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Speaking of Valentine’s Day being Saturday, Grandmother's birthday. My dad thus called. Which sucks. The fact that it's really hard for me to watch him watch her die just gives me the barest glimpse into how he must be feeling. Their conversation was fairly short because it's so exhausting for her to breathe, at the end of the day like it was when he called, she's just too tired to finish a conversation.

I'm really not sure what to do about the whole thing. He promised to call her today when she couldn't finish talking to him on the 14th, but I don't think he did. I think he forgot, but I also think he wanted to forget because it's so hard for him to hear her struggle to breathe and have trouble finding words sometimes and such. Do I remind him?

Also, do I offer my services in being able to go down there and idk, go to the doctor with her to make sure that everything's being taken care of? From what we've heard from her, the doctor is pretty much shit, and she keeps going to the ER whenever she gets even a bit sick because of doctor fail in him making her think the end is reallyfuckingimminent (which he's been telling her for more than a year now, which just goes to show), but it might be that he's just fail in explaining things in a way she can understand or something. I could go and both sort of translate for her and messenger the real situation back up to the rest of the family, as I'm just under 3 hours away (school is maybe 11 minutes drive off of exactly halfway between home and her). It'd have to be on a weekend or something, really, or after 3 on a weekday, which are hard times to get appointments (as I've found, trying to get one at home for me on a day I can be there for it), so I don't know how feasible it would be, but I could offer. But I don't know if that's. . . appropriate, I guess?

Idk. The whole thing is really affecting me more than I or anyone would have expected. It's the combination of only being at home one long weekend every two months or so and feeling so disconnected because of it, pretty clearly, and it's not so much about Grandma (my brother's always been much closer to Dad's side than I am, probably because he's more clingy in general and we don't spend as much time with his family for me get that attached beyond the inherent familial allegiance) as watching my dad go through it. I actually burst into tears the first time I came home and he ended up leaving that next morning to rush down because Grandma wasn't doing well, which is not something I do out of anything but frustration (though that's a little of what that was, seeing as I'd been gone for 2.5 months and come back and everyone's leaving on me).

Dilemma. Has anybody else gone through long-distance grandparent loss (as that's a huge part of it, that he can't just pop over and be with her on short notice)? How do I support my father without going too far--even though he's not the big macho father that a lot of people I know have, there's a big drive to keep face in front of the rest of the family, naturally, as the male head of household, so anything I do has got to be taken in context of that, as I don't want to add to his discomfort by implying accidentally (or even making him think that I'm implying accidentally) that he can't handle it or anything.

(no subject)

Just testing out the "post from email" option.  For the third time, as it's not liking me.  Perhaps it's on a lag, and because I just set it up a few hours ago it takes a while for LJ to acknowledge that this email is an accepted post-from venue.  Or they're all backed up in LJ and will all post at once.  Either way, some three-plus copies of this will probably show up at some point, LOL.

Third time failed, and thus we're posting from Semagic as usual. Don't know why that's not working, but the above reasons are probably at least part.

So, Psych on Friday? Not a fan. Really just wasn't very funny, IMO. The whole Lassiter scene was quite touching, but we'd all called it from the very beginning and his lovey speech didn't really fit with the overall tone of the show. I kept asking myself where the joke was.

Did not get to watch Dollhouse, but my worries from the beginning about how it didn't sound that good are being reinforced by the vague reviews I'm hearing from others that did see it. Showed Dr. Horrible to the mother yesterday, who enjoyed it quite a bit (though she wasn't crazy about how it just ended), so weekend Joss fix = accomplished.

I'm at home atm for the long weekend. I should be leaving around 4 tomorrow to get back for a mock trial meeting Monday night, but I don't think that's happening, as BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY IS COMING TO SPEAK HERE. And since he's kinda one of my favorite guys of all time (you should hear me quote things like "Science rules" or burst into giggle fits anytime anyone says "Consider the following"), it wins. Must come up with a good excuse for not being able to come to MT, though I really shouldn't have to as I could make every single other meeting we've ever even proposed having. Still not looking forward to that in general. I'm sticking with the distancing myself plan, as then I can resist taking over and rewriting everyone's everything and can brush it off when since I didn't rewrite stuff, we get our asses kicked in two weeks.

Had lobster for the first time yesterday. Yum. It wasn't even good lobster (so says my dad; naturally I have no comparison), but I'm a huge fan of the richness (which is actually what Dad says was lacking in this one, so I can't wait to taste a good one). And scallops, though I think I've tasted them before. Fan of both, but the lobster more; I liked the scallop but it wasn't really anything new, delicious but not different from other seafoods like the lobster was in its richness. That's what my parents did for Valentine's Day, LOL, Dad bought lobster and Mom bought scallops and they cooked them up just in the kitchen and ate them at the table. I'd make a recession joke, but that's always what they've done, really, because they like homemade food. I trust nobody noticed my switching to my ancient, made because of a challenge I misread the rules for and so never actually entered it into, Valentine's NCIS icon, which was my only concession to the day.

[[There was at one point a whole huge thing here that I went back and added after finishing the rest of the post where I segued into Valentine's Day being my paternal grandmother's birthday and the whole situation with her and my dad and her health and such, but it became too long for this post and not the right attitude to then jump back to my sister being a socialite, so that will come in a separate post.]]

My sister is quite the social animal, I'm realizing. I mean, I knew that, but sort of forgot as with other people's vacations and such there wasn't much of it over Christmas. I come home Friday and she's having a Friday the 13th party with some 5 preteen girls (interestingly enough, two-maybe-three of whom have parents who teach in our school district; one of them math at the high school who actually recognized me despite my not ever having him nor spending more than one hour a day in the math building and none last year nor even ever having a conversation with the man, I don't think, which was somewhat weirding, though less so as he was quite nice). She spent Saturday afternoon out somewhere, and spent today making plans for people to go with her to BILL NYE OMG tomorrow. I mentioned to Mom, "Aren't you glad that you managed to skip this with your first two?" She responded with an emphatic yes.

I'm kind of jealous, though. Not of the socialization, as I tend to find that tiring, but idk, of the happiness she gleans from it? I do remember a time in elementary school when I loved going to parties and such, but it seems like people don't just get together and have fun just for the sake of it anymore. Since. . . hell, probably 8th grade, there was either a reason (a birthday or event) or (usually 'and') alcohol involved. Since none of my friends drank (most not at all, and never around me), it was like we didn't have that reason to get together that "mainstream teenagers" did, so we just didn't.

Or maybe they did all through high school and just didn't invite me. Tis a distinct possibility, as it's pretty easy to admit that Katie was the only person I was really close to. Which is why it really sucks that we aren't really talking anymore. I made some reference to something we used to do, one of our many collective quirks, and Mom asked if I'd talked to her recently, and I sort of scoffed and said no. Mom was like "What, are you mad at each other or something?" and I was really sort of idk, proud that I was able to say "Well, I am, idk about her." Because you know what? I am pissed that I made an effort to stay in touch and I wasn't getting any help with it, and I'm damn well allowed to be (/part of Alexandria's "not everything is your fault, Ms. Self Esteem Fail" campaign). She was always the more social of our pair, so she knows that my making the effort was an especial stretch for me, and yet I haven't heard from her since probably September. Mom says that she and my Aunt Beth didn't talk for most of college, and yet got back together enough that she's my godmother (though idk how much they've talked beyond notes in Christmas cards in the last few years).

And in completely different news, I'm pissed off that my dad/I didn't go ahead and buy NFL swag off of this Fox Sports website that was having this killer sale, as sometime today the sale died. It was killer. $2.50 hats, $7 shirts, $12 jerseys? We're talking easily 75% off. I would have worn Denver stuff every day (and actually bought a coat that fit me--as much as I lovelovelove my Denver Broncos coat, a good part because it was my Dad's and is huge and comfortable and you can settle down in it for the winter, because it was my dad's and is huge it doesn't trap body heat especially well when the wind blows like it does in Springfield because there's just too much air between you and it to try to keep warm under the bitter onslaught.

Figured out in a burst of figureoutedness (finding the word I want fail) that the headaches I've had all weekend are from caffeine withdrawal, LOLOL. At school, I've got a glass of soda (invariably at least 18oz, usually closer to 24+) with both lunch and dinner every day, unless I'm trying to be good and abstain, which usually lasts all of a day at most. Come here, and practically nothing. I was really pleasantly surprised that taking a Tylenol worked, though; I've got it in my head that NSAIDs don't work on me, which I think is the case because I take them so rarely, usually only when I'm actually in the midst of a full-out illness (and usually not even then unless I've got to suck it up to make it through school, as I'm of the mind to try to fever things done with quicker), so they can't relieve all the sick. When it was just a medium-strength headache and I grabbed some just because they were right next to me and I figured what the hell (and also "oh god, oh god, please do not be the beginnings of a migraine" as I've had surprisingly few lately *knock on everything solid within reach* and feel like I'm due), Tylenol could do it.

I really want a soda, LOL. Or anything, I suppose, but there's an empty can of Diet Coke over near me and the caffeine monster WANTS THAT and not the lukewarm last bits of a water bottle next to it.

/test of the emergency broadcast system email posting. Chances are this will have to be cleaned up as idk if it will handle coding or anything, but I'm hopeful. Could be handy, as I tend to log in to my email on any computer I'm on for more than a few minutes (in a computer lab or something), but logging into LJ is rarer and that extra step is a deterrent from posting. Though the fact that oddly, the Firefox built in spellcheck doesn't appear to be working right now is similarly a deterrent. Idk what's up there.

(no subject)

British, French nuclear subs collide in Atlantic

Way to go, guys. There are times I thank god I live in Missouri.