(no subject)
Feb. 28th, 2007 01:07 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
commotiocordisMy left knee is still being horrid. Dumb bitch of a joint.
And I kinda feel like crap right now. Because my mum was yelling at my brother for schoolish stuff and I realized that what I'm doing is the exact same shit he's been doing for a long time, the not doing work stuff. I don't know why he doesn't do it, but the end result is the same. He's got tests he missed that he's never made up, so do I. He's got homework/assignments from January that he hasn't yet turned in. So do I. I wager the test thing is the same reason as me, the not wanting to go up to a teacher and ask. It's the same reason I'm going to end up not applying to this summer medical program--I can't muster up the fucking nerve to ask a teacher to write recommendations. I need to get over myself and suck it up and ask if I can still make some of this stuff up (because I think--that's a lie. I know-- that I missed another history quiz recently, I'm also missing a lab for chemistry and probably loads of other stuff that I actually have forgotten). And it's so late, and the teachers shouldn't let me make anything up, but I think they would if I explained my situation. Problem is, I can't handle that. I'm not good at telling people things, particularly people that can really influence my life. I feel that so many of the decisions I've made for myself in the past years, this year especially, were so unbelievably wrong that anything I do will just screw me over even more. Anyway. I've been being all depressive and miserable the last couple of days, so that's fun.
Mock trial is all drama-y and somewhat entertaining. I was sort of expecting this, but if there was one thing that could drive this big of a wedge between varsity and JV, it was regionals. Our entire team (meaning varsity) is pissed off at most of their team (meaning JV). Okay, mainly just one girl who seems to think that it's her divine right to go to regionals with us. Um, sorry. You didn't make it. She (and quite a few other people on her team, but she's the worst) got this inflated sense of their skill when they scored well in the first round. Well, they didn't in the second round, and all of a sudden they think the other team's cheating by switching up the people on their team so that they played the same part two rounds in a row, thus unfair advantage over those of us who had to switch. Okay, if they are, sure, that's unfair. Prove it. They haven't been able to. They didn't do as well, and yet members of their team are getting to go to one round of regionals at the expense of the members of our team who actually earned it. Does that really make sense? It's like "Oh, the varsity basketball team made it to the state competition! But, you know, the freshman team has been playing really well this year. Let's have some of the varsity people play only half the game and put the freshmen in there."
I don't know. I'm going both rounds for regionals, but I believe that I am one of only three who are. And the people on our team who only were able to go one round in prelim/normal competition don't get to move on at all. And instead, we get people such as the one I mentioned before, who, frankly, sucks. I feel like a bitch for complaining so much about her, but she does. She gets up there and the things she says aren't even in sentence form. I don't remember exactly what she said in her closing last round, but when I first heard it I just shook my head because the first thing out of her mouth was some kind of compound fragment. If, by some bizarre chance, she ends up assigned to do the closing for either regionals round, well, it's not happening. I don't care if I have to simply stand up faster than she does when the judge asks for closing arguments, she's not doing them. But I think it will be Ryan, so that's no problem. If it were simply a thing of she needed questions for examinations written for her, I'd be fine with that. I've done it before, I'll do it again. But she can't deliver them. She (and, sadly, most of the people on her team and one, though she's better than last year, on ours) can't diverge from planned questions once they're written. So, for example, if she asks question one, but the witness goes on and answers question two along with question one, she can't handle either skipping question two or, as the case may be, simply rephrasing it to ask about some little a bit in question two that the witness maybe didn't cover. They ask the question two anyway. Flexibility is the most important thing in these competitions. The ability to think on your feet, to rebut even when you weren't expecting the objection you just drew, you know?
I'm worried, I guess I mean. I don't care that we're not going to get anywhere beyond regionals, I never expected us to get this far. It was pure luck that we got put up against teams that were comparable to/worse than us in skill this year, more luck that the judges we got were ones whose scoring scale is towards the high side, etc. I just don't want to get up there, go against a really good team, and feel like we could have, should have done better. I don't want to be embarrassed by our new team, plain and simple.
Grr at fanfiction.net. I hate their dumb 150 favorite stories rule. I was just randomly surfing along and I found some really good stuff, but lo and behold, somehow I was already at 151 favorite stories. I had to go through and delete a bunch of them to put the new ones on. It's not horrible, because I record the title, author, summary, and link of the ones I delete, and they're mostly from fandoms that I'm not into anymore. But I got rid of about 20 or 25 of them last year and then during the great hard drive debacle of 2006, lost the file in which I had saved links to all the ones I took off. Which makes me sad, because though I'm taking off the ones that I'm not hugely into, I still will read them, flip through my list occasionally and find old stuff I haven't read in a while.
Yeah, this last entire section was pointless. Whatever. I haven't done any work; not the chem lab that I told myself I'd work on, not the activities listing/resume thing that I need to write up to give to the teachers that I need recommendations from (like that's ever going to happen), not my english homework (though I rarely ever do that), not the math review assignment (I feel even more like I have to do all the work now that I'm auditing it because I don't want to get yelled at if they think that I made the switch just so I didn't have to do any work) and I'm fucking fed up with this huge anxiety crap that I get whenever I even think about school/work/anything. I'm sabotaging myself and if I don't figure this out I'm going to end up ruining my life even more than I already have.
And I kinda feel like crap right now. Because my mum was yelling at my brother for schoolish stuff and I realized that what I'm doing is the exact same shit he's been doing for a long time, the not doing work stuff. I don't know why he doesn't do it, but the end result is the same. He's got tests he missed that he's never made up, so do I. He's got homework/assignments from January that he hasn't yet turned in. So do I. I wager the test thing is the same reason as me, the not wanting to go up to a teacher and ask. It's the same reason I'm going to end up not applying to this summer medical program--I can't muster up the fucking nerve to ask a teacher to write recommendations. I need to get over myself and suck it up and ask if I can still make some of this stuff up (because I think--that's a lie. I know-- that I missed another history quiz recently, I'm also missing a lab for chemistry and probably loads of other stuff that I actually have forgotten). And it's so late, and the teachers shouldn't let me make anything up, but I think they would if I explained my situation. Problem is, I can't handle that. I'm not good at telling people things, particularly people that can really influence my life. I feel that so many of the decisions I've made for myself in the past years, this year especially, were so unbelievably wrong that anything I do will just screw me over even more. Anyway. I've been being all depressive and miserable the last couple of days, so that's fun.
Mock trial is all drama-y and somewhat entertaining. I was sort of expecting this, but if there was one thing that could drive this big of a wedge between varsity and JV, it was regionals. Our entire team (meaning varsity) is pissed off at most of their team (meaning JV). Okay, mainly just one girl who seems to think that it's her divine right to go to regionals with us. Um, sorry. You didn't make it. She (and quite a few other people on her team, but she's the worst) got this inflated sense of their skill when they scored well in the first round. Well, they didn't in the second round, and all of a sudden they think the other team's cheating by switching up the people on their team so that they played the same part two rounds in a row, thus unfair advantage over those of us who had to switch. Okay, if they are, sure, that's unfair. Prove it. They haven't been able to. They didn't do as well, and yet members of their team are getting to go to one round of regionals at the expense of the members of our team who actually earned it. Does that really make sense? It's like "Oh, the varsity basketball team made it to the state competition! But, you know, the freshman team has been playing really well this year. Let's have some of the varsity people play only half the game and put the freshmen in there."
I don't know. I'm going both rounds for regionals, but I believe that I am one of only three who are. And the people on our team who only were able to go one round in prelim/normal competition don't get to move on at all. And instead, we get people such as the one I mentioned before, who, frankly, sucks. I feel like a bitch for complaining so much about her, but she does. She gets up there and the things she says aren't even in sentence form. I don't remember exactly what she said in her closing last round, but when I first heard it I just shook my head because the first thing out of her mouth was some kind of compound fragment. If, by some bizarre chance, she ends up assigned to do the closing for either regionals round, well, it's not happening. I don't care if I have to simply stand up faster than she does when the judge asks for closing arguments, she's not doing them. But I think it will be Ryan, so that's no problem. If it were simply a thing of she needed questions for examinations written for her, I'd be fine with that. I've done it before, I'll do it again. But she can't deliver them. She (and, sadly, most of the people on her team and one, though she's better than last year, on ours) can't diverge from planned questions once they're written. So, for example, if she asks question one, but the witness goes on and answers question two along with question one, she can't handle either skipping question two or, as the case may be, simply rephrasing it to ask about some little a bit in question two that the witness maybe didn't cover. They ask the question two anyway. Flexibility is the most important thing in these competitions. The ability to think on your feet, to rebut even when you weren't expecting the objection you just drew, you know?
I'm worried, I guess I mean. I don't care that we're not going to get anywhere beyond regionals, I never expected us to get this far. It was pure luck that we got put up against teams that were comparable to/worse than us in skill this year, more luck that the judges we got were ones whose scoring scale is towards the high side, etc. I just don't want to get up there, go against a really good team, and feel like we could have, should have done better. I don't want to be embarrassed by our new team, plain and simple.
Grr at fanfiction.net. I hate their dumb 150 favorite stories rule. I was just randomly surfing along and I found some really good stuff, but lo and behold, somehow I was already at 151 favorite stories. I had to go through and delete a bunch of them to put the new ones on. It's not horrible, because I record the title, author, summary, and link of the ones I delete, and they're mostly from fandoms that I'm not into anymore. But I got rid of about 20 or 25 of them last year and then during the great hard drive debacle of 2006, lost the file in which I had saved links to all the ones I took off. Which makes me sad, because though I'm taking off the ones that I'm not hugely into, I still will read them, flip through my list occasionally and find old stuff I haven't read in a while.
Yeah, this last entire section was pointless. Whatever. I haven't done any work; not the chem lab that I told myself I'd work on, not the activities listing/resume thing that I need to write up to give to the teachers that I need recommendations from (like that's ever going to happen), not my english homework (though I rarely ever do that), not the math review assignment (I feel even more like I have to do all the work now that I'm auditing it because I don't want to get yelled at if they think that I made the switch just so I didn't have to do any work) and I'm fucking fed up with this huge anxiety crap that I get whenever I even think about school/work/anything. I'm sabotaging myself and if I don't figure this out I'm going to end up ruining my life even more than I already have.
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no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 08:56 am (UTC)I really need to sort out my priorities when it comes to schoolwork. I'm terrible when it comes to motivation. And time management. And telling teachers why I haven't done something/that I need to catch up. That's probably why Chemistry's a bitch for me - I didn't study enough at first, and then I got sick, and now I'm behind. I'm okay with the stuff we're doing right now, but it's the earlier stuff that we'll need all year that I need to catch up on. And my teacher's kind of scary, too, which is not good.
I'm all sombre and depressed-like at the moment. Fuckingshitface hormones.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-03 07:00 pm (UTC)I'd give you my right if you'd give me your left. Though that wouldn't do either of us much good.
That's probably why Chemistry's a bitch for me - I didn't study enough at first, and then I got sick, and now I'm behind.
Yeah, that's probably why Chemistry's a bitch for me also. There is stuff from last year that I never learned, so the stuff this year is near impossible when she doesn't really review the old stuff first. Even when I totally get the new stuff, on the test there will invariably be some question for which you have to get the old stuff to understand what they're asking/be able to do the next step with the new stuff.
it's the earlier stuff that we'll need all year that I need to catch up on.
Exactly. I never did, and thus I'm going to be screwed. I'm supposed to take some cumulative test in the beginning of May over both years. Tis going to be impossible.
I'm all sombre and depressed-like at the moment. Fuckingshitface hormones.
Grr at them. *cuddles*
And your icon! LOL. Captures my feelings towards him perfectly.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-04 09:36 am (UTC)It's sad how long it took for me to figure out what you were saying. I had to sit here and go "Okay, Alexandria is giving me her right knee, so now she hasn't got one, and I have two. And I'm giving her my left, which means I haven't got one, and she has two. What?"
*facepalm*
you have to get the old stuff to understand what they're asking/be able to do the next step with the new stuff.
Exactly. It's kind of hard to apply knowledge you don't have.
I'm supposed to take some cumulative test in the beginning of May over both years. Tis going to be impossible.
That's gotta suck major ass. I hope it doesn't turn out to be as bad as you think, like my Chem. test on Friday. I could have done way better, but I did better than I expected.
Grr at them. *cuddles*
Yay, cuddling! Cuddling makes everything better. Everyone needs a cuddle. Even when there's nothing wrong.
I think I said 'cuddle' too much.
Captures my feelings towards him perfectly.
Same here. I thought I was teh shit when I came up with that icon.
no subject
Date: 2007-02-28 07:09 pm (UTC)Maybe that sounds lame but I don't usually say stuff like that. I think you should go ahead and ask your teachers about making up your assignements and stuff if you want to. All you need is a little confidence. The world won;t end either way (also odd to hear coming from me), and I don't know you that well but I just thought I'd post it. Anyway *hugs* and..
*smacks fanfiction.net with a flyswatter* or something cooler. heh
no subject
Date: 2007-03-05 06:23 pm (UTC)Hee, thanks. That makes me feel good.
All you need is a little confidence.
Something that I sorely lack, sadly. But yes. I really should. Problem is, the quarter actually ends this Friday. So, err, I doubt I'll have time to make it up anyway. I just must. . . make sure my report card never makes it home, lol.