(no subject)

[commotiocordis]

Also, Dad came down (surprise!) yesterday, which I didn't actually know about until he was already on his way, so we spent two hours frantically cleaning. Basically, he gave me a hug and then took me shopping for groceries and then made sure I'd made an appointment to actually go talk with my teachers rather than just blowing it off because I was too scared (his actual purpose of coming down was to pretty much march me in there if I hadn't; he was going to go in and sit in the hallway and wait for me today as moral support or something, but he wasn't feeling well, so ended up going home early this afternoon instead).

I don't like how . . . idk, old he is all of a sudden. I mean, he's 56 and people read him as my grandfather sometimes. I know it's just the cancer and then the lung infection thing and the billion surgeries (also, the anti-fungal meds are like mini!chemo; he's nauseated a lot still and is going to have to take the stuff for more than a year, so that's going to be fun), but he's tired a lot and he's weak and he's always sick and it upsets me. Dad's supposed to be the strongest person I know, you know? That's how fathers work. And he's not right now, even though he's not "actively" sick, and it's upsetting something substantial in my worldview, I think.

Obviously, there's nothing anyone can do about that and it's not his fault, etc. etc. etc., I just had some ~feelings.