don't remember if that was winter or spring finals, but I'm thinking spring. Luckily, though, the spanish, biology, and chemistry finals look to be (in order of mention) easy, ridiculously easy, and inconsequential this year. Math is going to suck, as it's 26% of our semester grade and won't bring me up really significantly, but has the power to pretty much fail me if I bomb it. History is going to suck because I don't know shit about it. As he hasn't taught shit about it. I was supposed to have a quiz today in that class--he replaced it with this dumb review assignment which I suppose is better, but annoying--and I realized last night that I had no idea what it was over. None whatsoever. I could not tell you anything we covered since the last quiz. Something about Canada. And John A. MacDonald. And Mounties. I remembered the Mounties. That was it. But then he had us read about Latin America in the book (which I couldn't find and must locate over break) and never talked about that at all, so I was worried that the Canadia stuff was in the last section and the Latin America was all that this quiz was over. Still don't know what it was supposed to be on. Though I really should be working on the dumb due-tomorrow review.

That's another thing. I've noticed that just this year, just these last few months, my procrastination has been taken to another level. It started with me doing things all the day before they were due. Okay. I'm cool with that. Then it became me doing them the night before they were due. Now it's more like me doing them at 4:30 the morning they're due. Or during classes before the class that it's due for, more likely. I've always done that, but it's become more and more, bigger things than just math homework or spanish pages.
And I'm pushing the turning things in late thing as far as it will go. It was a joke among my friends that they'd always say "Oh, Alexandria's not going to be at lunch Wednesday. We've got a paper due tomorrow," because I'd be writing the english papers at lunch. Not really writing, persay, but finishing, writing the last paragraphs or so. But still. I consider myself a master of estimating how long it will take me to do something and doing just enough of it to leave a manageable amount to do in the amount of time I had before class that day. Tis a skill. Don't know where I was originally going with this, so I'll stop.

Yahoo mail's been being a little whore for a week or so now. *pokes* Constantly it's giving me "cannot find server" and it's not my connection problem, as I've tried it at home and at school. And I refresh and it gives me error code 5. A lot. Quite often. Curses.

You know, this assignment wouldn't be that hard if he gave us the stuff we're supposed to compare/contrast with the few that he gave us. Like, the subject is social progress and we're given the 19th amendment for USA and have to fill in a similar event or thingie that compares or contrasts with that for each of Canada and Latin America from 1850-1920 and then define it and explain how it compares/contrasts. And there are 5 categories. Grr. If I could just come up with the stuff, it wouldn't be hard, but I've got no idea what Canada did regarding social progress. They're like us, only 50 years behind and boring. For example: we had a war over independence. Britain just didn't really want them any more and let them go. How lame is that. I would be insulted. It's like being the species that the borg doesn't want to assimilate. <- random Star Trek reference.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
LOL at "The Wilson House". It's the birthplace of the guy who co-founded Alcoholics Anonymous that's now supposed to be "a living memorial [sic] a place where people can come to visit and give thanks to God for their new lives and to give thanks for God working through Bill to give them the Twelve Steps, Twelve Traditions, and the fellowship of the Program."

Still. The website is That's worth a laugh.

My dad made some good pumpkin bread today, though it's a bit too sweet. Still, it's got like no sugar in it because he used Splenda instead and applesauce instead of oil, so it's got very few calories in it. Which is good.

And he bought me some dark chocolate, so that's nice. Because I had a coupon for a free bar of Hershey's dark chocolate and I asked him to pick it up for me but they didn't have any, so he bought me Dove dark chocolate. Which is very different from the really good kind that I got addicted to dark chocolate through, but it's good.

My bedroom/bed was really cold last night, though, so I had a really hard time going to sleep and then I kept waking up during the night. Ended up taking a really long nap today, but I'm still sort of tired as I didn't sleep well during the day either. Kinda odd. I wonder why. Though it doesn't really matter if I'm up late tonight (though I'll be miserable during school tomorrow and have to take a spanish quiz and a history test over things that the teacher, as usual, hasn't really at all taught when I'm tired) as I don't have to stay after and it's the last day of school this week. So I hope I can start get this english paper finished soon because if I'm not going to sleep well again, I want as much time of bad sleep as possible.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. Remember how I mentioned that I couldn't just not show up today/yesterday/Monday because I had tests, but I implied that I'd really like to? Sorta got my wish. In a not good way. As I was sick. Which is bad. And being ill, I didn't get any work done. People are always like "Oh, so you studied really hard for the test because you were home sick yesterday?" No. When I'm sick, I'm either occupied with being sick or sleeping most of the time. Though I admit, I did watch Merchant of Venice when I could have been doing stuff. (And I missed the Portia/Nerissa strawberry scene that's pictured on the DVD box, which disappointed me. I couldn't find it. I wonder if they took it out, but still used the shot as a publicity thing. Still, even without that scene, the movie? So gay.) But before that I was either asleep or sitting on the edge of the bathtub trying not to be sick. So still, not much time that I could have been doing stuff before I would have gotten home anyway.

So I'm scrambling to try and get something done on this history outline.

Doesn't help that for some reason my eyes keep going really blurry. And when I can't see, I'm more apt to fall asleep. Because I subconsiously figure that I can't see what's going on anyway, and as I'm so tired, I might as well just sleep. Or something. I've noticed that I'm more awake in class when I wear my glasses. But that's possibly also because when I'm wearing my glasses, that means we're taking notes or there's actual explaining going on that I might get something out of and as such I'm paying attention and not drowsing off.

But I have had so much trouble getting myself to do this thing. Like, I just can't do it. I think about doing it and I know I really need to, but when it comes to it I just don't feel like getting off of the couch. Even if the stuff's on the couch with me, I just don't feel like doing it. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm all depressed like. It always gets worse this time of year, around winter, and compounded with how it always also gets worse this time of the month, right now it's pretty darn bad. I've really been noticing the past few days. How I just don't care. Like I've got mini medical school tomorrow/today/Tuesday, and I sort of just don't want to go. Which is crazy as hell, as the second lecture is the emergency medicine one that I've been looking forward to since I signed up. And I'm getting really easily frustrated to the point of giving up and tears about everything. I'm really hoping that it's this bad because I'm all hormonal and not just because it's gotten this bad. As that would be bad. (Yay, the word 'bad'.)

So I've been trying every possible procrastination method known to man. Including watching movies/TNG episodes/Stargate episodes, carving pumpkins (which I spent several hours on without realizing that it had been several hours as I was trying to fit a really complicated design onto a rather small pumpkin and it ended up not working at all because I had to shrink the design too much to fit and then the details were too small to stay attached which really pissed me off because I had spent 3 hours for nothing), and sitting on my bedroom floor and crying my ass off for long periods of time.

Anyway. This is why I didn't want to come over here to start typing what I've got on the history thing in the first place; I knew I'd get all sidetracked and stuff like the moronic whore I am. History. Now. Yes.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Bought a little mini rose plant thing. It's cute. Only 5 or so flowers on it but a couple of buds and hopefully it'll perk up more. I'd been eying them for a while in the grocery store before I just decided to get one on Saturday. I wanted the dark red/purple/burgandy color, so I had to pick one of the ones that wasn't the best looking (as they'd had the same plants in there for several days and I doubt they'd watered them) but it's still nice. I hope I can get it enough sun inside now that it's almost winter (though I've been told that the lights in my kitchen are good for plants, so we'll see).

I am tempted to make a things I like/hate list on here or somewhere just so I can put on there under hate "really greasy slices of pizza". Grr. I went through like 5 napkins trying to dab off the 2 and a half pieces I had for dinner. How wasteful. If they weren't so greasy to begin with, I wouldn't need to wipe them off. But it was really gross, as the one piece was hanging off of the plate and when I put it on the computer desk it flopped onto the keyboard and I had to wipe off the keyboard. . . .

Just out of curiousity, nobody on my f-list happens to be a computer person that can do the data recovery on my drive for free, are they?

Didn't think so.

I feel like I shouldn't spend a lot of money on getting the stuff back when the things I really want are just a couple of chapters worth of US History notes and about 12 unfinished/unposted fics. I really am missing it and everything on it tonight now that I'm on the computer, though, as I want to save stuff and I'm all screwed up because I don't have my crazy 30 folders deep filing system going on because I've got nothing anymore. And I try to look things up, like whether I saved a certain fic or not, and I can't, because I haven't got any of them saved anymore. I'm dwelling on this, aren't I. T'was a major loss. That's my excuse. That and PMS. But even if not, still a major loss.

I want to get the data back. But I'm notoriously stingy with money. And so I'm at odds with myself. I never spend money on anything, really. And this is going to be a lot. My dad offered to pay half, which is when I had decided that I wanted to do it, but then he told me that since he already paid for the replacement one (which was actually a lot less than the original and with a lot more room like I've said because it's not as small/good/pretty) that didn't think he was going to. Which I understand. But even if he was going to pay, I still am reluctant to spend so much money. I've always been really careful with my parents' money also, a lot more so than my siblings. I'm nearly positive, though, that that's because they don't remember trying to grow up in a family of 5 making $30 someodd thousand a year, and I majorly do.

Anyway. I've got to do it fast, as the data dies more the longer it's not being recovered. So I've got to decide by the end of school Monday. I'm going to take it up there and make them estimate the cost, and then I'll decide finally then.

Maybe I'll try to get my parents to make my brother pay it. As he is the one that broke it. And I've been surprisingly (even to myself) not with the killing of him for it.

You know what? *headfreakingdesk* I didn't check ever if my hard drive thing had any kind of a warranty. I know it probably wouldn't apply since it got damaged by dropping, but still, it wouldn't have hurt to check. Though I have no idea where the stuff about a warranty would be.

Research for my history project bit without all the old stuff is taking longer than I had thought. I'm not going to get done tonight. I really hope the teacher will still take it if I don't give it to him until Tuesday. That will make it two days late, though. Which would be bad. And I can't just not show up tomorrow like I'd like to because I've got both a history test and a math test. (Grr.)
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. Remember that big bit of the history project that is due Friday? Yeah. Not getting done. There's a story behind this.

I had quite a bit to do still, but only a few hours worth. Non-book research that I already had found? On my hard drive. I modified my topic like yesterday, put the finishing touches on said modification today, but quite a bit of what I had still applied to the new topic. Asked my brother at about 7pm to bring my hard drive to me on the couch from this (the main) computer. He grabs it by the cord. Cord unplugs from the drive, drive clunks on floor. Me=pissed. But not hugely. Yet.

I go to the gym. Come back. Plug in hard drive. Not working. The light wouldn't even come on to signal that it had power. Messed around with it. Went out and bought a new power thing as that appeared to be the problem and as the power goes through the USB normally, but there's a spot for an adapter cord (one of which did not come with the drive, unfortunately) for extra power or if your USB port on your computer won't give any/enough power, I hoped that would work. Nope. Determined at some point that power wasn't the problem. Plugged it into the other (this) computer, and the light came on. Problem solved. Nope.

Power's working, drive not. Spent a long time trying to figure out the problem. I eventually decided just to screw it and go to bed (as I'm getting sick and have been up late every night this week and was really upset that it looked like I was loosing everything on the drive) without doing the project. Mom comes back, tells me that my dad got it working. I come out. Not really. He thought he had because the computer did some kind of "you've plugged something in" thing, but it wouldn't do it again. We took the thing apart, messed with all of it. Tried to connect it to a box thing that we have that will turn a regular hard drive into an external one. No luck- the ribbon plug is just barely too big for some reason. (But the last conclusion I came to was that that wouldn't help anyway.) What kind of morons make stuff in a non-standard size? At some point (I think it was fine before) I heard the thing making funny noises like it wasn't spinning right. Somehow (involved somewhat gentle shaking and smacking) got it to make the good, spinning right sound. Still wouldn't work. Now pretty much no idea why. It's still out of the case and more or less disassembled at this point, and when you plug it in and unplug it, it was making the "duh-deh" "deh-duh"sound things. And occasionally, a box would come up over the far right of the taskbar saying "A problem occurred during hardware installation. Your new device may not function properly."

So. It's almost 1 at this point, and my dad decides to go to bed. I play with it a little bit more by disabling and (attempting) re-enabling of the device thing. Which we did once before. But before, it didn't tell us to reboot. I reboot this time. Computer doesn't reboot right- goes to the black screen on startup where it tells you about your machine specs, only loads the first few lines of text that are supposed to be on there, and stops. Bad sign. I reboot again, this time it loads properly, but the hard drive is back to making bad (even worse than before, where it was a funny badwhir + click thing, now it's just worsewhir) noises meaning that it's stopped spinning completely.

Hell. So. Yeah. I probably could have done my entire summary of evidence thing if I hadn't played with the hard drive until past 1:30. Because I didn't have horridly much on there in terms of done research, just a bunch of sources, some of which I emailed to myself from the medical library during the tour with minimed and can't get any other way than through them. And most, excepting the aforementioned articles that you've got to pay for/can't get at all except through the med library, I could find again. Had I actually gotten my arse in gear and forgotten about it.

But I'm still really really upset. This had so much stuff on it.

School work that I still need/isn't done/I use for reference. Which should probably be my biggest concern. But isn't.

It had hundreds of fics. Of which quite a few of the older ones (mostly my Enterprise collection) aren't online anywhere anymore.

And around 30 of my fics, which is what I'm most sad about, that and the other writings and work. Because of the fics, 10 or so are incomplete and only exist or are in the most complete form on there, several more have never been posted anywhere, and the remaining ones have been posted in various places, but most only to one site/list/board, which will make it difficult to try to track them all down to keep a copy. I don't have any kind of definitive list of all my stories, so it's going to be nearly impossible to make sure I've recovered all of the ones that it is even possible for me to find again (I completely forget about stories I've written only to rediscover them all the time. It's going to be a lot harder to rediscover now). And there are innumerous ideas and little bits of story jotted down in random Word Perfect/Word files for stuff I've not yet gotten around to writing, most of which I typed up so long ago that there's no chance of me remembering them.

Not to mention the videos and the episodes and the pictures and the manip work and the icons. OMG, the icons. I just realized that. Even ignoring that I don't have any of the huge numbers of them that I saved for my perusing pleasure that belonged to other people, I don't have any of my own anymore but the 6 that are currently on here. Some of my favorite ones just got switched out recently for this batch, and as such are not in existence.

Fic type stuff and other fandomy things are pretty much what I do for fun. So basically, all this stuff that is the only thing I have time to do for recreation anymore (that and read, especially medical type stuff, lots of which was also on here) is gone. I get a huge part of my enjoyment in life from this stuff, and it seems like that's been destroyed. Everything I've worked on, everything I've read and really enjoyed, everything I've done. It feels like part of my life is gone with it.

And I'm being depressivey and overreacting and stupid and weepy because I start crying again every couple of minutes when I start thinking about it again and I know it and I can't help it.

Which is why I haven't done my history thing, even yet. I could have done it, not easily, but done it. But I've just reacted so strongly to the breakage of the hard drive that I can't. And I know it's not just this, but it's everything lately put together and this just finally made me break down, and I can't force myself to do anything.

And yet I'm not in bed, where I should be taking into account my lack of sleep of late and the hour. (Thanks in part to a 52oz diet Dr. Pepper that I downed throughout the whole thing that I got after I got back from the gym when I thought that I was going to be up pretty late doing work that's keeping me up both from the caffeine and going to the bathroom every few minutes.) Nor am I studying for my Biology and English exams. I feel so completely worn out, but I don't feel like I would be able to get to sleep or really do anything save think about this and stare off into space.

Yay, breakdownage. I love stress.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Caught some kind of 24 hour food poisoning from the oatmeal raisin cookies at the mini medical school thing. And there's absolutely no irony in that!

So I wasn't at school today. (Meaning Wednesday. Which is no longer today, but still.) Which sorta sucked. Because now I've got to go pay to see the school play to do my analysis of it for theatre class, instead of going to the dress rehearsal for free. And I've now got to make up a chemistry quiz, a bio test, and take a math test all tomorrow/soon. And read a whole bunch of chapters in that stupid Canadian history book and the stupid Latin American history book. By Friday. Which isn't going to happen. Honestly. Nothing good happened in Canada. Ever. They film some good Sci-Fi TV shows there. That's it. I'm appreciating the Latin America book more and more because the Canada one is just so horrible. I'm going to try to find a kiddie Canada book at the library tomorrow, read that instead so I actually have some idea of what to write on the essay for the quiz on Friday.

No Bones on tonight, and the stupid baseball game it was canceled for got rained out and so wasn't even on. Curses.

I was going to go outside (You're all thinking 'Her? Sun? No way'. It was 6:30 at night. So not much sun. And I had sunscreen on.) and play soccer with my sister tonight, but just as we were about to go out the door, it started with the raining. Sadness. Kaci was angry.

The lady running for state representative for my district talked to my liberal union thing, and was all with the praising of me (she mentioned it quite a few times) for this ally week thing that I'm organizing that she heard about at the beginning of the meeting. Yay for that. I was all *blush*.

Somebody broke the screen part of my back door. You know how there are two doors sometimes, a wooden one and a glass/screen one? The spring thing that makes the screen bit close again after you open it isn't there anymore (actually, I think it is there, just hanging off of the door), and so if you open the door, it just swings all the way open (farther than it should open, it just goes until it hits the side of the house) and you've got to manually close it.

There's that wintry smell out. I don't know how else to describe it, just that crisp smell of winter. It's supposed to get down close or right below freezing tonight, and only be slightly above it by the time in the morning I go to school. That's going to be fun, as I can't so much bring a coat because I share my locker with two other people and we won't be able to fit all of our stuff in there with coats too. But I love the cold, so it's okay.

Lisa E. doesn't know command form in Spanish. (Is there another name for that? That and imperative is all we ever called it.) I know command form. Yay for Spanish lip kissing. (Bésame Ud. en los labios, Lisa!) The spanish translations for the subtitles were wrong, at least at one point. Lisa's like "She did come back" and the subtitles said that she did not. And there was a use or two of the vosotros form when the director guy was just talking to Hugh. Yay, me catching spanish mistakes. But really just mistakes in what was happening.

So I'm not getting all of the House Unplugged thing, but some. Which is good. (I just caught 'my whore'. Yay, whore. Cuddy wishes she was is my whore.)

Dubbing is funny. Stacy's dubber for the bit I just saw of her talking to Cuddy sounds majorly like somebody from one of those overly dramatic spanish soap operas. The inflections and all. And in the "House, you are. . . as God made you" bit, the fake!Wilson was laughing. But not sad, cynical laughing, real laughing. RSL acted that bit well, and dubberman ruined the mood of the scene. And the part where Wilson sawed through House's cane and House falls, there's all this grunting and gasping in the dub (LOL, dirty mind) that Hugh didn't do.

Did RSL say that he thinks that Wilson enjoys House? I think so. Awesome word choice.

It's so hard to pick things out when they've got Lisa talking in english, the dub of her on top of it, a dubbed clip going on in the other corner, and "Hallelujah" playing on top of it all. Give us non-spanish speakers a break here! I really wish they'd redo this in english, because even a translation of what's being said takes away so much of it, because it's a translation of a translation, and when the first translation isn't all that precise. . . .

(Ignore the fact that this is probably not right at all. I just found it entertaining that when I was watching the Unplugged thing and writing in here, I switched to writing in spanish without noticing at first. Then I just decided to continue for fun.)
Lisa paga la mujer de la pelo a decir que ella es bonita. Por qué necesita pagar una persona? Quiero decirla gratis!
Lisa no bebe el alchohol? Eh, Cuddy bebe (cuando ella dijo que Vogler necesitó salir, y House y los 'ducklings' estuvieron celebrando, y ella bebió todo la bebida rapidamente), no es una problema para mi historia.
(Hey, does anybody know if the quiero decirla thing is right? That's not how I was going to say it; I had it in future tense, but I checked on some website online to make sure I was conjugating it correctly, and they said to use querer + infinitive instead for having the willingness to do something. I wonder if this is specific to certain areas of the world or something.)

How would you say 'fuck-me shoes' in spanish? Los zapatos de Lisa que se llaman los "fuck-me shoes"? Well, I know what I'm going to spend my spanish class looking up. Hope that's in the dictionary. (But the shot when people were taking pictures of them and Lisa did the eyebrow thing? Yeah, era calor.)

Grr. Internet down. Really, probably my arsehole of a father turned it off again. And it's not even that late, not even 11pm on Wednesday. So must post this later. And I don't have my history stuff finished yet. I need to look up some more stuff for the background for a project that I missed the first day of working on. Lovely. Fucker.

So yeah. Ignore the fact that I haven't checked my email in so long that I've got bazillions of messages. Because I've only been getting on every couple of days for any substantial period of time lately. Which is not with the making of me happy.

But the entire internet (okay, maybe just my friends list) speaks/writes like me, which is entertaining, because they're all up with the crazy convoluted "not with the making of me happy" and "And that's my story" and my extremely overused "yay!"s.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
First presentation on tonight's minimed thing wasn't that great. Pretty basic if you've taken freshman biology in the past decade. But the older people seemed not to have as good of a grasp on it as we did, so that was probably the reason it wasn't horridly in depth. Had a cool discussion with the second presenter, a neurology professor, about the effects of Alzheimer's on Broca's and Wernicke's areas. And had some pretty good tea, as they give us dessert and they always have tea and coffee and soda and such along with whatever (cookies and popcorn last time, two kinds of pretzel/cheese cracker snack mixes and little candies this time) else. The lectures, a whole big binder with copies of the slides and room for notes, fancy printed up nametags, extra enrichment tour type things, and dessert. Pretty nice for $75. Not bad at all.

History teacher was pointing to the map behind Katie and me today, like he does often, (which is annoying, as it's "and now, everybody stare right above their heads") with this long 6.5 foot stick (you'd think a yard stick, but no). He was talking about how he used to have this telescoping rod thing to point with, and I go "Not a laser pointer? Who's going to take you seriously if you don't have a laser pointer?" and then laughed in my head for several minutes. Yay, House quotes. Boo, House not on this week.
On Monday, I happened to walk by these teachers and one of them mentioned a ream (of paper, I assumed) and I just giggled my way down the hall, all "Cuddy just reamed me!". Yay, Housequotefemslash.

Amnesty meeting was pretty good. Teacher sponsors still seem to not understand that Katie and I are in charge of it together. Kinda pisses me off. The main sponsor still seems surprised every time that I'm in front of the group with her.

There's this huge spider web that showed up yesterday between the screen and wooden doors at my back door. And the bottom edge of it is right at my head height, so twice now when I'm letting the dog in, my head catches it and I have to try and get spider silk out of my hair. I feel bad for the spider, though, as it's having to rebuild this thing all the time. The spider's huge, though. Huge for around my house, at least. Thing's like half a pink eraser big.

Chemistry test today/yesterday/Tuesday was one of the hardest tests I've ever taken. A lot of the stuff on the test was in the review packet, but it doesn't count. You know why? You can't review something you've never been taught. That's not a review. That's learning it all yourself because the teacher is incompetent. Going through this test, I felt literally like I had missed an entire week or two of class where she covered all of it. Turns out, nope, everybody felt that way. Hopefully that means a big curve.
One of the questions that wasn't covered in the review happened to be on the one topic that I did not get at all last year, which was v. unlucky. I didn't study it as it had nothing much to do with organic molecules. I figured she would teach it again, as it wasn't very in depth and was rushed last year. Nope. On the test.
And on Monday when we were reviewing, she was talking about heat of formation, and I was like "Did I just die or something for 3 whole chapters? I thought we were doing organic chemistry." For some reason, there was a problem on that on our test. Can't complain much about that one, though, as one much like it was in the review packet (I think she puts AP problems from old tests in the review and test even if it has nothing to do with the chapter we're on) and I think I got it.

Spanish test bad also. It's pretty darn impossible to determine between the imperfect and preterite if you've got no idea what the paragraph you're conjugating verbs for is saying. A couple of us that are all in the next hour together were talking after the test, and we were like "The guys were walking and sat down by a dead deer and saw a guy that the police were looking for and then ran for some reason?" Loads of us had no idea. Plus, half of my verb conjugation choices I would defend if given the chance, like "I took this sentence this way, and so this form works better" but I already didn't finish the whole test (thought I was making good time until 30 seconds before the bell rang and I realized that I had another whole page to go) and I don't think that he would allow me to do that anyway.
But 4 long paragraphs with a total of 70-someodd verbs to determine the correct form for from (hee, those three words are practically all the same) the context, plus two pages of 'start with this prompt and make up 3 other things that happened' was definitely way too long.

That Death of a Salesman english paper, evidently the teacher really liked it, as it was the best in all of her classes, or so she says. I don't doubt overly much that it was one of the best in all her classes, because most of the people are morons. It still wasn't that good. But I'll take my 98%s where I can get them.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Lisa Edelstein supposedly went to the emergency room for fun as a child.

Hee. Me too. I sat in the car for hours on a drive down to Oklahoma a few years ago with my father to visit my grandmother, but my major motivating factor for going when none of the rest of my family did was because she was going to have surgery and I would have an excuse to hang around the hospital. While we were waiting for her to get out of surgery, I was exploring the hospital and talking to whomever didn't seem to be doing anything and hanging out down by the ER watching the medivac helicopters land and wheel patients in and stuff. /is a dork

I do stuff like that all the time. Like when I was 13 or so and there was a health day or something at the science center, and there was a guy presenting an automatic external defibrillator there, and I got into a discussion with him about the downpoints of the automatic machine after asking if you were able to cardiovert someone in irregular beat patterns besides ventricular fibrillation with it. He gave me a free t-shirt because I was so annoying (and right).

I'm working tomorrow, doing my volleyball refereeing thing. I always get nervous the first time I do it after it's been a while, because I'm like "Is this the right signal? Was that really a lift, or did I just think it looked like one? That other guy did the same thing earlier, did I call him on it?" and such.

Dad helped me come up with an idea for my theatre arts project/essay thing that I really like. So that's good. Got the polio book I'd been looking for that I needed for my history project/essay thing, now I've just got to read it. Still not sure how good the history idea is.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Okay, that's not fair. I was at 99% on one of the clips when it says the connection to the server reset. And now none of them on that page will work. (I actually tried them all this time.) So I went over the bandwidth with one byte to go.

So (writing this down for the sole purpose of letting myself know where I need to start next time) I still need to get summersgrace, surprised, twinkle and twinkle2, youcall2 through 4, and ispeech.

I've got only one page in the second part of my english paper, but I think that's going to be good enough. She's checking the individual parts, and it's worth a lot of points, but the actual paper isn't due until next week or so. And I've got 3 US History paragraphs to write on a really long document and a Psych reading quiz. But psych I can fake. Because we're on the Abnormal Psych section. And it's all about diseases and treatments. And I have most of those diseases. Plus, the whole medical thing, just like the anatomy section was, it's all kind of my field.

*Minor freakout*
We have to do our Solo and Ensemble pieces for the class on Friday. In front of a judge I can do, but in front of the class? I'm still out of tune a lot. And just generally bad at the piece. And most of my friends in orchestra are in the quartet, so it's not even a bunch of friendly faces. They're hostile and mean. (Have I mentioned that I really don't like most of the people in orchestra?)

And somebody's watch alarm just went off in the front room. I've never noticed that before. It must have just gotten set. Because I'm up at this time a lot, I think I would have heard it before. Kinda annoying. There, it shut off.

So I'm going to print my paper, email it to all my email addresses (I'm not risking not having it for 3 days in a row like last time), put my Handcuffs story on, and read the history document in bed.

But before that, I'm going to take a slight detour to mention that the stretch marks I have all over from gaining 30 pounds in a month last summer (And the same thing happened the year before. In 14 months I gained 55 pounds.) have been really dark lately. I'm hoping that doesn't mean that I'm stretching more. Because that would suck. But I've only been to the gym twice in two weeks, so I'm not exactly preventing the gain of more weight.

Edit: and before that, I'm going to make an icon. Somewhat belated, as I already did. I'm still not happy with the font, though. It doesn't fit with what I was trying to do.

December 2014

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