ext_184934 ([identity profile] aliquis01.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] commotiocordis 2006-02-10 07:59 pm (UTC)

That was lovely, but you had a couple of gaps. Like where did Dorothy go? Was she there watching them kiss? And where was Glinda? And what did you mean when she came with Elphaba?

If you are gonna change the plot, you have to be careful to explain things.

Otherwise, it was very sweet. :) Try not to rush description. It is what makes a piece more flavorful, such as the scent of someone's hair or the glitter on a dress...the time of day it is. Things like that.

Take care,

NIna

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