commotiocordis: (Seven/B'Elanna)
[personal profile] commotiocordis
Shoving (healthy) food down my throat even though I’m not at all hungry because my body decided to give out on me again during my gym class. It’s so fucking frustrating. I know it’s not because I’m missing any nutrients or hadn’t eaten or anything, though; it’s definitely my heart. I can tell the difference between low blood sugar and low blood pressure, and this was the latter. The doctor has said it’s undoubtedly just idiopathic (because if it were anything serious, I probably would have died already — she blames it on anxiety, like I knew would happen as soon as I got any kind of psych label put on me, when that’s obviously not the case. If it happened when I got up in front of people or was driving to school or something, sure, but not at the gym; give me a break), but it’s still scary.

I got halfway through the lunges (which are always hard on me, but today I’d thought were going pretty well), and in the 15 seconds or whatever while switching legs, my blood pressure ~recovered (read: dropped like a rock) so much that I sort of blacked out completely. Not as in actually passed out, but as in my vision went totally black, the girl next to me actually dropped her bar because she thought she was going to have to catch me because I was super white and kind of wobbled, and I only just managed to bend down and get enough blood back to my brain to be able to see enough to make my way out of the room and sit down on the floor. (I really should have just sat down right there, but I think I would have died from embarrassment.)

UGH UGH UGH. And then it did it again when I got out of the car after driving home. I was able to just, you know, hang onto the car door until I recovered that time, so it wasn’t nearly as bad, but STILL NOT FUN.

I hate you, heart. I want to make you stronger, but that’s kind of hard when you’re working against me like this whenever I try to exercise you, huh?

December 2014

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