Okay, bb. Constructive criticism time, (don't think this means I didn't love your porn!)
JESUS CHRIST this was wordy. It actually became a little hard to comprehend because the sentences were so long, it was hard to follow everything, and I had to go back a few times to make sure I was reading something right. (This could also be the fault of your background, which I lovelovelove but which makes reading long things hard for some reason, contrast or something.)
I thought your Kirk speaking voice was good, but his thinking voice was way too much like Spock's (Spock's voice was awesome, btw. He is appropriately smart sounding and wordy and analytical). Speaking of voices - I got the feeling this was more third person narration, in which case your narrator is too wordy, analytical and Spock sounding. If you want to keep most of your phrases, change it to first person narration using Spock's voice.
The porn was good! And I loveloveloved the Vulcan (you are my hero).
OH PINTO YOU GEEKS
JESUS CHRIST this was wordy. It actually became a little hard to comprehend because the sentences were so long, it was hard to follow everything, and I had to go back a few times to make sure I was reading something right. (This could also be the fault of your background, which I lovelovelove but which makes reading long things hard for some reason, contrast or something.)
I thought your Kirk speaking voice was good, but his thinking voice was way too much like Spock's (Spock's voice was awesome, btw. He is appropriately smart sounding and wordy and analytical). Speaking of voices - I got the feeling this was more third person narration, in which case your narrator is too wordy, analytical and Spock sounding. If you want to keep most of your phrases, change it to first person narration using Spock's voice.
The porn was good! And I loveloveloved the Vulcan (you are my hero).
<3!