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commotiocordisUpdating this as I go, because why not. Jesus Christ, this was the gayest episode of anything on primetime TV since Xena: Warrior Princess.
(Also, apologies in advance that it appears my spellchecker in Semagic has decided to selectively work.)
I've !highlighted| the good bits if you're just interested in the gay, because TL;DR. Scaled in size by amount and explicitness of gay.
!At the very beginning of Good Wife's finale, where the car pulls up all ominously in front of Kalinda and then Lana gets out? I so expected for a second it to be her garage, and Lana was going to get out and kiss her hello. Dang.
"This is all just an elaborate plan to get me alone, isn't it." "You found me out." (wry chuckle)
Wry chuckle? Captions, I approve. Also, gay? I approve. Kalinda/Lana [<] Kalinda/Alicia, but I'll take it for now.|
This supersekrit stuff? Much more complex than in In Plain Sight. I'm assuming IPS is more realistic since it focuses on witsec--this cloak and dagger seems more CIA than federal marshals. Also, federal marshals, not FBI, right? I thought Lana was FBI. Confused now.
!Alicia: "I'll step out."
Kalinda, vehemently: "No. Blahblahblah."
Lana: *gives Kalinda a look, all "Oh, so that's why you won't get back with me"* "If you wouldn't mind, Mrs. Florrick, GTFO." (Because I don't like you because Kalinda does.)
Alicia: *GTFOs in a really awesome grey pinstriped suit*
Lana: *gives Kalinda another look, all "You've got it bad" and "What now."*
Kalinda: *gives Lana a look, all "Oh, pleasegod, don't start."
You guys make my job so easy. Pause for a minute, shakingandcrying.|
(Director's cut note: You may wonder why I've given this a higher gay rating than the intro "plan to get me alone" bit. Though delivery and the rest of the ep belied it otherwise, the opening could have easily been a joke. The subtext here was so not.)
Haha, because I keep rewatching bits and stopping to type and stuff, I'm like 7 minutes into the show and it's been 24ish minutes of realtime.
Good. Will's got a girltoy. That means you don't need to fool with him, Alicia.
Is this the mock trial girl?
!And did she just check out Alicia? Maybe my slash goggles are a bit too sharp focused after being primed by that AWESOME opening scene. It was undoubtedly supposed to be a "checking out the competition" look, but when aforementioned slash goggles are on tightly (and also when it's paused and you're seeing the look out of context--I really expect her to lick her lips on this screen it's frozen on, no lie), things take on a different hue.|
Oooooh. Kalinda, we all knew that you sleeping with a guy just to maintain this work relationship (and maybe try to convince yourself that you're actually bisexual) wasn't going to do you any good. Your booty call being a dirty cop? That's god telling you to go for the ladies.
Are you going to warn him, Kalinda? OMFG, no!
Are they showing us this synchronicity of their drinking to indicate that they're actually sort of dating? (Also, where did my captions go? Gone for this scene. DNL.) I don't think so, especially because they're only talking about work, but maybe?
Aww, family dinner. That's cute. I like the kids. Not as much as I like Alexis Castle, but much more than I usually like the kids of main characters.
Also, yay, Mr. Florrick! Giving back the phone number, that was good. I would have just ignored it so to not draw attention to it in front of the kids, but that was kind of gallant.
!Big gay hug between some other detective and Kalinda's not-boyfriend? Is this show gayer than Glee? Probably just "OMFG, huge shootout and I'm rattled," but the way the guy Kalinda was talking to excused himself and passionatelyran walked into Corrupt Boytoy's arms was . . . not discreet? I'm pleased.|
Good Wife theme song screen! (Yes, 40 minutes later, I'm 10 minutes into the show.) I judge a lot of shows by their title screen/theme/whatever. Julianna Margulies' last show, Canterbury's Law? Awesome theme song that unfortunately only exists in theme song form, because otherwise I would so have that baby on a CD somewhere. Shark? Loved the show, hated the theme--song wasn't bad, the weird palm tree thing they had going on made it seem more like a Baywatch than a crime drama, California or not. More and more shows are going to just this title screen thing, which I like because in theory it means the show's a minute longer, but in practice probably just means a minute longer of commercials. I remember when ER made the switch in the last season (or maybe the one before) and I was pissed--that theme song was a part of my life, LOL. (The full song version of it is all still instrumental and really pretty, actually.)
!Lana: "Let's just chalk this up as a bad first date." (Camera cuts to Kalinda, who makes a face.) Stop, guys, or I'll explode.
Seriously, who's behind the camera, because they've got some kind of obsession with Kalinda's face and inexplicable closeups of her staring with an unreadable look at women. I'd like to shake your hand, because we're obviously on the same team here.|
Special guest star Gary Cole? Really? ETA: Oh. I was thinking of Gary Coleman. Hahahaha. Amy Acker, though!
Alicia, to Kalinda: "You're hot on this." Yea-uh. Okay, "I'm friends with a lot of cops" isn't how I would have played it, but okay, we can go with her actual meaning rather than turning it into the comeon you so desperately wish it was, Kalinda.
Also, whoa, Kalinda's cowl-y shirt while going down the stairs make her look gigantically chested. I mean, huge.
ALAN. I love you so hard. Please find an excuse to wear a kilt at some point, because I love you so hard.
Alicia: "If this is a criminal matter, Mr. Gold, you can take it upstairs."
Eli: "Mmmno. It's more of an allegory."
ILU, Alan Cumming. Also, your accent is the most flawless I've ever heard from someone who has a distinct other-than-American accent outside of a part. And you were Nightcrawler in X-Men, which automatically makes you awesome. I mean . . . ILU.
Peter's decided to wait 4 years to run? They must be fixing that, because isn't that optimistic of the show? I mean, maybe timejump if they need to or whatever, because there really is no reason that 4 years show time has to equal 4 years real time, but it seems like his reelection campaign is a major B-plot arc that they've been leading up to doing, so waiting 4 years seems strange.
Though it's very, very true that he won't win without her, Eli pressuring Alicia to stay with her man so he can be reelected makes feminist!me want her to not. Even though I still don't like Will. Kalinda. Dump him for Kalinda. Because maybe if it's a lesbian affair, the public will sympathize with him rather than scorn him for being cuckolded due to his own shitty decisions in re obtaining whores earlier.
Ooh, I like ballistics guy. His Republican cowboyness is funny with Lockhart's Democratic kindasnootyness.
Ugh. Will and mock trial girl. I liked her at first, when she reminded me of me in mock trial (meaning awesome), but now she's just slutty. The Spanish bit? A friend or a boyfriend and she answers that right now, she's not sure? Idk, if we'd been introduced to her any other way than in a situation where Will was her superior, it'd be different, but she's coming off as a slut and he's coming off as a letch.
ILU, Julianna. "I'm-fine, how-are-you?" when she's like "IDKWTF you're doing here Cary and why are you hedging with stupid pleasantries" was lolarious.
--Commercial.--
"Hi." Awkward Cary is sort of awkward.
I love how lawyers use stipulation to things they don't *really* want to stipulate to just so they can try and avoid itemization. We (meaning both my team and guys we played against) did that on occasion with getting people recognized as expert witnesses in mock trial, especially if we were running short on time--less itemization of credentials makes it easier for the "jury" to see the person on the stand as just a kid.
Kalinda, your blue outfit and stockings is hot. Also, did you just do a cocky smile with Cary? You've just reminded me of how we're not sure we like your allegiances, darling--really, we're not sure we know your allegiances.
Ahh. I didn't think we were really going to wait 4 years. Also, "you need to prescreen the people who see him", Grandma Florrick? Your political savvy just totally turned you into a completely different character and it's awesome. I may actually start giving half a damn about you.
I do not understand Eli's "Shalom," though. A play on how Grandma F thought his name was Goldman, I assume?
Mr. McVeigh (or, you know, writers), you are good. That's exactly how I coach my witnesses to answer under cross. Paraphrased: "Was your investigation in accordance with these standards?" "In most respects." "Meaning not in all?" "That would follow." "Which means yes?" You don't want to admit it directly, but "you are correct."
Aww, I hope this doesn't hurt them together.
Oh, yeah, she's got both her credit card bills and her receipts. Also, why would Kalinda need the receipt for the address, when we plainly saw it right there on the credit card bill? That was stupid.
!Lana flirting some more. I love this episode.|
!JESUS FUCK. When Lana pulled the storage door down, closing them in, I expected another "This is all just an elaborate plan to get me alone, isn't it." "You found me out," like in parody of the beginning. BUT NO. Kalinda steps way the fuck into Lana's personal space and goes all seductive "Something on your mind?" *shakingandcryingagain*|
OMFG. Kalinda didn't do it. Kalinda didn't do it. If she did, it was totally an accident, because I want to believe she's awesome. You already turned my other primetime lesbian into a sort of baddy, television networks (JANIS, I STILL LOVE YOU), don't do it here. You've already got me worried about her allegiance in the whole Alicia/Cary deal, but this is a step way farther.
And eww, pictures. STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU LIKE MEN, BB. I can't conceive of why she'd still mack on Corrupt Boytoy after finding out he was dirty--if he's going to jail, their business partnership is done. Even if she actually maybe liked him (which they never really gave us reason to believe), the dude's out running drugs or guns or some shit (with all the gay, tbh, I've apparently missed some of the particulars).
!Also OMFG. I so called it. Lana's both an ex and really, really jealous of anybody Kalinda might like. We have a semi-main and a reoccurring character that are both not only gay, but have been in a relationship (I'm assuming, but it really, *really* sounds like it). I'm starting to wonder if the world's still turning on the right axis. Somebody call SHIELD and verify for me: is this Earth-616 or something?
Kalinda's little *swallows* (quietly) "So?" when presented with the makeout picture was so very "Yeah, I was uncomfortable with that too."
Ooh, Archie's a good actress. This is the first time we've been up close on her face in emotional bits like this to really see--she's totally emotionally stressed here, and that's why she's turning it around on Lana all "Oh, so that's why these photos are so important. There's one of me in the car. 'Cause it shows me . . . leaking."
(Also, "it shows me leaking"? Not a line I can take seriously, sorry. You unintentionally made that really dirty.)|
ALKJSDFHLAKJSDHFAKLJSHDFLAKJ.
Lana: "It shows you in a compromised position."
Kalinda: "With a man." [<-- I KNEW IT. Your bisexuality is totes fake if you're pulling it out like this, trying to capitalize on her biphobia.]
Lana: "With a corrupt cop."
Kalinda: "And yet I phoned you to tell you about the stash, didn't I? Which I wouldn't do if I were compromised."
Lana: "True."
Kalinda: *takes another step forward so they're LITERALLY FUCKING THREE INCHES FROM EACH OTHER'S LIPS* "I guess I could just be confused." [<--- I knew it again. Not a bisexual. If they try to make her one, I'll be pissed, because if they are, they're doing it wrong.]
And then I start being pissed at the show. Seriously. All of that seduction, and you pull us outside the half-closed door of the storage unit when they kiss? Dick move. Though the way half a second after Kalinda takes *another* step forward, one of Lana's feet rocks back a little bit [ETA: see icon for a way trimmed back this] makes me think they maybe did actually kiss behind there, which is something, at least.
*Sigh*. And then my internet went out, and then my Dish went out, and then I made a Good Wife icon while waiting for everything to come back, and now it's 3am. Shall finish watching tomorrow.
(Also, apologies in advance that it appears my spellchecker in Semagic has decided to selectively work.)
I've !highlighted| the good bits if you're just interested in the gay, because TL;DR. Scaled in size by amount and explicitness of gay.
!At the very beginning of Good Wife's finale, where the car pulls up all ominously in front of Kalinda and then Lana gets out? I so expected for a second it to be her garage, and Lana was going to get out and kiss her hello. Dang.
"This is all just an elaborate plan to get me alone, isn't it." "You found me out." (wry chuckle)
Wry chuckle? Captions, I approve. Also, gay? I approve. Kalinda/Lana [<] Kalinda/Alicia, but I'll take it for now.|
This supersekrit stuff? Much more complex than in In Plain Sight. I'm assuming IPS is more realistic since it focuses on witsec--this cloak and dagger seems more CIA than federal marshals. Also, federal marshals, not FBI, right? I thought Lana was FBI. Confused now.
!Alicia: "I'll step out."
Kalinda, vehemently: "No. Blahblahblah."
Lana: *gives Kalinda a look, all "Oh, so that's why you won't get back with me"* "If you wouldn't mind, Mrs. Florrick, GTFO." (Because I don't like you because Kalinda does.)
Alicia: *GTFOs in a really awesome grey pinstriped suit*
Lana: *gives Kalinda another look, all "You've got it bad" and "What now."*
Kalinda: *gives Lana a look, all "Oh, pleasegod, don't start."
You guys make my job so easy. Pause for a minute, shakingandcrying.|
(Director's cut note: You may wonder why I've given this a higher gay rating than the intro "plan to get me alone" bit. Though delivery and the rest of the ep belied it otherwise, the opening could have easily been a joke. The subtext here was so not.)
Haha, because I keep rewatching bits and stopping to type and stuff, I'm like 7 minutes into the show and it's been 24ish minutes of realtime.
Good. Will's got a girltoy. That means you don't need to fool with him, Alicia.
Is this the mock trial girl?
!And did she just check out Alicia? Maybe my slash goggles are a bit too sharp focused after being primed by that AWESOME opening scene. It was undoubtedly supposed to be a "checking out the competition" look, but when aforementioned slash goggles are on tightly (and also when it's paused and you're seeing the look out of context--I really expect her to lick her lips on this screen it's frozen on, no lie), things take on a different hue.|
Oooooh. Kalinda, we all knew that you sleeping with a guy just to maintain this work relationship (and maybe try to convince yourself that you're actually bisexual) wasn't going to do you any good. Your booty call being a dirty cop? That's god telling you to go for the ladies.
Are you going to warn him, Kalinda? OMFG, no!
Are they showing us this synchronicity of their drinking to indicate that they're actually sort of dating? (Also, where did my captions go? Gone for this scene. DNL.) I don't think so, especially because they're only talking about work, but maybe?
Aww, family dinner. That's cute. I like the kids. Not as much as I like Alexis Castle, but much more than I usually like the kids of main characters.
Also, yay, Mr. Florrick! Giving back the phone number, that was good. I would have just ignored it so to not draw attention to it in front of the kids, but that was kind of gallant.
!Big gay hug between some other detective and Kalinda's not-boyfriend? Is this show gayer than Glee? Probably just "OMFG, huge shootout and I'm rattled," but the way the guy Kalinda was talking to excused himself and passionately
Good Wife theme song screen! (Yes, 40 minutes later, I'm 10 minutes into the show.) I judge a lot of shows by their title screen/theme/whatever. Julianna Margulies' last show, Canterbury's Law? Awesome theme song that unfortunately only exists in theme song form, because otherwise I would so have that baby on a CD somewhere. Shark? Loved the show, hated the theme--song wasn't bad, the weird palm tree thing they had going on made it seem more like a Baywatch than a crime drama, California or not. More and more shows are going to just this title screen thing, which I like because in theory it means the show's a minute longer, but in practice probably just means a minute longer of commercials. I remember when ER made the switch in the last season (or maybe the one before) and I was pissed--that theme song was a part of my life, LOL. (The full song version of it is all still instrumental and really pretty, actually.)
!Lana: "Let's just chalk this up as a bad first date." (Camera cuts to Kalinda, who makes a face.) Stop, guys, or I'll explode.
Seriously, who's behind the camera, because they've got some kind of obsession with Kalinda's face and inexplicable closeups of her staring with an unreadable look at women. I'd like to shake your hand, because we're obviously on the same team here.|
Special guest star Gary Cole? Really? ETA: Oh. I was thinking of Gary Coleman. Hahahaha. Amy Acker, though!
Alicia, to Kalinda: "You're hot on this." Yea-uh. Okay, "I'm friends with a lot of cops" isn't how I would have played it, but okay, we can go with her actual meaning rather than turning it into the comeon you so desperately wish it was, Kalinda.
Also, whoa, Kalinda's cowl-y shirt while going down the stairs make her look gigantically chested. I mean, huge.
ALAN. I love you so hard. Please find an excuse to wear a kilt at some point, because I love you so hard.
Alicia: "If this is a criminal matter, Mr. Gold, you can take it upstairs."
Eli: "Mmmno. It's more of an allegory."
ILU, Alan Cumming. Also, your accent is the most flawless I've ever heard from someone who has a distinct other-than-American accent outside of a part. And you were Nightcrawler in X-Men, which automatically makes you awesome. I mean . . . ILU.
Peter's decided to wait 4 years to run? They must be fixing that, because isn't that optimistic of the show? I mean, maybe timejump if they need to or whatever, because there really is no reason that 4 years show time has to equal 4 years real time, but it seems like his reelection campaign is a major B-plot arc that they've been leading up to doing, so waiting 4 years seems strange.
Though it's very, very true that he won't win without her, Eli pressuring Alicia to stay with her man so he can be reelected makes feminist!me want her to not. Even though I still don't like Will. Kalinda. Dump him for Kalinda. Because maybe if it's a lesbian affair, the public will sympathize with him rather than scorn him for being cuckolded due to his own shitty decisions in re obtaining whores earlier.
Ooh, I like ballistics guy. His Republican cowboyness is funny with Lockhart's Democratic kindasnootyness.
Ugh. Will and mock trial girl. I liked her at first, when she reminded me of me in mock trial (meaning awesome), but now she's just slutty. The Spanish bit? A friend or a boyfriend and she answers that right now, she's not sure? Idk, if we'd been introduced to her any other way than in a situation where Will was her superior, it'd be different, but she's coming off as a slut and he's coming off as a letch.
ILU, Julianna. "I'm-fine, how-are-you?" when she's like "IDKWTF you're doing here Cary and why are you hedging with stupid pleasantries" was lolarious.
--Commercial.--
"Hi." Awkward Cary is sort of awkward.
I love how lawyers use stipulation to things they don't *really* want to stipulate to just so they can try and avoid itemization. We (meaning both my team and guys we played against) did that on occasion with getting people recognized as expert witnesses in mock trial, especially if we were running short on time--less itemization of credentials makes it easier for the "jury" to see the person on the stand as just a kid.
Kalinda, your blue outfit and stockings is hot. Also, did you just do a cocky smile with Cary? You've just reminded me of how we're not sure we like your allegiances, darling--really, we're not sure we know your allegiances.
Ahh. I didn't think we were really going to wait 4 years. Also, "you need to prescreen the people who see him", Grandma Florrick? Your political savvy just totally turned you into a completely different character and it's awesome. I may actually start giving half a damn about you.
I do not understand Eli's "Shalom," though. A play on how Grandma F thought his name was Goldman, I assume?
Mr. McVeigh (or, you know, writers), you are good. That's exactly how I coach my witnesses to answer under cross. Paraphrased: "Was your investigation in accordance with these standards?" "In most respects." "Meaning not in all?" "That would follow." "Which means yes?" You don't want to admit it directly, but "you are correct."
Aww, I hope this doesn't hurt them together.
Oh, yeah, she's got both her credit card bills and her receipts. Also, why would Kalinda need the receipt for the address, when we plainly saw it right there on the credit card bill? That was stupid.
!Lana flirting some more. I love this episode.|
!JESUS FUCK. When Lana pulled the storage door down, closing them in, I expected another "This is all just an elaborate plan to get me alone, isn't it." "You found me out," like in parody of the beginning. BUT NO. Kalinda steps way the fuck into Lana's personal space and goes all seductive "Something on your mind?" *shakingandcryingagain*|
OMFG. Kalinda didn't do it. Kalinda didn't do it. If she did, it was totally an accident, because I want to believe she's awesome. You already turned my other primetime lesbian into a sort of baddy, television networks (JANIS, I STILL LOVE YOU), don't do it here. You've already got me worried about her allegiance in the whole Alicia/Cary deal, but this is a step way farther.
And eww, pictures. STOP TRYING TO CONVINCE YOURSELF YOU LIKE MEN, BB. I can't conceive of why she'd still mack on Corrupt Boytoy after finding out he was dirty--if he's going to jail, their business partnership is done. Even if she actually maybe liked him (which they never really gave us reason to believe), the dude's out running drugs or guns or some shit (with all the gay, tbh, I've apparently missed some of the particulars).
!Also OMFG. I so called it. Lana's both an ex and really, really jealous of anybody Kalinda might like. We have a semi-main and a reoccurring character that are both not only gay, but have been in a relationship (I'm assuming, but it really, *really* sounds like it). I'm starting to wonder if the world's still turning on the right axis. Somebody call SHIELD and verify for me: is this Earth-616 or something?
Kalinda's little *swallows* (quietly) "So?" when presented with the makeout picture was so very "Yeah, I was uncomfortable with that too."
Ooh, Archie's a good actress. This is the first time we've been up close on her face in emotional bits like this to really see--she's totally emotionally stressed here, and that's why she's turning it around on Lana all "Oh, so that's why these photos are so important. There's one of me in the car. 'Cause it shows me . . . leaking."
(Also, "it shows me leaking"? Not a line I can take seriously, sorry. You unintentionally made that really dirty.)|
ALKJSDFHLAKJSDHFAKLJSHDFLAKJ.
Lana: "It shows you in a compromised position."
Kalinda: "With a man." [<-- I KNEW IT. Your bisexuality is totes fake if you're pulling it out like this, trying to capitalize on her biphobia.]
Lana: "With a corrupt cop."
Kalinda: "And yet I phoned you to tell you about the stash, didn't I? Which I wouldn't do if I were compromised."
Lana: "True."
Kalinda: *takes another step forward so they're LITERALLY FUCKING THREE INCHES FROM EACH OTHER'S LIPS* "I guess I could just be confused." [<--- I knew it again. Not a bisexual. If they try to make her one, I'll be pissed, because if they are, they're doing it wrong.]
And then I start being pissed at the show. Seriously. All of that seduction, and you pull us outside the half-closed door of the storage unit when they kiss? Dick move. Though the way half a second after Kalinda takes *another* step forward, one of Lana's feet rocks back a little bit [ETA: see icon for a way trimmed back this] makes me think they maybe did actually kiss behind there, which is something, at least.
*Sigh*. And then my internet went out, and then my Dish went out, and then I made a Good Wife icon while waiting for everything to come back, and now it's 3am. Shall finish watching tomorrow.
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-26 03:42 pm (UTC)HOWARD: "Raj, billions of dollars have gone into creating the internet and putting pictures of naked ladies onto it so we don't have to peep through windows."
RAJ: "No, I'm looking at someone's TV. The Good Wife is on. ~laughs~ This show is my new Grey's Anatomy"!
~later~
HOWARD: "Okay, can we maybe point the telescope at the moon now?"
RAJ: ~sad~ "No. The Good Wife is crying. Something is very wrong..."
no subject
Date: 2010-05-26 09:57 pm (UTC)