commotiocordis: (XG)
[personal profile] commotiocordis
So much to do. Doing none of it.

Quiz in molecular cell biology in 9ish hours (yes, it's 5am). Homework for computer class due by midnight tonight, paper for health law class due midnight Sunday (though I actually started that one today, OMG). Molecular cell biology test on Monday. Organic lab writeup due Tuesday, as well as pre-lab and actually, you know, doing the lab on Tuesday. Not to mention I didn't go to volunteer at the hospital at all this week--I only need 10 more hours and I have all of April to get them, and it's not like they actually need me around anyway, but I feel bad because technically I'm supposed to be there twice a week, and I've been trying to make it at least once--so that's 6 hours gone on Tuesday and probably no sleep the night before because I leave so early. Then, molecular cell biology lab book I haven't been keeping (no one has, and the teacher knows it, but I'm fairly sure he's a massive dick) due Wednesday. And at 8:30 on Wednesday, an organic chem test that's cumulative over the material I didn't learn for the last test because that's right around when Dad was going in for surgery, the material I didn't retain from the first exam, and the material from the massive amount of classes I haven't made it to these past few weeks because of this sleep failure I've been having.

Like I said, it's now 5:15 and I'm awake. I'm pretty much one of those people who needs to tip over and lie down on the spot when I feel tired or the tiredness passes. My circadian rhythm is still a 30ish hour cycle if left alone, so if I got a solid 6 or 8 hours of sleep (rare, but it happens), it's about 24 hours from the time I woke up that I'm really tired again.

Also, I'm just starting my period, which makes me ruminative and mopey and depression!exhausted, and much more prone to mope and consider suicide than study. Somehow my organic chem teacher has for two semesters now managed to schedule every one of his tests while I'm on my period just to make my life miserable. I should really find drugs for that, especially because I think I might be able to blame hormone stuff for the weird shift in my acne (it's worse, as well as on my back in crazy amounts for the first time ever) and incessant weight gain (yes, I will never stop harping about that because I'm about 5 pounds from officially being "overweight" again even though I've tried everything short of full-blown <400kcal/day uberlow diet to not even lose weight [though by this point, I want to] but just stop gaining it) but me and birth control did not mix well (morning sickness and weight gain).

So idk. Mope. I swore I was going to finish this health law paper tonight and probably do some of my lab too, but nope. I got mopey, and then I trolled LJ to cease aforementioned mopey, and then I updated my extended info and made a playlist on Facebook, and now I'm considering not going to orgo again today and trying to go to sleep now instead. But I'm afraid that because I didn't go to sleep until noonish yesterday, there's no chance I'd get to sleep before the quiz in molecular cell bio at 2 and I'd just be wasting time by trying--unless I'm going on 36h without sleep, it takes a good long while of lying down quietly for me to get to sleep, which majorly eats in to my productive time when I've got this much work to do. Plus, when I'm trying to sleep before some kind of appointment (like aforementioned quiz), I autonomously wake up every 15 minutes to see if it's time to go yet.

Basically, I fail. It doesn't help that I've been very *wants to write fics* lately even if they're not coming out of my head fully formed enough to do anything with, because that's another distraction and one that doesn't come along that often, so I hate to waste these spats of desire to be fannish.

Graaargh. Must pee, but navigating kitten barriers and trying to stop mama!cat from running out of the bathroom as soon as you open the door and then navigating kittens themselves once in the bathroom is a hassle, so I keep putting it off until I have to dance over aforementioned kitten barriers holding my crotch like a 3 year old. Excuse to quit whinging, I think so.

*chooses icon that looks most like what I wish to be doing atm*

Date: 2010-03-26 01:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Seriously, you take really interesting classes, I mean, with big names and stuff. Nuclear physicist! I'm tellin' ye…

I've been very *wants to write fics* lately
Do not give in!!!!!
This is one of the reasons I was always really bad at school… I would've preferred being at home writing.

Date: 2010-03-26 02:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I'm starting to think nuclear physics would be easier! I wish I could take classes that actually interested me, rather than just being interesting. I mean, this stuff could be interesting, but a not inconsiderable number of the teachers in the sciences are shit at everything but research and don't teach worth anything, which is managing to kind of turn me off of the entire subject.

It's all complicated by this scholarship that I have, which means I have to take a certain number of hours *and* make pretty much all As in them or I lose a bazillion dollars and have to drop out and become a bum on the street. Otherwise, I would probably have already dropped organic chemistry--I didn't go to one test because it was when my dad was having his cancer surgery, so I'll be taking a makeup at the end of the semester, but I realized that means I will have earned about only 1/3 of the final points for my grade by the drop date, meaning even if I've got an A then (unlikely, as this class and I don't get along), I could still spectacularly fail the course. Very scary.

This is one of the reasons I was always really bad at school… I would've preferred being at home writing.

Ditto, though more often reading. I also have the . . . idk--advantage? disadvantage? of being very good at the subjects that interest me (sometimes to the point of the class being totally worthless, as in last spring's abnormal psych) and very bad at the subjects that don't (case in point, organic chemistry). And I'm pretty sure that's the direction it works in--of course, I'm less likely to like a class that kicks my ass, but it mostly starts with me not being interested enough to try.

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