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So. For a long time, the word in my house has been that when I clean up my room, I'd get moved to another bedroom in the house. And now they're (they being mis padres) actually doing it. Which I don't like. I've got enough stress and responsibility in my life right now that I'm actually actively rebelling against the responsibility and such. Dunno why, there's probably some Freudian reason/defense mechanism thing that I could come up with, but for once, I don't really feel like analyzing the why behind the why behind the what. But said rebelling is badbadbad. As I'm not doing my work, mainly. Adding more change to the mix is only making it worse. I can't handle change, especially over something as -- for lack of a better word -- sacred as my bedroom. I cleaned the bloody thing and I couldn't sleep well for 3 days. I was waking up and flipping over and not being able to get back to sleep and I barely got one continuous hour each night. I'm still not sleeping well since because I haven't yet gotten used to the difference in it being clean--something that seemingly inconsequential in the room where I sleep is enough to completely set me off track. I don't have a problem usually (I never sleep as well, but not this poorly) sleeping in other places on vacation or whatever because I know that it's temporary, it's that I know that I'm being shunted over into this room for good that's freaking me out.

It makes no sense, really. I just really like the room I'm in, but my mum decided that my little sister gets it now. Which also makes no sense to me, because my mom's all "you've had that room forever and you kept it all messy and so now you get the titchy room". But, err, I've never had a room to myself. Never. Never has the mess in the room been all or even mostly mine. Even though my sister doesn't sleep in the room that I'm in now (the bigger one), she keeps her stuff there and as such messes it up even more than I do because she doesn't have to be in there for long periods of time for sleeping and such. My brother has the freaking master bedroom (his is the biggest, the one I've got now is the next, the one I'm moving to is the smallest) and has had it to himself for years and it's twice as messy as mine ever was and it's all his mess. Does he have to move to a smaller room? No. So I really don't understand why they're doing this to me.

So yes. The room is tiny (there's a minuscule little futon in there right now, and when it's opened and in one corner, you've got maybe a meter on one side and a meter and a half on the other clearance between it and the opposite walls), it's this annoying shade of yellow (seriously. Yellow. It's all cutesy or whatever for a baby's room, which is what it was originally painted for: to be the playroom of sorts when I was born, but it's annoying and goes with none of my furniture), and did I mention TINY? It's maybe half the size of my old room. We're talking you probably get bigger accommodations in Rikers Island.

And the sad thing is that they're practically bribing me to get me in there. I dunno, it's not so much bribing as it's they want me to like the new room even though they're forcing me into it. I mean, I was told in no uncertain terms that there's no getting out of it, but they go shopping and buy these really cool black lacyish curtains to replace the closet doors (because they don't really open well) and cover the one window with, and I'm like "Yeah, they're gorgeous, but I still don't want the fucking room." And it's always been "Hey, clean your room and we'll move you into this one and you'll get your own computer." Which is lovely, obviously, but I don't know how a computer could even fit in there. Plus, I highly doubt that they'd let me have the internet on it, and with a computer in my room, if I had to type an english paper, per se, they'd be all "do it on your computer" and I wouldn't be able to get on the internet nearly as much. And that's really mostly what I do on the computer besides schoolwork, which mostly requires the internet anyway.

Whatever. To summarize, I can't handle change so the room moving is freaking me out even though I should be old enough to handle this kind of thing. The entire situation right now is affecting me badly, and I think I really realized how much I've been stressing out about things in that I was in bed at about 3 in the morning but couldn't get to sleep. All night. And this isn't the first time that this has been happening recently. I finally got up at like 5:30 to take a shower and such, because I was coughing (and thus, every time, waking myself up just as I was about to fall asleep) from the dumb cold that I thought I was over but still continues to affect me when I lie down and just generally not able to fall asleep. And I'm being all pissy and overreacting because I'm PMSing like a bitch right now. I think this is the only time that I've ever been pleased, though, that I feel like my uterus is trying to stab its way through my abdominal wall, because this means that I'll be able to start taking the birth control crap soon, which should make next month not suck nearly as badly. It also means, however, that today is pretty much the last time I can eat for the rest of my life because of the dumb weight gain that comes with it. Sadness.

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I'll be able to start taking the birth control crap soon, which should make next month not suck nearly as badly

I was on the birth control crap for three months, because my cycle was/is all "yeah, let's just skip these few months, oh, and I'm gonna trick you this month, and haha, gotcha, here's three months all rolled into one!". But then I ran out and needed a new prescription (stupid Western Australian laws) and I've got some more, but I have to wait until I start again to take it. It's stupidstupid.

But I can't wait to get back on it, because I did notice some changes. Like, my boobs got bigger! Like, a whole cup size bigger! *dances* and I was less moody/irritable.
The cramps intensified, though. I may have to see about going on a different type.

today is pretty much the last time I can eat for the rest of my life because of the dumb weight gain that comes with it.

I'm not sure if I gained weight. I only noticed an increase in my breast size (*dances again*). But anyway, even if you do gain a little bit of weight they reckon it fixes itself out eventually, like all the other side-effects.

I feel like my uterus is trying to stab its way through my abdominal wall

That's a good way to describe it. It's weird, though, as much as I dislike the pain, I kind of... do like it? It's hard to explain. I feel more like a woman or something.

That bedroom thing is stupid. Your brother has the master bedroom?! That's so stupid! Youre the oldest! I think your parents' logic is flawed. Very flawed.

"yeah, let's just skip these few months, oh, and I'm gonna trick you this month, and haha, gotcha, here's three months all rolled into one!"

Ha, I have that too! Tis kinda a bitch. At least I'm not having sex or anything, because then I'd be all "OMG, I'm 3 weeks late, WTF?"

Like, my boobs got bigger! Like, a whole cup size bigger!

I spose that could be good, as I've got the halfway between C and D thing going on, and if it brings me up to a D proper, I'd be happy because my bras wouldn't be either squishy or have too much room. But if it's a whole size, I'll go up to halfway between D and whatever comes next, which would make it even harder to find bras that fit. Sadness.

I'm not sure if I gained weight. I only noticed an increase in my breast size (*dances again*).

Really? That's good, then. As my mum didn't either, she reckons, (though she's on a different kind of stuff) I hopefully won't have problems.

But anyway, even if you do gain a little bit of weight they reckon it fixes itself out eventually, like all the other side-effects.

I surely hope so. Because I think I'm all side-effected out right now. I'm undoubtedly seeing them before they actually occur and blaming every twinge on them, as I doubt it'd be affecting me this much when I've only taken 4 pills, but if it truly is this stuff that's bugging me (I'm nauseous a lot after I take it, have headaches, occasional random hot flashes, and my cramps have actually seemed to worsen), I'm getting off of it. I tend to react to medicine quite poorly all around, so this isn't all that surprising, however.

It's weird, though, as much as I dislike the pain, I kind of... do like it? It's hard to explain. I feel more like a woman or something.

Ya know, I reckon I understand what you mean. I'm the same way, a bit. It's the fact that I bleed like a stuck pig that bothers me more than anything. It's inconvenient. When I can't last for two hours on the biggest tampon they make, you can see how I get kinda fed up with the whole thing.

Your brother has the master bedroom?! That's so stupid! Youre the oldest! I think your parents' logic is flawed.

Yeah, it really is. And I concur with the flawed logic. I am logic!girl, anyway, so I should know. That's my superhero name.

At least I'm not having sex or anything, because then I'd be all "OMG, I'm 3 weeks late, WTF?"

Ha, I know. Story: a little while ago when I first started riding the crimson wave into womanhood, I heard about 'phantom' pregnancies (don't know if that's what they're being called, don't care) where your body thinks it's pregnant when there's actually no fetus or anything. And then, that godawful "HAHA NO PERIOD FOR YOU THIS MONTH... OR THIS ONE..." happened and I was like "OMFGZ I'M WITH CHILD!" And yeah. it scared the crap out of me, 'cause I was so... um. I'm not sure. But I have an excuse for thinking I was pregnant even though I'd never had sex. I'm sure.

I'd be happy because my bras wouldn't be either squishy or have too much room.

That happens to me, 'cept I'm somewhere between an A and B (heading toward B now! Yipeee)... or possibly even somewhere between an A and the girl's section. *grumbles incoherently*

whatever comes next

DD?

I'm nauseous a lot after I take it, have headaches, occasional random hot flashes, and my cramps have actually seemed to worsen

Exactly what happened to me. Except I don't remember having hot flashes. Instead I used to wake up through the night or morning with excruciating cramps in my calf muscles. Like, as if someone was pinching the muscle with a pair of pliers. At least, I assume that was a side-effect. It started when I started the Pill, and ended after a short while. And apparently the Pill has been known to cause DVT, and these cramps happened when I was sleeping, therefore immobile. I'm not saying I had a clot, I'm just saying maybe it's connected. The doctor said it could also be my magnesium (?) levels screwing with the muscle, so I dunno if the Pill can screw with that. Whatever. I'm thinking this up now.

But yeah. I definitely suffered from nausea (particularly in the morning when I woke up) and my cramps definitely got worse. Can't say for sure if I experienced headaches as a side effect... I'm always getting headaches.

When I can't last for two hours on the biggest tampon they make, you can see how I get kinda fed up with the whole thing.

I can see what you mean. Hopefully the birth control will help that. Actually, come to think of it, I think it helped me. I still stay away from tampons though. I'm so paranoid about it falling out or that I'm gonna die from Toxic Shock Syndrome or sumfink.

I am logic!girl, anyway, so I should know. That's my superhero name

*giggles* Logic!Girl!. Da daa da daaaa!

And then, that godawful "HAHA NO PERIOD FOR YOU THIS MONTH... OR THIS ONE..." happened and I was like "OMFGZ I'M WITH CHILD!"

Aww. Cute. I used to wonder if it was possible for a female to have sperm inside her, like for her to be making it herself due to some fluke, and be getting pregnant each month and then just losing the baby because it couldn't survive the DNA flaws. But that wasn't really me thinking that I had that so much as me thinking "Man, that would be cool if. . ." I thought about odd things.

DD?

I'm never sure. That sounds right, and then there's DDD, but there's also E. How does that work? Odd. Not that I'll ever have to worry about it, though.

Instead I used to wake up through the night or morning with excruciating cramps in my calf muscles. Like, as if someone was pinching the muscle with a pair of pliers.

Oh, hell. I didn't know those could be hormone related. Could explain why I tend to get them, now that I'm thinking about it, at certain times in my cycle. If those get worse, I'm going to be pissed. They're pretty rare now, but I remember the first time I had one a few months ago and I thought I was dying of DVT or something, gods know I spend enough time sitting down between school and computer and tv and such. So that wouldn't be fun. DVT clot breaks away to cause a pulmonary embolism? I'm not a fan.

The doctor said it could also be my magnesium (?) levels screwing with the muscle

Yeah, that's what I figured mine was. High sodium intake lately can also do it, I believe. But it could be connected with dumb hormones. Makes sense.

I still stay away from tampons though. I'm so paranoid about it falling out or that I'm gonna die from Toxic Shock Syndrome or sumfink.

Really? I used them from day one. It's what my mum uses, so I figure that's why. But I'm probably the person most likely to get TSS because I use such big ones. They're always "Use the smallest size that will work," and I'm all "Okay, the smallest size that will get me through an entire day of school is two super plusses in at once." Which is probably badbadbad. But I still have to use a little pad or pantyliner or something because that doesn't even always do it, sadly. I'm all screwed up. I hate it.

I used to wonder if it was possible for a female to have sperm inside her, like for her to be making it herself due to some fluke, and be getting pregnant each month and then just losing the baby because it couldn't survive the DNA flaws.

Now that is cute. Kind of reminds me of that time I spent ages wondering how babies were made. In the end I came to the conclusion that a baby is the result of parents not arguing for a month.

Not that I'll ever have to worry about it, though.

Me neither, thankfully. Asmuch as I complain about being small, I wouldn't want to be too big. Back problems, for one. And also, once you're past a certain point, finding clothes that won't end in disaster could be difficult.

If those get worse, I'm going to be pissed.

I thought that same thing. But mine didn't last very long (not long enough to consider birth control as the cause, anyway), so hopefully you'll be the same.

DVT clot breaks away to cause a pulmonary embolism?

That makes me think of House. Now I want to watch it. But yeah. That would be terrible. I don't want you to be killed by a pulmonary embolism!

High sodium intake lately can also do it

Hmm, yeah. I think my doctor might have mentioned that, too.

"Okay, the smallest size that will get me through an entire day of school is two super plusses in at once."

Wow. See, if I was that heavy I'd be too damn uncomfortable to use tampons. Sure, pads are annoying the way they need to be changed more often (I think), and can feel pretty yuck if your flow is heavy, but I'd feel more secure with them. But then, my argument is probably flawed, with the whole not-having-used-a-tampon thing.

I'm all screwed up. I hate it.

Aww, me too. *cuddles*. Like right now. I've got cramps like whoa, only they're sharper than they've been recently, so it's like someone's stabbing me in the gut as opposed to my uterus thrashing chucking a tantrum in the form of a persistent dull ache. That's probably because this is the first period I've had since going off the birth control. Grrargh.

So anyway. Hopefully if you keep taking it you'll start to even out, and things won't be so bad. I've been thinking about it, and I did notice positive changes. My favourite was the fact that I knew the exact day to expect my period, and didn't have to worry about being sprung. The only downside were the increased cramps. I hope they go away.

In the end I came to the conclusion that a baby is the result of parents not arguing for a month.

Oh, nice! Logical.

Back problems, for one. And also, once you're past a certain point, finding clothes that won't end in disaster could be difficult.

Oh yeah. I don't get the back things, but just at my size, clothing isn't fun. My mum was digging through the clearance rack at walmart or some such place and brought back a bunch of tank top things for me in various sizes, and even the x-large wouldn't . . . hold me in. I also bought this really pretty dark red velvet top thing a few years ago, but it had tape residue on one shoulder, so I never wore it because I never got around to getting it off. Finally I did, but by then the little diamond eyelit hole thing it had in the chest stretched open so far when I tried to wear it that you can see pretty much the innner third of each of my boobs. Which wouldn't totally stop me from wearing it, because it's not so big as to be totally slutty (okay, it is sorta, but I'd still probably wear it because I love the shirt), but you can see my bra through the hole. Not fun.

See, if I was that heavy I'd be too damn uncomfortable to use tampons. Sure, pads are annoying the way they need to be changed more often (I think), and can feel pretty yuck if your flow is heavy, but I'd feel more secure with them.

Probably. I don't notice the tampons at all, though, which is good. The times that I have pads on, every time I move I can feel it. And they're more messy, which is indeed yuck. And if you're in somebody else's bathroom, wrapped up tampons are easier to hide amongst the trash so as not to advertise your "feminine issues". But they are indeed less secure. Which is troublesome.

I've got cramps like whoa, only they're sharper than they've been recently, so it's like someone's stabbing me in the gut as opposed to my uterus thrashing chucking a tantrum in the form of a persistent dull ache. That's probably because this is the first period I've had since going off the birth control.

Aww. That's horrid. It's like withdrawal from birth control. Mine, being the first one while on it, is being a similar bitch.

I've been thinking about it, and I did notice positive changes. My favourite was the fact that I knew the exact day to expect my period, and didn't have to worry about being sprung. The only downside were the increased cramps.

That's good, then. I tend to usually be able to tell when mine is coming up pretty well, though the exact day still is a mystery most of the time. But the cramps actually increased while you were on it? Everything I've heard tells me that they're supposed to decrease. My body was telling me differently, however. That was earlier, though in this ELEVEN DAY FARKING PERIOD that I've got going on now. Because it was all "Oh, I'm going to slow down like I'm stopping like normal after about five days. But no, fake out, now you're going to bleed like it's the second day again! *evil cackle*" I kinda want to stab something.

by then the little diamond eyelit hole thing it had in the chest stretched open so far when I tried to wear it that you can see pretty much the innner third of each of my boobs

Ooh, I do love those diamond-slit-things. But I had a similar experience with a dress last summer. Usually I'm a medium when it comes to those sizes (I prefer the actual numbers), but they didn't have any left in the dress I wanted, so I grabbed small. Sometimes that works for me, because small covers 8-10, and I can fit into size 10 in some clothes (but mostly I'm 12), but this time it didn't. It clung too my hips a little more than I'm comfortable with, but the worst part was the little slit it had in the chest. Was funny. It was totally stretched over my boobs, and when I untied the string it popped open as far as it would go. I found it quite inspiring, but that's just me being weird.

I'm actually happy with my boobs now. Trufax. I still make jokes and complain, but it's half-assed. I finally realised I'm quite lucky compared to some people, especially the way they're all "gravity has no effect on us" and I can go around in public without a bra and not look obvious. Which I did today, because bras are borderline insufferable on the first day of my period.

every time I move I can feel it.

Yesss, that creeps me out. Because it always seems to feel like more's coming out, y'know? And then I'm all "OMG what if I've shifted it, and now I'm leaking all over my pants?!" which was always my major fear as a young adolescent. And still is.

Oh, the drama.

Everything I've heard tells me that they're supposed to decrease

Same here. But now that I've adjusted to the birth control ~~and found an excellent pain killer~~ they're only really bad on the first day, and even then the reallybadkillmenow aches come and go, and never last very long. Mostly it's just a tolerable background kind of ache. As opposed to the reallybadkillmenow aches coming and going all the time for the first few days.

"Oh, I'm going to slow down like I'm stopping like normal after about five days. But no, fake out, now you're going to bleed like it's the second day again! *evil cackle*"

*kicks your uterus* :D

I have to agree with

xx_housecat_xx here; I didn't really notice any weight gain when I started taking birth control. My breasts definitely got bigger (from a slightly overful C-cup to a full D) which I wasn't too happy about, but I gained maybe two pounds in total, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.
Also, it's almost all stupid water retention, so it's not like you're actually getting fat.

My breasts definitely got bigger (from a slightly overful C-cup to a full D) which I wasn't too happy about

I've got the exact same situation with the too-big Cs. Getting bigger isn't exactly what I was hoping for, but on the upside, maybe bras will actually fit now. I spend so long looking for them in my size, and end up paying a lot of money for something that's still either too big or too small, so perhaps helpful.

I gained maybe two pounds in total, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.

Really? I'm slightly more optimistic now. What kind were you on? I've heard that some are worse than others for such symptoms.

I was on Diane-35, which, I found out later, is apparently more used for skin troubles than as a contraception method, which is odd because I've always had moly clear skin. It doesn't cause a substantial weight gain, but it's really shady, in that you can't smoke because you're more exposed to clots, or drink more than two alcohol units because your liver is shot, or eat grapefruit because your mouth becomes hypersensitive to whatever weird substance in grapefruit causes whatever medication you're taking to react strangely. I really wouldn't recommend trying that one out; it's Hell and you can't take it for more than 12 months because it's supposedly dangerous. I actually heard Alesse wasn't so bad (maybe 5 lbs); there must be a reason why it's something like the #1 birth control pill in America. I haven't tried it out though; I've stopped taking birth control a while ago because quite honestly I don't see the point, being that I don't have an angry period and I don't sleep with men.

which, I found out later, is apparently more used for skin troubles than as a contraception method

That seems dumb. Especially if it's so dangerous and such--the chance for thrombosis seems much higher than with other birth control, if I'm remembering the other numbers correctly.

I've stopped taking birth control a while ago because quite honestly I don't see the point, being that I don't have an angry period and I don't sleep with men.

Understandable. I doubt I'd keep taking it either. I'm going to stick with this, though I'm noticing some side effects (nausea being the main one, but headaches and occasional hot flashes also, which are disturbing and slightly disruptive, though all but the first either aren't very severe or are short-lasting) for a while, I think, though it seems that it's the wrong kind (being the tri-leveled stuff rather than the mono-leveled, the mono seeming to be what would even my hormones out more than jumping doses would). But I've marked down the ones you've mentioned because though I've never actually heard of either of them, I'll definitely avoid the former.

...I was on/am about to restart Diane-35. I didn't know it was specifically for skin troubles or contraception. I kinda don't need it for either. Stupid doctor. I am so getting it changed.

It is, apparently. Read the packaging inside. That's what I did. *geek*

It's okay, everyone! False alarm! I decided to actually read the name on the box (*facepalm*) and it's Juliet-35, not Diane. So I'm not going to die from thrombosis! Yay!

Ooh. Just from what I read about that one when I looked it up, it looks nasty. You should. . . um. . . not take it, if that's agreeable to you. Because I don't want you to die from thrombosis.

Well, I was able to start it again yesterday, so I did. I'm going to keep taking it until I can get a prescription for a different kind. But don't worry, I won't succumb to thrombosis. :)

That's good, at least. That drug scares me a bit. I doubt it'd get through the FDA in America. So, um, run a lot. And don't sit still or anything. Because I can't fly over there and save you from DVT turned pulmonary embolism fast enough.

It's okay, seeing as I'm not actually on that brand. But just in case I all of a sudden ~~pretend to~~ have an embolism, you have to be ready to fly over here and perform the appropriate life-saving procedures. Of course, by appropriate I mean completely inappropriate and requiring less clothing than life-saving. But still. Just warning you.

Warning duly noted and responsibility accepted! Because, umm, shirtless mouth to mouth is the commonly used treatment for embolism. Epinephrine raises heart rate, blood pressure rises, clot is broken up naturally. (Well, it could happen.) Perfectly sound medical procedure. And then, as clots tend to hurt if they're blocking off blood supply to muscles. . . endorphins!

I think shirtless mouth to mouth should be a treatment for pretty much everything that doesn't involved fungus or herpes. It obviously works wonders for embolism. And yay, endorphins! I know how to get them flowing, yes.

Oh, what I wouldn't give for a C cup....

I'm on birth control but I never remember to take the damn stuff and I think all the other illegal drugs I'm taking makes it pretty null anyhow...

But when I WAS on it and taking it right and stuff it definitely helped. With me anyway it made my periods very short and light and I didn't get hardly any cramps... though I don't think my boobs got bigger but I'm not sure because I don't think I ever wear the right size bra anyhow.

It helps though andthe weight gain (if any) isn't usually huge amounts from what I've heard. Like maybe 5 or 10 pounds which freaks me out but any weight gain freaks me out anyhow.

Sorry about your whole room situation. I've had the same (insanely tiny) room forever and I hate it and now it has even more useless crap in it that we couldn't fit anywhere else. All I do in there is sleep though and my bed is heaven when I actually do get to sleep so...errr, yeah.

I hope you feel better soon.

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YAY TMI

Yeah, it pretty much really is TMI, isn't it?

One can never have too much TMI. ...Actually, one can..

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