(no subject)

[commotiocordis]

So. I'm really stressing about this mock trial thing tomorrow today. Because I don't have my stuff memorized. And I really need to, because evidently I got docked big time for using notes first round. Umm, it's specifically in the rules that you can't dock for using notes, but they do it anyway, which pisses me off.

School is probably more stressing right now. I'm behind in everything, but the quarter ends Friday, so all the time that I thought I had to gather courage and ask teachers to be able to make up work is gone. And even if they agreed to let me, between mock trial Tuesday and Thursday, preparing for it tonight and Wednesday, I have no evenings to do this work. My report card's going to suck, I'm not going to be able to bring my grades up for semester at all, and I'm going to be right back where I used to be, with straight Bs and prolly a couple of Cs at the rate I'm going. It's totally different from previous years, though, because back then it was more "Oh, I do just what I need to to get by", but now I can't force myself to work. At all. I stress and get sick whenever I think about it, so I don't work, trying to avoid said stress, but really just cause more by not doing the work. I've said this all a thousand times, but it's never helped me.

Mock trial coach lady yelled at us on Sunday for bitching about the team combination thing. I was going to defend myself (because she made it seem like we were defaming the personal qualities of the people on the team while that was not the case; we simply discussed how their skill wasn't up to par and mainly how we disagreed with the policy. With the skill bit, it's the same way that you would say "Yeah, so and so's not good at math, really.") and explain that we're simply in disagreement with her decision to select the team in that manner, but the group she was bitching at was comprised halfly of people who weren't involved at all, so were I to start talking back, it would drag them into it and I didn't want to do that. She wants me to wear this suit jacket thing of hers, though, which is pretty much too small. I'm like "Okay, but I can't so much button it as not." She's like "Yeah, that's fine". I'm not crazy about it, honestly, I'm a fan of my mostly unbuttoned red long sleeved dress shirt and low cut black tanktop underneath when we're going against co-ed and guys' schools. Kidding, but it's more comfortable than trying to smush a tight jacket on top of that.
Speaking of, I've got to go find my pants. They were in the bathroom for a while, but I finally threw them down the laundry chute a few days ago. So they're in the laundry room in the basement somewhere. Which means that they're undoubtedly wrinkly (even though these pants are really good at staying unwrinkled, there's only so much they can take) so I'll have to get up early and iron them. Grr. Though not, I guess, because I'm pretty sure I'm going home before trial like I usually do (for just an hour or so, but I can't stand being away from home for 16 hours like that without time to sit down and relax).

English journal conferences this week. Realized I haven't been doing my journal at all this quarter. I have maybe four pages of it. Shit. And my grade is hugely riding on this thing. I heard one girl had one zero and it brought her down to a 79%. My one zero in that class is for a huge thing. I've got to be practically failing.

Spanish test tomorrow also. Same with bio. Both grades also riding on these tests. Got a 73% on the last Spanish test (I, along with more than half the class, got one entire conjugation section wrong for some reason) and I never do well on the vocab quizzes, so I doubt I've got higher than a B- in there at the moment. Bio is easy, but I don't know this stuff that well (as he really didn't teach it, grr) and it's all diagrams and such to draw and essays. Multiple choice I can get, because those tend to be easy, but I have to diagram from scratch a bunch of stuff. Grr.

Started a book Sunday evening, finished it this afternoon: Trial by Journal by Kate Klise. It's a kids' book, really, but I thought it was entertaining. It's a quick read, something to do while you're lounging around and want to do something easy but fun for two hours. Twas cute. I had started going back through and rereading the Everworld books, but I can't find my copy of book 3, so I stopped until I can locate it (I'm not one for reading out of order when I've not read the books for several years) and my sister really loves the Klises' books, and this was lying around, so I picked it up.

So. I'm going to finish this fic I'm reading and then go to bed. Because yay, sleep. I've been doing that a lot lately. Ish. I'm waking up every 2 hours or so, more and more frequently as it gets closer to morning. I'm falling asleep for 15 minutes and then waking up as it nears 6:30. So I'm having to sleep for longer periods to counter the fact that I'm not getting good sleep. I've given up on the whole stay up to do work thing. I don't do the work anyway, so why the hell am I staying up? It's odd, though, if I go to bed at 10ish and get up at 6ish (like I did Sunday night), you'd think I wouldn't always be as tired as I am. My mum makes these comments about how I spend all my time sleeping, and I'm like "But I don't--I can't sleep most of the time!" I get really defensive about it, for some reason. An odd one, I am.

Comments

[tweekrheartsjmo.livejournal.com]

Bahhh, I just realized I'm starting college in 3 months and then I'm gonna be all stressed too *headdesk*
*runs and hides*

[chaosity.livejournal.com]

OMG ICON.

Heh, you're going to have to tell me just how bad college is when you go. To, y'know, make me change my mind about going to university. *chews lip anxiously*

[tweekrheartsjmo.livejournal.com]

I totally credited you *smile*

And actually I'm so looking forward to being able to go to college and meet people, a little *well-placed* stress might do me some good. Plus my mom has to be me a car sometime before then so, whee!

[veils.livejournal.com]

But you're the best kind of odd!
AND HELLO WE NEED TO TALK MORE OFTEN BECAUSE I MISS OUR CONVERSATIONS MADE OF AWESOME.

[crashcart9.livejournal.com]

Yeah, umm, I MISS YOU TOO!!

School and work and the fact that I've not been getting on the internet ever lately, much less when you over there on the other side of the world are awake have combined in a sucky way. I haven't been talkig to anybody much. Must remedy that. So. Yay.

And your Gillian! I told Cathryn, I don't know if you saw, but my brother happened to bring home an X-Files dvd for me a week or two ago from the library. I was all with the happy. Because I don't think he had any idea that I wanted to see it, but just got it because it's all sorta the type of thing I'd like. And it was good! And I was happy. Because the action scenes didn't bore me because they were short enough and varied enough and when Scully took down this guy that was harrassing a prostitute on a street corner I was kinda like "OMG, you're really hot when you're tough. Domenow." /story

And my dumb email/computer! It took me like 6 tries to get this to post because popup blocker things kept stopping me. One after another.

[veils.livejournal.com]

OMG YOU SAW IT. I don't think I've seen that episode though. Maybe its from the first season? I've been going backwards from Season 7 instead of forwards from 1.
Her clothes get less...bad in the later seasons.

[crashcart9.livejournal.com]

I think it was actually season six. Season six, disk four, perhaps? Had an episode with evil!Krycek and Skinner getting some nanotechnology diseasey thing on it? ("SR819", methinks) The scene I mentioned was from an episode where this guy can predict death because they go all black and white before and he keeps trying to take a picture of death so he can actually die or something.

Her clothes get less...bad in the later seasons.

Yeah, I had heard that they sucked (mostly through comparisons to Brennan, about her being Scully with better fashion), but I didn't really see it. Probably because what I saw was later.

[veils.livejournal.com]

Season 6 Disc 3! I wish I didn't know that off by heart! And now I realize I have seen the episode you're talking about. The end of the episode is cute. Did you see the scene in either one of the last two episodes on that disc that I can't remember because they're like, two-part ones and all burred together where Mulder is playing basketball and he attempts to be cool in front of his friends? It always makes me giggle. Scully's just like, "*eyebrow* ...No 'jag-off shoeshine tip'?"

And yeah, the baggy suits that just made her look shorter than she is (which you really don't want to do, hee) were thankfully phased out.

[chaosity.livejournal.com]

I'm a fan of my mostly unbuttoned red long sleeved dress shirt and low cut black tanktop underneath when we're going against co-ed and guys' schools.

*snort* Way to win the jury over.

Sam is right. You're the best kind of odd! I actually wrote 'best kind of awesome' at first, which I believe supports my point.

I stress and get sick whenever I think about it, so I don't work, trying to avoid said stress, but really just cause more by not doing the work. I've said this all a thousand times, but it's never helped me.

Have you thought about trying a stress-relief exercise? Or even finding someone to talk to who isn't going to go "rahh!" about your schoolwork/sleep in one way or another? I did some googling (fuck english - this is more important. Bloody pursuasive speech. I HATE YOU) and this (http://reachout.com.au/default.asp?ti=310&gclid=CNe1v8f234oCFSSQYAodgD6OrA) site looks good. It's Australian! Whee hee. Yep, expect lots of "put the billy on for a nice relaxing cuppa by the swag" and "shoot roos!" on the stress management list. (Oh, you're so not amusing, Cathryn).

It's funny that they mention the whole 'fight or flight' response, because I used to suffer panic attacks last year for what I thought was no particular reason. I'd just be lying there watching TV or something, and all of a sudden it's like I can't breathe. Well, actually, I could breathe (barely), but nothing was happening. My heart was still racing and I felt lightheaded and shaky. Like I was suffocating... while breathing. Anyway, blah blah, turns out I was stressing too much. But because I'm terrible for letting things bottle up, I wasn't really noticing how stressed I was until it hit me like that. And that's my story. I felt like telling it, after one of these websites reminded me of it.

But (through pretty much random chance) I found my preferred method of stress relief. Which is walking the dog. It's amazing how much it helps. I mean, when I've had a particularly bad or stressful day at school, all I'll feel like doing when I get home is get out that door and miles away ASAP. And then as I'm walking or whatever (with my music, which also helps, so it's like a double dose) I'll feel this swelling sort of euphoric sensation in my chest, and even that whole Art essay and Chemistry test that's mere hours away don't seem worth bothering about. But that's prolly my lack of committment to my studies shining through as well.

...Blah. I wish I wouldn't talk so much sometimes, particularly when hardly any of it is helping you. It's all my homework's fault! (They should put "blame someone else!" on one of these lists. Really helps.)

What? How is "having high self esteem" a helpful thing to include on a "stress relief method" list? Like... what? Gragh you make me sad, website.

Shutting up now, because I am annoying.

[crashcart9.livejournal.com]

Way to win the jury over.

I thought so. Though usually it's just for the other team. Works, too. I'm cross examining a boy, I lean over a bit as I ask my question, he's too busy looking at my chest to answer coherently. That's never actually happened to a horrid extent, but I've had to repeat questions a couple of times for that reason, I'd suspect. Still, you know how it makes you feel better about yourself, more confident, if you're wearing sexy clothes? That's the main reason I do it.

Sam is right. You're the best kind of odd! I actually wrote 'best kind of awesome' at first, which I believe supports my point.

Hee, yay. Y a vosotros tambien.

Have you thought about trying a stress-relief exercise?

Twould probably be helpful. I keep wanting to sign up for a yoga class or something for the same reason, but just haven't found one that is close enough to my house, cheap enough, and doesn't do their classes in the middle of the day when people are at school. (morons.)

Yep, expect lots of "put the billy on for a nice relaxing cuppa by the swag" and "shoot roos!" on the stress management list.

Umm, you so are amusing. *wipes soda off monitor* I have no idea what the first means, though I think coffee is involved, permaybehaps.
And I did have to look up some things while perusing it. I was all "Err, schoolies? No comprendo." And then I googled it and it said that they were the same thing as leavers, and I was all "Hey, I know that one!" and was happy.

It's funny that they mention the whole 'fight or flight' response, because I used to suffer panic attacks last year for what I thought was no particular reason. I'd just be lying there watching TV or something, and all of a sudden it's like I can't breathe.

Yeah, I get those on occasion. Not often, thankfully, but usually in the worst places. Like the stands in the middle of a school pep rally. I've tended to avoid those since. Not fun.

But because I'm terrible for letting things bottle up, I wasn't really noticing how stressed I was until it hit me like that.

I'm terrible at that too, though I've gotten good at noticing when I'm really stressed. Not that I then do anything about said stress, but I notice. It's horrid that it has to hit you like that, though. I hate those buggers.

But that's prolly my lack of committment to my studies shining through as well.

Probably. But I think I'll probably try that at some point. It's not as effective, methinks, around here, as I just would end up walking through my neighborhood instead of the pretty land that surrounds you with the green and the kangaroos and such, but it still would be nice, I think. Weather's good lately, so we'll give it a go. And my dog needs walking anyway.

(They should put "blame someone else!" on one of these lists. Really helps.)

It does at that.

How is "having high self esteem" a helpful thing to include on a "stress relief method" list?

No idea. Whether you think highly of yourself or not, when you've got three papers and a lab due tomorrow and you've not started any of them, you're going to be bloody stressed. Plus, self-esteem = not an easy thing to fix. You could get rid of all your stress and still have a crap self-esteem.

And not annoying. *hugs* Or just the best kind of annoying, perhaps.

[chaosity.livejournal.com]

I'm cross examining a boy, I lean over a bit as I ask my question, he's too busy looking at my chest to answer coherently.

I'd totally be the same.

you know how it makes you feel better about yourself, more confident, if you're wearing sexy clothes?

Yes, I do. And once you feel sexy and attractive, it really shines through and other people can sense it and you become sexy and attractive to them too. I hope that doesn't sound like you're not already sexy and attractive to begin with. Because that would be lying, which is bad.
AHH words aren't coming out the way I want them to tonight. It's so damn frustrating! *wibbles*

Y a vosotros tambien.

*rereads* Nope, not english. Hee.

I keep wanting to sign up for a yoga class or something

A friend of mine from school is starting boxing lessons. I want to join. THAT would be awesome stress relief. Plus, Million Dollar Baby is one of my favourite movies so I'd feel special. Whee.

*wipes soda off monitor*

Oh, dang. Sorry for messing up your stuff like that.

Hee, that reminds me of the whole keyboard-snogging thing we had in one of our earlier conversations. With the talking about dropping food everywhere. That one's probably still active. Because we rock.

I have no idea what the first means, though I think coffee is involved

Well, I doubt many people our age here would know it either. No one under the age of seventy who lives within a 500 kilometre radius of civilisation actually talks like that. Translation: "put your little can of water on the fire so you can make yourself a nice cup of tea (or coffee, yes) and sit down by your sleeping bag under the shade of a big tree." Only I didn't mention the tree part. That's the image I get. I blame Waltzing Matilda. /Aussie lesson

It's horrid that it has to hit you like that, though

It is. And, sadly, that's the only way I know I'm getting really stressed. But luckily I jump on top of it once I start to stress or worry. And I'm learning to just let it out. Yay for progress.

Sex. I forgot to mention this last time, but sex is a proven stress-relief method. With the endorphins and such. *nods*

I just would end up walking through my neighborhood instead of the pretty land that surrounds you with the green and the kangaroos and such

Hmm, true. It does help when you're basically in the wilderness. Although most of the time I'm walking through suburbia (Summer + wilderness = snakes, so I wait until winter/spring to go exploring), but there are still lots of trees and grassy bits and fresh air. Nature is yay. So is green. Right now everything's all dry and brown, but in a couple of months winter will be here and then there will be green grass and rivers and pretty. You should come over and we can go walking! Totally.

And my dog needs walking anyway.

*giggles* Your dog is awesome. He's all, er, big boned, and cuddly. I want to squeeze him.

when you've got three papers and a lab due tomorrow and you've not started any of them, you're going to be bloody stressed

Exactly! It's not like self esteem is going to write your essays for you. And also, having low self esteem and/or confidence can be a cause for stress, so telling people that having high self esteem causes stress-relief is only going to make them feel worse.

You could get rid of all your stress and still have a crap self-esteem.

Definitely. Like when people assume that rich people are happy, or supermodels have a great self-image (bulimia, anyone?).

Or just the best kind of annoying, perhaps.

*gigglesnort* Oh good, I'm glad. *hugs*