Another surgery wasn't as scary at the time, except that I won't be awake for this one. And my aunt flatlined under general anesthesia, and I have a lot of her medical problems, so I'm nice and scared.

Ooh. Same thing happened to my mom right before her last caesarean. I'm terrified of surgery now, so major yay to you for doing it anyway. If it's going to fix your attacks, that'll be great.

I finished my letter to older Lilly, just in case. I want her to know how much I loved her...

Okay, the fact that you wrote one almost made me cry. That is so unbelievably sweet. I'm sure that when you're old and grey and she's about to move out for college, and you decide to share it with her, she'll definitely appreciate how much love her mother has for her.

I assume you're back by now and it's all over with (because I'm so bad at replying to comments in a timely manner anymore), so I hope you start feeling really better soon!