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Oct. 27th, 2006 03:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
commotiocordisSo. Remember that big bit of the history project that is due Friday? Yeah. Not getting done. There's a story behind this.
I had quite a bit to do still, but only a few hours worth. Non-book research that I already had found? On my hard drive. I modified my topic like yesterday, put the finishing touches on said modification today, but quite a bit of what I had still applied to the new topic. Asked my brother at about 7pm to bring my hard drive to me on the couch from this (the main) computer. He grabs it by the cord. Cord unplugs from the drive, drive clunks on floor. Me=pissed. But not hugely. Yet.
I go to the gym. Come back. Plug in hard drive. Not working. The light wouldn't even come on to signal that it had power. Messed around with it. Went out and bought a new power thing as that appeared to be the problem and as the power goes through the USB normally, but there's a spot for an adapter cord (one of which did not come with the drive, unfortunately) for extra power or if your USB port on your computer won't give any/enough power, I hoped that would work. Nope. Determined at some point that power wasn't the problem. Plugged it into the other (this) computer, and the light came on. Problem solved. Nope.
Power's working, drive not. Spent a long time trying to figure out the problem. I eventually decided just to screw it and go to bed (as I'm getting sick and have been up late every night this week and was really upset that it looked like I was loosing everything on the drive) without doing the project. Mom comes back, tells me that my dad got it working. I come out. Not really. He thought he had because the computer did some kind of "you've plugged something in" thing, but it wouldn't do it again. We took the thing apart, messed with all of it. Tried to connect it to a box thing that we have that will turn a regular hard drive into an external one. No luck- the ribbon plug is just barely too big for some reason. (But the last conclusion I came to was that that wouldn't help anyway.) What kind of morons make stuff in a non-standard size? At some point (I think it was fine before) I heard the thing making funny noises like it wasn't spinning right. Somehow (involved somewhat gentle shaking and smacking) got it to make the good, spinning right sound. Still wouldn't work. Now pretty much no idea why. It's still out of the case and more or less disassembled at this point, and when you plug it in and unplug it, it was making the "duh-deh" "deh-duh"sound things. And occasionally, a box would come up over the far right of the taskbar saying "A problem occurred during hardware installation. Your new device may not function properly."
So. It's almost 1 at this point, and my dad decides to go to bed. I play with it a little bit more by disabling and (attempting) re-enabling of the device thing. Which we did once before. But before, it didn't tell us to reboot. I reboot this time. Computer doesn't reboot right- goes to the black screen on startup where it tells you about your machine specs, only loads the first few lines of text that are supposed to be on there, and stops. Bad sign. I reboot again, this time it loads properly, but the hard drive is back to making bad (even worse than before, where it was a funny badwhir + click thing, now it's just worsewhir) noises meaning that it's stopped spinning completely.
Hell. So. Yeah. I probably could have done my entire summary of evidence thing if I hadn't played with the hard drive until past 1:30. Because I didn't have horridly much on there in terms of done research, just a bunch of sources, some of which I emailed to myself from the medical library during the tour with minimed and can't get any other way than through them. And most, excepting the aforementioned articles that you've got to pay for/can't get at all except through the med library, I could find again. Had I actually gotten my arse in gear and forgotten about it.
But I'm still really really upset. This had so much stuff on it.
School work that I still need/isn't done/I use for reference. Which should probably be my biggest concern. But isn't.
It had hundreds of fics. Of which quite a few of the older ones (mostly my Enterprise collection) aren't online anywhere anymore.
And around 30 of my fics, which is what I'm most sad about, that and the other writings and work. Because of the fics, 10 or so are incomplete and only exist or are in the most complete form on there, several more have never been posted anywhere, and the remaining ones have been posted in various places, but most only to one site/list/board, which will make it difficult to try to track them all down to keep a copy. I don't have any kind of definitive list of all my stories, so it's going to be nearly impossible to make sure I've recovered all of the ones that it is even possible for me to find again (I completely forget about stories I've written only to rediscover them all the time. It's going to be a lot harder to rediscover now). And there are innumerous ideas and little bits of story jotted down in random Word Perfect/Word files for stuff I've not yet gotten around to writing, most of which I typed up so long ago that there's no chance of me remembering them.
Not to mention the videos and the episodes and the pictures and the manip work and the icons. OMG, the icons. I just realized that. Even ignoring that I don't have any of the huge numbers of them that I saved for my perusing pleasure that belonged to other people, I don't have any of my own anymore but the 6 that are currently on here. Some of my favorite ones just got switched out recently for this batch, and as such are not in existence.
Fic type stuff and other fandomy things are pretty much what I do for fun. So basically, all this stuff that is the only thing I have time to do for recreation anymore (that and read, especially medical type stuff, lots of which was also on here) is gone. I get a huge part of my enjoyment in life from this stuff, and it seems like that's been destroyed. Everything I've worked on, everything I've read and really enjoyed, everything I've done. It feels like part of my life is gone with it.
And I'm being depressivey and overreacting and stupid and weepy because I start crying again every couple of minutes when I start thinking about it again and I know it and I can't help it.
Which is why I haven't done my history thing, even yet. I could have done it, not easily, but done it. But I've just reacted so strongly to the breakage of the hard drive that I can't. And I know it's not just this, but it's everything lately put together and this just finally made me break down, and I can't force myself to do anything.
And yet I'm not in bed, where I should be taking into account my lack of sleep of late and the hour. (Thanks in part to a 52oz diet Dr. Pepper that I downed throughout the whole thing that I got after I got back from the gym when I thought that I was going to be up pretty late doing work that's keeping me up both from the caffeine and going to the bathroom every few minutes.) Nor am I studying for my Biology and English exams. I feel so completely worn out, but I don't feel like I would be able to get to sleep or really do anything save think about this and stare off into space.
Yay, breakdownage. I love stress.
I had quite a bit to do still, but only a few hours worth. Non-book research that I already had found? On my hard drive. I modified my topic like yesterday, put the finishing touches on said modification today, but quite a bit of what I had still applied to the new topic. Asked my brother at about 7pm to bring my hard drive to me on the couch from this (the main) computer. He grabs it by the cord. Cord unplugs from the drive, drive clunks on floor. Me=pissed. But not hugely. Yet.
I go to the gym. Come back. Plug in hard drive. Not working. The light wouldn't even come on to signal that it had power. Messed around with it. Went out and bought a new power thing as that appeared to be the problem and as the power goes through the USB normally, but there's a spot for an adapter cord (one of which did not come with the drive, unfortunately) for extra power or if your USB port on your computer won't give any/enough power, I hoped that would work. Nope. Determined at some point that power wasn't the problem. Plugged it into the other (this) computer, and the light came on. Problem solved. Nope.
Power's working, drive not. Spent a long time trying to figure out the problem. I eventually decided just to screw it and go to bed (as I'm getting sick and have been up late every night this week and was really upset that it looked like I was loosing everything on the drive) without doing the project. Mom comes back, tells me that my dad got it working. I come out. Not really. He thought he had because the computer did some kind of "you've plugged something in" thing, but it wouldn't do it again. We took the thing apart, messed with all of it. Tried to connect it to a box thing that we have that will turn a regular hard drive into an external one. No luck- the ribbon plug is just barely too big for some reason. (But the last conclusion I came to was that that wouldn't help anyway.) What kind of morons make stuff in a non-standard size? At some point (I think it was fine before) I heard the thing making funny noises like it wasn't spinning right. Somehow (involved somewhat gentle shaking and smacking) got it to make the good, spinning right sound. Still wouldn't work. Now pretty much no idea why. It's still out of the case and more or less disassembled at this point, and when you plug it in and unplug it, it was making the "duh-deh" "deh-duh"sound things. And occasionally, a box would come up over the far right of the taskbar saying "A problem occurred during hardware installation. Your new device may not function properly."
So. It's almost 1 at this point, and my dad decides to go to bed. I play with it a little bit more by disabling and (attempting) re-enabling of the device thing. Which we did once before. But before, it didn't tell us to reboot. I reboot this time. Computer doesn't reboot right- goes to the black screen on startup where it tells you about your machine specs, only loads the first few lines of text that are supposed to be on there, and stops. Bad sign. I reboot again, this time it loads properly, but the hard drive is back to making bad (even worse than before, where it was a funny badwhir + click thing, now it's just worsewhir) noises meaning that it's stopped spinning completely.
Hell. So. Yeah. I probably could have done my entire summary of evidence thing if I hadn't played with the hard drive until past 1:30. Because I didn't have horridly much on there in terms of done research, just a bunch of sources, some of which I emailed to myself from the medical library during the tour with minimed and can't get any other way than through them. And most, excepting the aforementioned articles that you've got to pay for/can't get at all except through the med library, I could find again. Had I actually gotten my arse in gear and forgotten about it.
But I'm still really really upset. This had so much stuff on it.
School work that I still need/isn't done/I use for reference. Which should probably be my biggest concern. But isn't.
It had hundreds of fics. Of which quite a few of the older ones (mostly my Enterprise collection) aren't online anywhere anymore.
And around 30 of my fics, which is what I'm most sad about, that and the other writings and work. Because of the fics, 10 or so are incomplete and only exist or are in the most complete form on there, several more have never been posted anywhere, and the remaining ones have been posted in various places, but most only to one site/list/board, which will make it difficult to try to track them all down to keep a copy. I don't have any kind of definitive list of all my stories, so it's going to be nearly impossible to make sure I've recovered all of the ones that it is even possible for me to find again (I completely forget about stories I've written only to rediscover them all the time. It's going to be a lot harder to rediscover now). And there are innumerous ideas and little bits of story jotted down in random Word Perfect/Word files for stuff I've not yet gotten around to writing, most of which I typed up so long ago that there's no chance of me remembering them.
Not to mention the videos and the episodes and the pictures and the manip work and the icons. OMG, the icons. I just realized that. Even ignoring that I don't have any of the huge numbers of them that I saved for my perusing pleasure that belonged to other people, I don't have any of my own anymore but the 6 that are currently on here. Some of my favorite ones just got switched out recently for this batch, and as such are not in existence.
Fic type stuff and other fandomy things are pretty much what I do for fun. So basically, all this stuff that is the only thing I have time to do for recreation anymore (that and read, especially medical type stuff, lots of which was also on here) is gone. I get a huge part of my enjoyment in life from this stuff, and it seems like that's been destroyed. Everything I've worked on, everything I've read and really enjoyed, everything I've done. It feels like part of my life is gone with it.
And I'm being depressivey and overreacting and stupid and weepy because I start crying again every couple of minutes when I start thinking about it again and I know it and I can't help it.
Which is why I haven't done my history thing, even yet. I could have done it, not easily, but done it. But I've just reacted so strongly to the breakage of the hard drive that I can't. And I know it's not just this, but it's everything lately put together and this just finally made me break down, and I can't force myself to do anything.
And yet I'm not in bed, where I should be taking into account my lack of sleep of late and the hour. (Thanks in part to a 52oz diet Dr. Pepper that I downed throughout the whole thing that I got after I got back from the gym when I thought that I was going to be up pretty late doing work that's keeping me up both from the caffeine and going to the bathroom every few minutes.) Nor am I studying for my Biology and English exams. I feel so completely worn out, but I don't feel like I would be able to get to sleep or really do anything save think about this and stare off into space.
Yay, breakdownage. I love stress.
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no subject
Date: 2006-12-02 10:00 pm (UTC)Well, she'd get to wear the hot outfits too. Though, erm, notforlong. /dirty
It's a play on words, see.
See I do indeed. Yay for stories and shirts and such. Ooh, I looked that shirt up, trying to see what it looks like, and I think that every country's is a different color. Australia is green, US is blue and black, UK is "pale blue and lilac", Canada is red and sort of orange, etc. That's cool.
I wait until they're at home sitting in my wardrobe to decide I don't want them
Ooh. Bad.