(no subject)

So. Remember how I mentioned that I couldn't just not show up today/yesterday/Monday because I had tests, but I implied that I'd really like to? Sorta got my wish. In a not good way. As I was sick. Which is bad. And being ill, I didn't get any work done. People are always like "Oh, so you studied really hard for the test because you were home sick yesterday?" No. When I'm sick, I'm either occupied with being sick or sleeping most of the time. Though I admit, I did watch Merchant of Venice when I could have been doing stuff. (And I missed the Portia/Nerissa strawberry scene that's pictured on the DVD box, which disappointed me. I couldn't find it. I wonder if they took it out, but still used the shot as a publicity thing. Still, even without that scene, the movie? So gay.) But before that I was either asleep or sitting on the edge of the bathtub trying not to be sick. So still, not much time that I could have been doing stuff before I would have gotten home anyway.

So I'm scrambling to try and get something done on this history outline.

Doesn't help that for some reason my eyes keep going really blurry. And when I can't see, I'm more apt to fall asleep. Because I subconsiously figure that I can't see what's going on anyway, and as I'm so tired, I might as well just sleep. Or something. I've noticed that I'm more awake in class when I wear my glasses. But that's possibly also because when I'm wearing my glasses, that means we're taking notes or there's actual explaining going on that I might get something out of and as such I'm paying attention and not drowsing off.

But I have had so much trouble getting myself to do this thing. Like, I just can't do it. I think about doing it and I know I really need to, but when it comes to it I just don't feel like getting off of the couch. Even if the stuff's on the couch with me, I just don't feel like doing it. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm all depressed like. It always gets worse this time of year, around winter, and compounded with how it always also gets worse this time of the month, right now it's pretty darn bad. I've really been noticing the past few days. How I just don't care. Like I've got mini medical school tomorrow/today/Tuesday, and I sort of just don't want to go. Which is crazy as hell, as the second lecture is the emergency medicine one that I've been looking forward to since I signed up. And I'm getting really easily frustrated to the point of giving up and tears about everything. I'm really hoping that it's this bad because I'm all hormonal and not just because it's gotten this bad. As that would be bad. (Yay, the word 'bad'.)

So I've been trying every possible procrastination method known to man. Including watching movies/TNG episodes/Stargate episodes, carving pumpkins (which I spent several hours on without realizing that it had been several hours as I was trying to fit a really complicated design onto a rather small pumpkin and it ended up not working at all because I had to shrink the design too much to fit and then the details were too small to stay attached which really pissed me off because I had spent 3 hours for nothing), and sitting on my bedroom floor and crying my ass off for long periods of time.

Anyway. This is why I didn't want to come over here to start typing what I've got on the history thing in the first place; I knew I'd get all sidetracked and stuff like the moronic whore I am. History. Now. Yes.