commotiocordis: (Seven/B'Elanna)
In celebration of my finding my tablet stylus while doing laundry (which I shall never besmirch again--I was moping over the prospect of shelling out $40 for a new one, but turns out the black stylus had somehow fallen to the bottom of the giant box I separated dark clothing into), I went all potatochop!happy.

The base picture for this was sort of unfortunately both black & white and already grained, hence the quality of the finished picture, but I downloaded it from some free stock photo site for this very purpose . . . *looks up* three years ago because the idea just hit me immediately upon seeing it. A couple of hours and components from five or six photos later, and I've subtly femslashed that baby (literally!) up. I was thinking about putting some sort of frame around it so it looked like a picture the girls would have on the mantel, but I didn't have anything that seemed to fit on the tablet (and its internet isn't working, so I couldn't try to find one)--may happen at some point, but for now:

Titling this seems stupid, but for organizational purposes: Seven and Daughter )
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Criminal Minds)
Cleaning out my "almost done" fic folder. It's mostly ancient stuff I never got around to posting because I couldn't come up with a title or there was a single line or two I wasn't happy with yet, and 87 fics/fic ideas/fic fragments is way too freaking many to have on my computer. Mostly because I'd be heartbroken if my computer died and I lost them (as has happened several times), even if I'd never otherwise get around to posting anything. So I'm finding the ones closest to being done and making myself finish them up. Here's one such more-than-three year old fic.

Never Again
Author: [livejournal.com profile] crashcart9 (CrashCart9[at]Yahoo[dot]com)
Fandom: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Pairing: Beverly Crusher/Deanna Troi, implied Picard/Crusher and Riker/Troi
Date written: February 8, 2007 (mostly)
Set: During ST: Nemesis, post-wedding and pre-everything going down.
Rating: R
Summary: “You kissed her husband at the reception. You couldn’t bring yourself to kiss her."

Because as my searching again a few days ago proves, there's nowhere near enough Beverly/Deanna fic on the interwebs. )
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
None Returning

Harry Potter, Remus/Sirius. Spoilers through Half Blood Prince. 200 words. 1 May 2010.

Harry Potter double drabble in response to the prefacing exchange in Half Blood Prince. I could go into a long treatise on how of course Remus didn’t share his grief about Sirius with Harry openly for fear if he let it out, he’d never be able to resurface under its weight, but I think between the line at the end of Order of the Phoenix (“Lupin turned away from the archway as he spoke. It sounded as though every word was causing him pain.” OotP p808) and the drabble-inspiring bit from the end of HBP, good old JK told us herself.

Also, the title is from The Final Problem, by Arthur Conan Doyle (which also makes my heart ache): “Two lines of footmarks were clearly marked along the farther end of the path, both leading away from me. There were none returning.”

As usual, apologies for the author’s notes being longer than the fic. It’s always a struggle to keep myself short-enough winded as to be intelligible. Forcing myself to write things in drabble/doubledrabble format both keeps me from going on too long and ensures that something actually gets done (have I mentioned there are seriously 80 unfinished fics and fic fragments on my hard drive right now? *hangs head*).





“Ron — Dumbledore’s dead,” said Ginny.
“No!” Lupin looked wildly from Ginny to Harry, as though hoping the latter might contradict her, but when Harry did not, Lupin collapsed into a chair beside Bill’s bed, his hands over his face. Harry had never seen Lupin lose control before; he felt as though he was intruding upon something private, indecent.
--HBP 514



There was no doubt in his heart which had hurt more—Sirius, by an order of indescribable magnitude—but the force with which the news hit him was surprisingly painful. It wasn’t the cold nothingness that had set upon him in the bowels of the ministry, leaving the shell of his body to watch over the Death Eaters and to make his way unconsciously back to Grimmauld Place before collapsing on the bed that they had shared; wanting nothing more than to forget this place, this war, this man, this . . . -–Sirius-- entirely and retreat to the solitude of his hidden flat. But Remus knew the Order needed him—in the greater scheme of everything but his heart, this, relatively speaking, changed very little—so he fought. He choked back the tears that wouldn’t even attempt to fall for weeks filled with shock and more attacks. He stood up.

No, at Ginny’s words, it was not grief that wracked the werewolf’s already-broken body. Remus sank down into the chair because for the first time in the course of two wars, this single man’s death had imparted in him the overwhelming, real fear that they were going to lose.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Also, and I know this will probably be seen by nobody that it applies to, but:

DEAR FANDOM.

Hai. My name's Alexandria, and on very rare occasions, I like to record podfic. I can't promise anything good, though I do try to not read in a monotone or anything horrible like that. I'm no [livejournal.com profile] pandarus, and I'm not great at keeping my voices for different characters consistent so I usually don't much bother and just focus on tone of words and such and sort of let the narration hopefully let you know who's who, and I don't have a horridly sexy accent or particularly alluring for whatever reason voice, but I like doing it for fics that entertain me--I'd been reading fics purely for my own benefit to listen to on the schoolbus since middle school, way before I knew of this podfic thing catching on around fandom. Now, since I'm semi-regularly driving 3 hours each way from university to home and back, I listen to other people's all the time, and thus managed to discover [livejournal.com profile] amplificathon, which is gearing up for another round.

Problem is, I don't want to just go around and be all "OMG THIS FIC IS AMAZING. Can I maybe podfic it?" to people I don't know because I'm even shy on the internet. I know, whut.

And since [livejournal.com profile] amplificathon starts soon (the last post-mentioned workload prohibits me from starting until at least Easter weekend, but since all my shit is next week, the week or two after shouldn't be as bad, and the -thon goes through a few weeks after the end of the semester, so I should have lots of time then as well), and I didn't find out about it until right after the 2009 one so this is my first, I'm looking to get some ideas as to what I can podfic. I don't want to have to spend too much time hunting things down and waiting to hear back from the author if it's okay, etc. during the spare moments I could actually be working on reading things (though that'll all obviously have to happen sometimes, this next weekend is the first time I could possibly start reading stuff but I'm OMG JAM PACKED from now until then and won't shouldn't be allowed to find time to scrounge stuff up).

So erm, does anybody have or know of people who have maybe fics they wouldn't mind being read? Preferably in my fandoms, obvs. Maybe a list somewhere of authors that have expressed interest in having stuff read, just to start from? A friend who's casually mentioned in passing conversation how they'd like it if a female from the midwestern United States read their fic aloud for the benefit of the greater internet? Suggestions would be much appreciated. No guarantees I'll get *anything* read, much less if there are suggestions, any of those, but having a place to start makes stuff much less daunting.

Sincerely,
Aforementioned Midwestern-United States' Female Who Needs to Either Get the Fuck Back to Her Homework or Finally Go to Sleep Because It's 9am Goddamn.
commotiocordis: (RDJude)
A Study in Improvisation
Author: [livejournal.com profile] crashcart9
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes 2009 RPF, Sherlock Holmes 2009
Pairing: RDJude (Robert Downey Jr./Jude Law), Holmes/Watson
Rating: Mature. Phone sex (because I had to get in on the RDJude phonesex trend). Not horribly explicit—something between R and NC-17.
Date: 23 January 2010
Words: 3600. And three.
Summary: “They’d improvised through this scene, these emotions once before, but it hadn’t gotten quite this maudlin. Almost, he amended, but not quite, and he wanted to see how far Robert would take it.”
A/N: This practice of running lines and just going to town within/after a scene closes is one that I’ve actually done before in theatre classes, both legitimately and. . . more to the tune of the direction in which RDJude took it (put it this way: I cannot read Romeo and Juliet without wanting to ship Juliet/Nurse now). With Robert’s recorded interest in improvisation over and above scripts, this was hardly a leap, I think ;)

And I don't even care if RDJ Googles himself and finds this. )

And for your viewing pleasure, link back to my RDJude picspam of a few days ago.
commotiocordis: (QPicard)
LOOK IT'S ANOTHER FIC.

I've entitled this baby "Relief", not because it particularly has anything to do with the fic (as this is 99% PWP), but because I wrote it for the [livejournal.com profile] ontd_startrek Party Post on 15-16 January 2009 while we were raising money for the UNICEF and the relief efforts in Haiti (and the vague mentions of other-than-sexing it does have refer to the Enterprise being sent on a disaster relief mission that I envisioned similar to the work that's going on down there right now). If you happen to see this while it's still going on, check out http://tinyurl.com/trek4haiti and consider chipping in a few dollars.

I decided to repost the whole thing instead of just the final part or two chopped up because the first two parts weren't able to be commented on since we MAXED OUT THE PARTY POST IN 4 HOURS GODDAMN. To recap, this is:
Relief
Fandom: Star Trek (reboot)
Pairing: Kirk/Spock
Rating: NC-17 pornpornporn
Notes: Wrote this amidst comment spamming on the party post and with (still) very little sleep, so. . . this fic got 99 problems but a plot ain't one. (Yea-uh, Geordi!) Also, the dirty talk in Vulcan? Mouse over for the translation. If you actually click on the Vulcan, bonus pictures of Pinto.

Because Star Trek fandom floors me with its awesome generosity. )



Vulcan source: Mostly the STO Geekipedia’s language lessons (sigh. All of them) with added lessons on noun/verb extrapolation from https://webspace.utexas.edu/bighamds/LIN312/Files/Vulcan-intro.pdf . No lie, goddamn did I spend a long time learning way more about Vulcan grammar than I needed to for two sentences, especially because I decided I had to be all picky and accurate and not use the verb "blow" even though it was right there in front of me because I knew it didn't translate to the sexy kind that I wanted. Yeah, that's right, to the best of my several hours of work on this, that shit is accurate Vulcan dirty talk. What the fuck now, huh?
commotiocordis: (Telegram)
Oh my God, look what I did. Of the four Sherlock Holmes fics I've got started, I managed to start and finish a fifth this morning after [livejournal.com profile] bleakone linked me to the insane relevance to my interests that is the [livejournal.com profile] sherlockkink meme.

This is way, way, way too long to fit in a comment, I think, so I'm going to post it here and hope I'm not breaking all the kinkmeme rules by linking here instead. Even though the prompt was posted just a little while ago and I totally was going to just prompt myself and post this, it's exactly what I was thinking (though my prompt would have specified Holmes/Mary hatesex).

Title: A Fool's Game
Fandom: Sherlock Holmes (<3<3<3) Movieverse primarily (Holmes meeting Mary at dinner in the film), with hints of bookverse filler.
Pairing: Holmes/Mary hatesex, Holmes/Watson unrequited
Rating: R
Summary: for [livejournal.com profile] sherlockkink's "unrequited Holmes/Watson with Watson leaving for Mary no matter what Holmes says"
Angst ahoy. )


ETA: Several days after writing this, I found "Partings" by Daylyn. If I didn't know better, I'd think that I wrote "A Fool's Game" as a prequel to that one. Linking because I highly recommend it.
commotiocordis: (Jack/Ianto)
Because [livejournal.com profile] bleakone got a good grade on her calculus test, I present a ficlet.

Yea-uh, I just wrote Wincest fic. What now!? (Okay, drabble, so it barely counts, but still.)

(Also, don't you love drabbles where the header is almost longer than the fic itself?)


Angina
Author: [livejournal.com profile] crashcart9
Fandom: SPN
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: PG
A/N: Post "The Curious Case of Dean Winchester", 5.07.


Sam wondered why Dean was carefully wiping the burger-joint grease off of the fingers of one hand until he felt that same hand slip across the wood of the bench between them to his inner thigh.

“Seriously, Dean? A, you aren’t done eating yet. There are onions in that. And B, you were just old, like yesterday.”

“Old, Sammy. Not dead. I was still me,” his brother replied.

“Yeah, but you wouldn’t have been able to get it up. Cholesterol doesn’t just clog the coronary arteries.”

For the second time in as many days, Dean pushed away his half-eaten cheeseburger.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Being a rampant Psych fangirl right now. I've got like three fics open. And not that that's unusual for me at all, but the unusual part is that it's three I've just started writing. Of which there's only one that has the chance of ever seeing the light of day because the first probably will end up getting incorporated into the second, which is going to be hugely hugely long as it actually sort of Has Plot and thus will never get finished.

Especially because I can't decide on the crime for the plotted one. It's on a cruise ship, so it's got to be high enough priority that the detectives would be going undercover (yes, it's that sort of a fic), but low enough that the Feds would have just taken a cursory look around and dropped it. I've more or less solved the latter part by having the FBI look, not see anything, and let it go, but Commander Dunlap (Vick's sister--the Coast Guard doesn't investigate cruise crime, but acts as sort of a clearinghouse for reporting it) mentions it to Vick, asking her to keep an eye out because there's been a rash of whatevers (thefts aren't fun\dangerous enough, but murders seem like they'd be higher on the Feds' radar. I'm thinking disappearances) on the ships porting near Santa Barbara, and then Shawn "divines" that there's even more of a connection when he realizes that they're all gay cruises (yes, it's that sort of a fic).

So I've pretty much gotten it up to where I get them onto the ship, though who's going I'm not sure. Originally it was just Karen and Jules, but I'm having so much fun writing Lassiter in the parts leading up to boarding that I'm not sure I don't want him and Shawn to stowaway too (Psych is one of those shows where I can do Shawn/Gus or Shawn/Lassiter with no problem). The department is only covering the girls, natch, but I could make funny jokes about Lassiter needing to visit his mustache guy and then leave the image of him with one of those 70s gay handlebars in your heads. I think for the excuse to go undercover, Lassie might pay his own way. And Shawn might find some way to get put on as an entertainer, being all fakepsychic for them. Under a fake name, natch, because if somebody Googled Shawn Spencer, they'd see all kinds of SBPD stuff.

But the problem is that this was first and foremost a Jules/Karen fic, and the chances of any of it every getting done decrease exponentially if I have to keep bouncing between the boys and the girls. That's one of my biggest issues while I'm writing plotty fic; I feel the need to account for every single foot-shuffle, yawn, and eye twitch of the characters when we're following them. I've mostly broken my tendency to follow them 24/7 (I can now employ such timesavers as "after an uneventful drive, they arrived" rather than narrating the entire thing), but I'm, well, really fucking wordy.

Anyway. I'd be >500 words further on the fic(s) if I'd not just done this, LOLOL. Got to go to that pretend trial thing in an hour and a half (probably a bit earlier, as I'm not sure where I'm going), so looking forward to that. Not sure if I'm supposed to dress up (doubtful that it's overmuchly required or they'd mention it, but idk what everybody else is wearing), so probably going to find something that's Not Shorts at least.

Also. Getting sick, I fear. Migraine 3 days straight, and the migraineyness was tapering off today but my head started hurting differently. Wrote it off as just end-of-migraine-weirdness. And then came the throat tickle. Damn.
commotiocordis: (Jack/Ianto)
Dear Torchwood.

Spoilers in the nature of my reaction to part 4 of Children of Earth. Lots of generalized inarticulate reaction (note how nice and careful I'm being to not indicate in what direction that reaction may go), but also includes a quite nice directorial rewrite of the last scene, if I may say so myself. )

Sincerely,
Alexandria


Now I am for serious going to bed. As my alarm goes off in two hours. Fuck me. Maybe I'll make it three hours and just shower really fast, though that's all but impossible since I reallyquick henna'd just the top of my head since it'd been forever--actually more than 6 months, I think--since last time and though it blended and tapered really well from the lighter several inches of roots to the dark red length and looked pretty darn natural, I figured why not because I had tons of energy after getting back from the gym at, you know, 12:40. Dyed hair, watched a West Wing with Kaci, and then watched Torchwood. And then came these last fourteen hundred words of reaction and my not being in the mood to sleep even though I'm so tired my fingers are failing at wordtyping.

Blech. Plus, this orchestra thing means get there at 10 (leave at 9), be there until 5. Seriously? Seriously? I'm going to have to steal a laptop (as mine still has the screen issues) from one of the familia, because there's no way on earth that I can be there that long and still be sane at the end of it, much less awake if I've got nothing to do.
commotiocordis: (Jack/Ianto)
"I'm a PC and I'm seven years old." Seriously? That commercial just sort of makes me laugh. I mean, the point is that the photo merging stuff is so easy a caveman 7 year old could do it. And I spent the last two days working on [livejournal.com profile] bleakone's computer using residual DOS skills from when I was that age. That shit is hard--you've got to memorize the commands or be constantly looking everything up, phrase everything in the right syntax, there's no pretty visual interface, etc. Kids these days have it easy.

I still haven't seen that PC commercial with who I swear is Ianto again. Anybody know when Torchwood is coming back? I can't seem to find any info on that.

Watching this week's BSG without having watched the last yet, which doesn't make me happy but it's either watch this one now and watch last week's later online or watch them both in order online, the latter using up huge amounts of my weekly bandwidth. Random thought--if the Tighs are more or less Adam and Eve of the Cylons, does that make Saul Tigh/Caprica Six the new crazy space incest? But aww, I <3 Bill and Saul. You don't quite slash them as in. . . sex (LOLOL, Kaylee) because they're kinda oldandgross, but they're definitely sort of an intimate bromance OTP. Vaguely like Xena and Gabrielle minus the subtext.

Psych was ehh. Enjoyable, but I'm not running to my computer to download it to watch again. And the new Dollhouse right before (another one of which I watched one episode before the one preceding it) was also ehh. Killer fun for Eliza Dushku to play, but that seems to be entirely what it is--an excuse for her to play a different fun character every week. But Mark Sheppard, seriously, that man is in every show that I watch. Dollhouse, Burn Notice (which I don't really watch on purpose unless there's going to be someone I like on it, but caught his episode of), Battlestar Galactica, NCIS, In Plain Sight, Shark, Bionic Woman, Medium, and of course Firefly, with either reoccurring or big parts on each one.

Because this is looking to be an entirely TV-based post instead of me talking about my ADVENTURE OF DOOM AND DEATH on Tuesday and other such RL activities (I've been postponing writing that up because it's going to be a long one), I might have to start watching How I Met Your Mother after showing my mom Dr. Horrible over the long weekend and rewatching part of Neil Patrick Harris's SNL that I recorded on my laptop (while trying to find out WTF this gigantic, oddly named file on my computer was) because I think I love him crazy much.

Oh, Monday's House? THE CAMERON/CUDDY, I THANKS YOU FOR IT. Seriously. Got to download that one and icon it, because those shots at the end totally could be taken out of context (as per how we slashers work) to look like them holding their baby. Reminds me of a set of fics I started writing pre-first hard drive crashdown--it was some "5 Ways Cuddy Doesn't Have a Baby (And One She Does)" thing, remember when that was going around? Most of them were more Cuddy character study, one without Cameron at all, one with her only playing a supporting (supportive, actually) role, but the "one she does" was clear femslash. I wish I still had those, as I seem to remember kinda liking them--the "does" one was kinda unbelievably fluffy, but then I think it kept getting longer and started developing more plot and then naturally, it never got finished (as that's what happens to fics I don't write all in one sitting).

I also forgot. Criminal Minds. The gay is abounding. Surely it can't be just me after the scene at the beginning of 4.14 (I think two weeks ago?) where Emily's horoscope says the moon was going to screw things up romantically and put her in a shitty mood and then we see JJ's baby ring and cut immediately back to Emily's pissed off face after it's revealed that the father of the baby has a matching one.
commotiocordis: (Seven/B'Elanna)
I just realized that I started writing Cuddy/Jessica Devlin (from Shark) fic at some point. I wonder where that went? Was thinking about it because evidently in my websurfing-while-listening-to-the-showage, I missed Hudson Leick in one of the episodes (2.13--Bar Fight). Which I want to now go and rewatch, but evidently CBS only keeps the last episode or two up on their watch online thing and I don't care enough to (re?)download it for the little part she must have (if it was bigger, methinks I would have noticed). So I started thinking about how I'm going to miss that show (because I am--came for Jeri Ryan, stayed for James Woods; I totally loved the whole show), and wondering if there was any fic for it (though there's not really anybody to pair up, unfortunately--it didn't run long enough to get any of that really going save some established stuff between one of the mini!lawyers and their detective helper and the loverly wittytastic banter between Jessica and Stark), and then went "Wait. I've got fic for it!" Except not, as I only ever got a titchy bit of something done, and I'm pretty sure it had to do with/was inspired by a particular episode, and figuring out which episode that was to rewatch it and hopefully pick up on my train of thought is going to be difficult. Still, hurrah for remembering things.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Criminal Minds)
LOL, finally got around to finishing that Deep Space Nine vid I started ages and ages (like, possibly towards 10 months or a year) ago.



More commentary on this one. There are some bits that I really wanted to redo, as this was the first time I'd really played with WMM, and you can notice at what point in the vid making did I learn certain tricks if you look closely. But because I had certain bits I needed to be at exact certain times (and I couldn't figure out a way to lock one or two clips at certain times and be able to move around the rest without bumping everything), I ended up not fixing the bits I wanted to. Ehh. There are things I'd like to change, things I might change later, and bits that didn't come out the way I wanted them to, but I actually finished it, and I figured I'd better upload it and get it off my computer before something happens and I lose it.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Internal Affairs
Author: [livejournal.com profile] crashcart9
Fandom: Psych
Pairing: Karen Vick/Juliet O’Hara
Rating: G
Prompt: [livejournal.com profile] femslash100's 117: "Ghost"
Date: 8/19/07
Words: 200
Notes: This is a bit of a weird one stylistically for me. I didn’t intend it to be in this point of view when I started, but it sort of turned into a Karen internal monologue. It’s set at the end of the second to last scene of the episode “Scary Sherry” (1x15), where in the deleted scene on the DVD, Juliet calls Karen “Chief” instead of “Interim Chief”, the interim bit being a point that everyone had been very emphatic upon using up until now. And now there is no longer no--read it, zero--Karen/Jules on the internets, which is win, because that was just too sad.
x-posted to [livejournal.com profile] femslash100 and [livejournal.com profile] psych_slash
Summary: "Please say that O’Hara didn’t just leave off the 'Interim'."


Internal Affairs )
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
I was watching Becker this afternoon (because that's become my summer show, as all the good stuff isn't on/I've already seen), and I confirmed my previous suspicions that I'm totally celebritygirlcrushing on Terry Farrell. Hee. I got all angry at the boyfriend of the week when he kissed Reggie, because I knew that he was going to dump her in the end and Reggie would be all sad and I would want to hug her. And that made me laugh while I was being jealous angry about the kissing.

I got the desire, a few days ago, to work on this fic that I started 4 years ago or so and never finished. Looking back over it, it's entertaining how much my writing style has changed. I don't want to change huge plot points, because my original intention was just to fix it up a bit (because there's a blaring misspelling of necessary in the version of the first chapter that's on The Pit that I've never bothered to fix) and maybe write a bit more of it, and I sort of want to keep it how it was (at least the beginning parts) just because it is one of the earliest bits of my writing that I've still got (elementary school Xena fanfiction that's probably hidden away in the basement somewhere for future embarrassment purposes aside) and I'd like to be able to look back, as I'm doing, and see how much my writing has changed. But there are bits where I'm all "Well, if I say this instead, that's a bit more plausible," etc.

I'm probably going to change it (though not nit-picky, I don't like the style of that phrase changing; that stuff I'm going to leave, just the plot bits I'm going to change) and just keep a copy of the old one. Makes me laugh, though, because I was about to fall asleep a few nights ago, and I was sort of planning out the next chapter in my head before I even realized what I was mentally writing. I hadn't even thought of that one in ages.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Just realized that I accidentally deleted my final copy of Illusion. Shit. At least I'd already posted it.

That's what I get for assuming the files are up to date in my two "Mine" fic folders. That's what I get for having two "Mine" fic folders, LOL, and then trying to get rid of one.

Must copy down from here. Should be the same.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Illusion
Author: [livejournal.com profile] crashcart9
Fandom: House, MD
Rating: R
Date: Begun 30 April, finished 28 May 2007.
Notes: Because [livejournal.com profile] xx_housecat_xx told me to post it and made me all agiggle with her “Whoa”s. Idea jotted down on my hand during work about a month and a half ago, forgotten about, remembered, written a few weeks later when it served as a handy procrastination excuse, forgotten about, remembered, realized I actually had finished it, polished, posted.
Summary: Illusion shattered.

Fictasticness! )
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. Local weather people have been talking this supposedly huge winter storm up for several days now. We've got teachers counting on days off and canceling speakers that were supposed to come in to talk, the library (where I just was for a talk on Civil War medicine that was interesting, but the guy had some of his medical terminology wrong, which bugged me) telling people to call in the afternoon before the second Civil War lecture thing tomorrow evening to see if they've canceled it, etc. I totally doubt that we're going to get anything.

The pressure did drop like nobody's business; you can tell that by the fact that I'm literally limping worse than 3rd season House. When the weather gets bad, my legs decide that walking is for losers.
Temperature tomorrow morning is supposed to be 20F below what it was this morning at the same time. High was 69F today, it's going to be 40F tomorrow. That's like a 30 point drop. Whoa.

Forecasty type thing:
Tomorrow: Cloudy with rain and freezing rain expected. Thunder possible. Morning high of 40F with temps falling to near 30F.
Tomorrow night: Periods of snow, sleet or freezing rain in the evening, becoming all snow late. Windy. Low 23F. Snow accumulating 5 to 8 inches.
Friday: Winds with snow showers early. Bright sunshine later. Cold. High near 30F.

I'm a fan of this cold stuff, so that's nice. It's been unseasonably warm of late, so much so that you're uncomfortable if you're outside long or go outside after excercising or something because you've gotten used to the cold so far this half-assed winter (half-assed because it's been unseasonably warm a lot).

And I've heard something about this weather system going the wrong way or something that makes it really weird and more dangerous.

But the national weather service isn't saying it's going to be nearly as bad as the local weather people and random people around town are. And I'm more likely to side with them because they're all governmenty and have good satellites. And because of the fact that I've got 3 tests on Friday, so of course there's no chance that it's going to be bad enough to have a snow day. And because the cool weather systems alway skip over us.


Mock trial meeting. Got the case. It sucks. It's written so badly. The dialoguey bits are very un-dialoguey and stilted. There are huge numbers of just dumb mistakes written in as being done by the investigator; mistakes that would get this case completely thrown out of court in a heartbeat if it were a real case. Some amount of flaw so there's something to hit him with on cross is fine, but they wrote him as a complete moron with no crime scene investigation skills at all. There are mistakes in the actual writing/formatting of the case: there's a note on the front page that says "incorporate somewhere:" and then some stuff that obviously was supposed to be worked in to the intro to the case but the note to self was just left on the front, there are two different notary signatures on the bottoms of two different witness statements that are obviously supposed to be the same person (same ID number and notary license expiration date) but have two different (though similar) names, one witness is called by two different names (though we're unsure as to whether that's a typo or just more proof that the aforementioned investigator is incompetent, as it was in his statement), etc. And whoever wrote this decided grammar is for losers.

So. The case was . . . 17 or so days late and they still couldn't get somebody to look it over before they posted it? And 17 days, come on. The trial dates don't get pushed back because they were two and a half weeks late coming out with the case.

Got the new Artemis Fowl book. Not looking anywhere near as good as the previous ones.
I'm on page 117 and they haven't explained how Artemis knows about the People again. It's only been one year and not the several that he told Mulch to wait before giving him back the disk, so he obviously rediscovered them some other way. I'm a little confuzzled. Artemis mentions being a different person now (and is acting like it again). Yeah, he was a different person before he got his mind wiped, but Colfer showed us specifically at the end of the last book that he was back to his old criminal self.
And Holly left the LEP. Erm, I can't exactly see her doing that. There was a dumb reason given about her and the new head of LEP not meshing, but she went into private detecting (with Mulch, something else that I wouldn't so much have seen her doing) and talks about how unsatisfying it is--Holly is definitely smart enough to have been able to anticipate the difficulties in doing undercover detecting work when she's famous and anticipate her not liking it. It seems to just have been a way to get her into the secret quasi-government group (led by Commander Vinyáyá, and due to her always having Holly's back and being all friendly like and being the somebody whom Holly actually complements on things like hair that Holly'd consider trivial, I've decided they are so doing each other) to further the plot.
If he explains everything well as we go along, maybe it'll get better, but more than 100 pages in with no explanation and random stuff going on isn't endearing me to this latest installment.
But yay for there being another thingie in Gnomish along the bottom of the pages. Way back when I was translating the first one I ended up memorizing it without really trying, and though I'd effectively forgotten most of it, just looking at the first couple pages it's coming back pretty quickly. *is a dork*


Haven't yet watched the last 20 minutes of the House episode, but from what Katie tells me, I got bloody Jossed again. Not in a huge way, but two non-implants and a miscarriage was exactly what I had in mind for Cuddy when she was at this point in one of my stories. That I don't have anymore due to bloody lack of bloody hard drive, anyway, so it doesn't matter so much. Oh! *remembers* I actually do have a handwritten copy of this one. Though it's only the very very very first draft and I was happy with the last one and made so many changes between the two. Still. Must find. Because now my little scene snippet thing isn't just as much supposition, it's actually got more canon basis than I intended.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. Remember that big bit of the history project that is due Friday? Yeah. Not getting done. There's a story behind this.

I had quite a bit to do still, but only a few hours worth. Non-book research that I already had found? On my hard drive. I modified my topic like yesterday, put the finishing touches on said modification today, but quite a bit of what I had still applied to the new topic. Asked my brother at about 7pm to bring my hard drive to me on the couch from this (the main) computer. He grabs it by the cord. Cord unplugs from the drive, drive clunks on floor. Me=pissed. But not hugely. Yet.

I go to the gym. Come back. Plug in hard drive. Not working. The light wouldn't even come on to signal that it had power. Messed around with it. Went out and bought a new power thing as that appeared to be the problem and as the power goes through the USB normally, but there's a spot for an adapter cord (one of which did not come with the drive, unfortunately) for extra power or if your USB port on your computer won't give any/enough power, I hoped that would work. Nope. Determined at some point that power wasn't the problem. Plugged it into the other (this) computer, and the light came on. Problem solved. Nope.

Power's working, drive not. Spent a long time trying to figure out the problem. I eventually decided just to screw it and go to bed (as I'm getting sick and have been up late every night this week and was really upset that it looked like I was loosing everything on the drive) without doing the project. Mom comes back, tells me that my dad got it working. I come out. Not really. He thought he had because the computer did some kind of "you've plugged something in" thing, but it wouldn't do it again. We took the thing apart, messed with all of it. Tried to connect it to a box thing that we have that will turn a regular hard drive into an external one. No luck- the ribbon plug is just barely too big for some reason. (But the last conclusion I came to was that that wouldn't help anyway.) What kind of morons make stuff in a non-standard size? At some point (I think it was fine before) I heard the thing making funny noises like it wasn't spinning right. Somehow (involved somewhat gentle shaking and smacking) got it to make the good, spinning right sound. Still wouldn't work. Now pretty much no idea why. It's still out of the case and more or less disassembled at this point, and when you plug it in and unplug it, it was making the "duh-deh" "deh-duh"sound things. And occasionally, a box would come up over the far right of the taskbar saying "A problem occurred during hardware installation. Your new device may not function properly."

So. It's almost 1 at this point, and my dad decides to go to bed. I play with it a little bit more by disabling and (attempting) re-enabling of the device thing. Which we did once before. But before, it didn't tell us to reboot. I reboot this time. Computer doesn't reboot right- goes to the black screen on startup where it tells you about your machine specs, only loads the first few lines of text that are supposed to be on there, and stops. Bad sign. I reboot again, this time it loads properly, but the hard drive is back to making bad (even worse than before, where it was a funny badwhir + click thing, now it's just worsewhir) noises meaning that it's stopped spinning completely.


Hell. So. Yeah. I probably could have done my entire summary of evidence thing if I hadn't played with the hard drive until past 1:30. Because I didn't have horridly much on there in terms of done research, just a bunch of sources, some of which I emailed to myself from the medical library during the tour with minimed and can't get any other way than through them. And most, excepting the aforementioned articles that you've got to pay for/can't get at all except through the med library, I could find again. Had I actually gotten my arse in gear and forgotten about it.


But I'm still really really upset. This had so much stuff on it.

School work that I still need/isn't done/I use for reference. Which should probably be my biggest concern. But isn't.

It had hundreds of fics. Of which quite a few of the older ones (mostly my Enterprise collection) aren't online anywhere anymore.

And around 30 of my fics, which is what I'm most sad about, that and the other writings and work. Because of the fics, 10 or so are incomplete and only exist or are in the most complete form on there, several more have never been posted anywhere, and the remaining ones have been posted in various places, but most only to one site/list/board, which will make it difficult to try to track them all down to keep a copy. I don't have any kind of definitive list of all my stories, so it's going to be nearly impossible to make sure I've recovered all of the ones that it is even possible for me to find again (I completely forget about stories I've written only to rediscover them all the time. It's going to be a lot harder to rediscover now). And there are innumerous ideas and little bits of story jotted down in random Word Perfect/Word files for stuff I've not yet gotten around to writing, most of which I typed up so long ago that there's no chance of me remembering them.

Not to mention the videos and the episodes and the pictures and the manip work and the icons. OMG, the icons. I just realized that. Even ignoring that I don't have any of the huge numbers of them that I saved for my perusing pleasure that belonged to other people, I don't have any of my own anymore but the 6 that are currently on here. Some of my favorite ones just got switched out recently for this batch, and as such are not in existence.

Fic type stuff and other fandomy things are pretty much what I do for fun. So basically, all this stuff that is the only thing I have time to do for recreation anymore (that and read, especially medical type stuff, lots of which was also on here) is gone. I get a huge part of my enjoyment in life from this stuff, and it seems like that's been destroyed. Everything I've worked on, everything I've read and really enjoyed, everything I've done. It feels like part of my life is gone with it.

And I'm being depressivey and overreacting and stupid and weepy because I start crying again every couple of minutes when I start thinking about it again and I know it and I can't help it.

Which is why I haven't done my history thing, even yet. I could have done it, not easily, but done it. But I've just reacted so strongly to the breakage of the hard drive that I can't. And I know it's not just this, but it's everything lately put together and this just finally made me break down, and I can't force myself to do anything.

And yet I'm not in bed, where I should be taking into account my lack of sleep of late and the hour. (Thanks in part to a 52oz diet Dr. Pepper that I downed throughout the whole thing that I got after I got back from the gym when I thought that I was going to be up pretty late doing work that's keeping me up both from the caffeine and going to the bathroom every few minutes.) Nor am I studying for my Biology and English exams. I feel so completely worn out, but I don't feel like I would be able to get to sleep or really do anything save think about this and stare off into space.

Yay, breakdownage. I love stress.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
I give up trying to get this to 100 words. Every time I try, it takes something away. And there's not that much something there in the first place, so I'm going to leave it as it is.

***

Cuddy has learned to hold back her compassion – the only way to succeed as a doctor, as a boss is to suspend empathy beyond a certain point. She wouldn’t have gotten where she is taking every patient, every decision and weighing it like humanity is at stake. She tries to keep the moral high ground, but sometimes she needs to stay away, to not step in, to let something slip by her, to turn the other way. She tells herself that she is choosing her battles. But there’s a part of her that looks at Allison Cameron, at the idealistic woman she herself once was and wonders if the world would be better were there one more person still like that.

December 2014

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