commotiocordis: (Shoebox)
Facebook wants me to friend my best friend from high school.

You would not think this would be a hard decision.

It's just been so long and so much shit has happened (not between us, but individually) and the fact that we're not close anymore hurts so much, and it just feels like being friends on Facebook is such a worthless thing (especially because I know she won't really use it) that I don't want to even bother. I mean, if it's causing me this much grief just from a recommendation on the sidebar, what's it going to be like if I have to see what her life is like now, without me? I was supposed to be like her, happy and doing brilliantly at a top-tier school and with a bright future ahead, and . . . I'm not any of those things.

Our relationship was sort of bad for me at times, because rather than want to compete against her, I'd pull back in classes we shared so I didn't have to deal with the pressure. And I pretty much only had her, while she had some other friends, so I was much more dependent and sort of jealous a lot (but this is usually the case). But at the same time, she made me want to do better. Her opinion of me mattered like no other peer has ever mattered to me before, and I wanted her to be proud of me.

My memories of high school consist of mock trial, orchestra, my ~issues, and Katie. All of them fit into one of those categories. The problem is that senior year, most of them fit into category three, so when I went off to college, I was really distant from everybody. And then I started gaining weight and that was just sort of a symbol of how everything else was falling apart, and I didn't want anyone to see me. I didn't want to talk to her (or anyone else) because I was afraid they'd want to hang out, and I'd have to make up an excuse because I wanted their memories of me to be how I was near graduation: together, decent grades, a job, and skinny. Which means I hardly want anyone to see me now, when I've pretty much hit rock bottom on all of those things.

Also, there may or may not have been sort of an unrequited love thing going on. I didn't really realize it until years after we'd last seen each other, but I think I spent way too much time angsting over this girl for us to just have been friends, at least on my side of it. I mean, I wasn't sexually attracted to her, but it's definitely the most intense relationship I've ever had. I remember at one point discussing how I'd been planning on us moving in together during college and after, and talking about what we should name our dogs, and she was like "well, I always sort of assumed I'd get married after college" and I didn't speak to her the rest of the day because I was heartbroken. I mean, hello, giant flashing YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HER sign right there. But, I mean, it wasn't love as most people would define it, I guess? It was just friendship that was . . . stronger. The if-you-are-blind-and-don't-see-the-subtext Xena/Gabrielle sort of relationship, you know? We actually compared ourselves to House and Wilson more than a few times -- I like diagnostics and puzzles and have the more blatant issues, she's better with people and everyone likes her and she was interested at one point in oncology. To be super melodramatic, I felt like she was the other half of my One Great True Pairing, the really forever BFFs, and now I've lost that, and . . . I mean, I feel like there's only one person in the world for you like that, and when that ends, what kind of hope do you have from there?

Idk. I'm not over her yet, apparently.

Despite not having eaten yet today, I'm going to go to bed now, I think. This is too much and now I'm super angsty and I want her to be my friend again but I just don't see how it could ever work out the way I want it to (I'm kind of an all or nothing kind of gal when it comes to my heart). I know that I would still die for her in an instant, and I don't want to have to think about the fact that she probably wouldn't do the same. THIS IS WHY WE DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS SOCIAL ATTACHMENT THING, SELF. YOU JUST SIT YOUR LITTLE SCHIZOID PERSONALITY OVER IN THE CORNER AND KNIT, IT'S BETTER THAT WAY.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Pattinson: New role's 'naked stuff' uncomfortable
"The "Twilight" actor portrays Spanish artist Salvador Dali as a young man. He tells GQ magazine's April issue that he was uncomfortable as crew members watched and giggled during his graphic interlude with a male co-star."

The article is careful to make it sound like it was the naked in general that made him antsy, but I really hope it wasn't the fact that it was a gay sex scene that squicked him. That would be disappointing. Makes me think of during mock trial this year, when we were in the hotel and the one straight guy had to share a bed with the only other guy on the team, who was gay. And he was totally cool with it--I mean, he wasn't excited, but you could chalk that up to not being excited about having to share a bed at all. I was really impressed, you know? I mean, it shouldn't be a thing, because do you really think that somebody's going to put the moves on you in your sleep when there are other people in the room, but for so many people it is, so his maturity was really cool.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Criminal Minds)
In mock trial now. OMG, I hate this girl. She comes in and is all I IZ DOMINANT AND A KICK ASS MOCK TRIALER and she's not. She had the nerve last week to say something about us electing a captain, and I was all O HELLS NO, I have been trying to get this team off the ground since fucking September, and even after you joined you missed some 4 meetings because your schedule is "too hectic", so you don't even get to think about that.

It's pretty funny, when we do objections when going through this. If she called it, she keeps fighting it right until she knows she's going to lose, and then goes "Oh, let's just move on," once she realizes I've got her. And tried to do the entire plaintiff case first, not just the case in chief--she was trying to cross one of the defense witnesses before they'd been directed. That or she thought that the witness selection order carried over to witness calling order, even though I'd clarified that already last week and she evidently wasn't listening. She keeps telling the other lawyer to make these bullshit objections every three seconds if the witnesses answer is more than two words on direct or it's what she thinks is a leading question, which fails because she doesn't know what a leading question is, she keeps using the wrong justification for objections and just jumbling about and reiterating the "pursuant to Midlands Rule of Evidence (some random number that's wrong)" bit and not citing an actual rule, and she's overall just. . . not my guys from high school. Basically, her theory of working things is starkly different from mine; I'll just go ahead and say here that we have either beaten her team in HS or beaten someone who beat them, so I'm fairly certain that I've got at least a bit of an idea what I'm fucking talking about. I would take such pleasure in kicking her witness's ass in cross and objecting the fuck out of her direct if this was high school and she was on the other team.

Anger. Seriously. At least I can accept when somebody else points out a good objection. And don't try to point out bullshit ones when I don't know the justification for them or cheat my way out of being deemed wrong. That's the biggest thing. If she was trying to sneak in and steal control because she's. . . idk, an actual lawyer, that's different. Perfect example of a little bit of knowledge being a horrible, horrible thing.

That's this weekend. My witness, who I'd thought would be pretty good when we were going through some questions, looks like she's just going to memorize the script she wrote. Yet again, I need our witnesses back. Fucking dream team, we were. I'm really hoping she polishes it up and goes completely off script, because just like every time a script is written, she's really canned.

<-- That was all Monday. The witness who was supposed to meet me didn't actually show up--I think we may have mistakenly agreed on different days to meet, because according to the only-semi-annoying lawyer (so called because he tends to listen/ask the *less experienced* bitchface rather than me about some things, but that's semi-understandable because he actually knows her. Plus, his boyfriend walked by and kissed him once while we were meeting, and I had to restrain myself from "awww"ing) that like I her, she couldn't find me on the day.

Now it's Wednesday. My life sucks. More MT and Judith making my time of it a bitch. First, why today in particular sucked so hard. Starting at 7:40 or so I was in class until 5:50 (not even extracurricular lab, but lab-lab that took way too long because we had to keep redoing stuff because our results kept being shit), then back to plug in my laptop and putter around looking for the library Torchwood dvd I'd misplaced; never even got to take off my shoes before down to dinner and then the gym and then straight back up to my room to grab my mock trial binder for a no-notice MT meeting. It's almost 11 and I've been in my room a grand total of one hour since waking up.

I want to kill her. I really do.  She's now got Sahara (the president of the frat who DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO) being the president, but at least it's not her, because I would have straight up vetoed that.  But it's supposed to be me.

I've got this reoccurring dream/worry/fantasy that she's going to give the closing argument once (out of 4 trials) and suck, and I'm just going to have to be "No.  You're not doing it anymore.  I'm taking over, role limits be damned."

It's going to be a while before I can do these three pages of reflection stuff for Hero and Quest (summary of the weeks' readings, which I only ever did the first 1/6th of the entire book, summary of the class discussion, which is hard as I'm an idiot and never put dates on my notes, and a reflection bit; doesn't seem hard, and yet is so much more difficult than the bazillion-page microiology practice test I should be doing instead because you've got to make it sound good) because otherwise it'd be WARWARWARDIEDIEDIE HE'S (Henry Flemming from Red Badge of Courage) FAIL FOR RUNNING BECAUSE THEY NEED TO ALL BE DED KTHXBAI. 

I'm letting her make me loathe going to MT because it's something I'm frankly really fucking good at and she's taking it away from me.  She took my closing already, which I was fine with at first if it meant I'd just have more time to coach the other lawyer and witnesses who'd never done anything before, but she knows them all through the frat, so they all went "Oh, she's got debate experience and her little podunk town school did MT, so let's talk to she who DOESN'T FUCKING KNOW WHAT A LEADING QUESTION IS OR THAT PLAINTIFF CAN'T CROSS THE DEFENSE WITNESSES BEFORE THEY HAVE TESTIFIED." (Seriously? That second part? I don't think you need to have any experience with law save having seen two episodes of Law and Order to know that the lawyer on the other side asks their questions right after the lawyer whose witness it is asks theirs. Supposedly she just got confused between the order for pre-trial witness selection and calling the witnesses in the actual case, but you know what that tells me? She didn't really read the rules, and yet she's constantly trying to point them out to other people.) Oh, and the kicker. As this is pretty much the entire basis of the case. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE A BITCH TO SOMEONE TO SHOW ACTUAL MALICE. RECKLESS DISREGARD WORKS TOO AND IS THE EASIER TO PROVE. W. T. F.

Yeah.  I'm not an overly roll-over-and-take-it person in general, especially in an area that I've got some standing in, but I tried so fucking hard not to just go in and write everything for everybody because I knew that since it was so late that I was finally getting people to stick that we didn't have time to be good, and I'd rather people learned for next year than sucked a little less this year. So when she came in to the picture a few weeks ago (versus me, who's the reason this team exists as I've been working on getting it up and going since September through probably 3 whole teams worth of people committing and then dropping out), I was already being too laid back with the team (whoever I could drum up and keep in for more than a week, with people refusing to commit or change their schedules, as I've bitched about before). Most of it's probably that they all know her. Idk. I've gotten this massive complex, now. She wants me to put this stupid-arsed "haste makes waste" into my opening and I can't do it. I won't, frankly, because sure, a theme works well, but one as stupid and singsongy as that isn't memorable as anything but stupid and singsongy, plus the defense can wipe it out with a couple of easy comments regarding the responsibility to the people to get news out on TV asap after it happens (backed up by the expert witness).

Gah. And I don't have anything memorized yet, and I've got those Hero and Quest journals to do tonight which are going to take a long time like always, and I've got two tests to make up when I get back--the microbiology one I could technically take on Friday as we're not leaving until 9 and it's my 8 o'clock, but I'd do a halfassed job on prepping for both mt and the test, and I can't afford to fuck this test up as I've got an 85% in there after that lab one I had to take after missing the follow up on the three labs before due to carfail (because idk when that'll ever get written--car died 2 hours out of STL, 1 hour from school, just on the side of the highway in nowheresville on Tuesday. Got it towed to a place [that I think was the only one within god knows how many miles], turns out it was a fatal dying, [livejournal.com profile] bleakone had to come pick me up because the car's trash; missed everything that Tuesday which happens to be two of the three classes where attendance counts the most). Add the stress of Judith (aka bitchface) and how much I hate losing like I know we will and even worse, having to sit there and have other people screwing up and not being able to object on their behalf or rephrase their answers or something (see MT state semifinals and finals 2007 where I swear I took years off of my life restraining myself from shouting out the response to the objection from the witness bench while my team made a couple of stupid and critical mistakes). And having to fucking open for the plaintiff (never fun, as that's the absolute first thing to happen in the trial) and then direct the first plaintiff witness (the first actual exam to happen in the trial, which is dangerous because you can't get the feel for the judge or the other team's objection strategy before you have to just go--I'm well aware that the person with that job tends to get the lowest scores for that reason, which makes everything worse because it feels like everyone else will think that that's some kind of affirmation that Judith's better than I am if she scores higher when I know she's not). I'm breaking out like nobody's business (as per usual in preparation for the ONE DAY A YEAR I actually put on makeup and dress up and stuff) and having mini panic attacks about compounded stress and the prospect of driving 1.5hrs in a car packed with three four? other people (I don't know what I'm going to do there. I need to be either knocked out with megadoses of Dramamine or allergy medicine or something, which would not give me enough time to recover, or be able to completely zone out and meditate the fuck out of that car--for all seriousness, I'm freaking out just thinking about the prospect--both of which would prevent the rehearsing we should be using the time for.)

GAH. An hour later and I've been just writing this and catching up on the news and such and not doing the homework. Fucking fail. Midnight and I've got hours left of work to do. I need to learn to make these things as short and easy as they're supposed to be. I'm fairly sure I'm overthinking.

I'm also fairly sure I'm close to the border of incoherent from fatigue (not tiredness, really; though that's there to a not-pleasant extent as I woke up some ninetybazillion times during the night last night, it's mostly just exhaustion from the bitch of a day this has been) as seen by the worse my typing is getting. Though point of interest, Chelsea (primary cohab) was listening as she was going to sleep a bit ago to me rock out this keyboard and she asked how fast I type "because sometimes I listen and you're going at it like a ninja", and I guessed like 40wpm or something because that seemed like a number I'd seen before, but evidently if I'd seen that number before and not just pulled it out of the top of my head, it was from maybe 6th grade when I had to take typing class because I took some random online test just now and pulled an 80-95wpm range. That should afford me some kickass job somewhere paying lots of money until I get my MD and make tons more money, I think.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Just testing out the "post from email" option.  For the third time, as it's not liking me.  Perhaps it's on a lag, and because I just set it up a few hours ago it takes a while for LJ to acknowledge that this email is an accepted post-from venue.  Or they're all backed up in LJ and will all post at once.  Either way, some three-plus copies of this will probably show up at some point, LOL.

Third time failed, and thus we're posting from Semagic as usual. Don't know why that's not working, but the above reasons are probably at least part.

So, Psych on Friday? Not a fan. Really just wasn't very funny, IMO. The whole Lassiter scene was quite touching, but we'd all called it from the very beginning and his lovey speech didn't really fit with the overall tone of the show. I kept asking myself where the joke was.

Did not get to watch Dollhouse, but my worries from the beginning about how it didn't sound that good are being reinforced by the vague reviews I'm hearing from others that did see it. Showed Dr. Horrible to the mother yesterday, who enjoyed it quite a bit (though she wasn't crazy about how it just ended), so weekend Joss fix = accomplished.

I'm at home atm for the long weekend. I should be leaving around 4 tomorrow to get back for a mock trial meeting Monday night, but I don't think that's happening, as BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY IS COMING TO SPEAK HERE. And since he's kinda one of my favorite guys of all time (you should hear me quote things like "Science rules" or burst into giggle fits anytime anyone says "Consider the following"), it wins. Must come up with a good excuse for not being able to come to MT, though I really shouldn't have to as I could make every single other meeting we've ever even proposed having. Still not looking forward to that in general. I'm sticking with the distancing myself plan, as then I can resist taking over and rewriting everyone's everything and can brush it off when since I didn't rewrite stuff, we get our asses kicked in two weeks.

Had lobster for the first time yesterday. Yum. It wasn't even good lobster (so says my dad; naturally I have no comparison), but I'm a huge fan of the richness (which is actually what Dad says was lacking in this one, so I can't wait to taste a good one). And scallops, though I think I've tasted them before. Fan of both, but the lobster more; I liked the scallop but it wasn't really anything new, delicious but not different from other seafoods like the lobster was in its richness. That's what my parents did for Valentine's Day, LOL, Dad bought lobster and Mom bought scallops and they cooked them up just in the kitchen and ate them at the table. I'd make a recession joke, but that's always what they've done, really, because they like homemade food. I trust nobody noticed my switching to my ancient, made because of a challenge I misread the rules for and so never actually entered it into, Valentine's NCIS icon, which was my only concession to the day.

[[There was at one point a whole huge thing here that I went back and added after finishing the rest of the post where I segued into Valentine's Day being my paternal grandmother's birthday and the whole situation with her and my dad and her health and such, but it became too long for this post and not the right attitude to then jump back to my sister being a socialite, so that will come in a separate post.]]

My sister is quite the social animal, I'm realizing. I mean, I knew that, but sort of forgot as with other people's vacations and such there wasn't much of it over Christmas. I come home Friday and she's having a Friday the 13th party with some 5 preteen girls (interestingly enough, two-maybe-three of whom have parents who teach in our school district; one of them math at the high school who actually recognized me despite my not ever having him nor spending more than one hour a day in the math building and none last year nor even ever having a conversation with the man, I don't think, which was somewhat weirding, though less so as he was quite nice). She spent Saturday afternoon out somewhere, and spent today making plans for people to go with her to BILL NYE OMG tomorrow. I mentioned to Mom, "Aren't you glad that you managed to skip this with your first two?" She responded with an emphatic yes.

I'm kind of jealous, though. Not of the socialization, as I tend to find that tiring, but idk, of the happiness she gleans from it? I do remember a time in elementary school when I loved going to parties and such, but it seems like people don't just get together and have fun just for the sake of it anymore. Since. . . hell, probably 8th grade, there was either a reason (a birthday or event) or (usually 'and') alcohol involved. Since none of my friends drank (most not at all, and never around me), it was like we didn't have that reason to get together that "mainstream teenagers" did, so we just didn't.

Or maybe they did all through high school and just didn't invite me. Tis a distinct possibility, as it's pretty easy to admit that Katie was the only person I was really close to. Which is why it really sucks that we aren't really talking anymore. I made some reference to something we used to do, one of our many collective quirks, and Mom asked if I'd talked to her recently, and I sort of scoffed and said no. Mom was like "What, are you mad at each other or something?" and I was really sort of idk, proud that I was able to say "Well, I am, idk about her." Because you know what? I am pissed that I made an effort to stay in touch and I wasn't getting any help with it, and I'm damn well allowed to be (/part of Alexandria's "not everything is your fault, Ms. Self Esteem Fail" campaign). She was always the more social of our pair, so she knows that my making the effort was an especial stretch for me, and yet I haven't heard from her since probably September. Mom says that she and my Aunt Beth didn't talk for most of college, and yet got back together enough that she's my godmother (though idk how much they've talked beyond notes in Christmas cards in the last few years).

And in completely different news, I'm pissed off that my dad/I didn't go ahead and buy NFL swag off of this Fox Sports website that was having this killer sale, as sometime today the sale died. It was killer. $2.50 hats, $7 shirts, $12 jerseys? We're talking easily 75% off. I would have worn Denver stuff every day (and actually bought a coat that fit me--as much as I lovelovelove my Denver Broncos coat, a good part because it was my Dad's and is huge and comfortable and you can settle down in it for the winter, because it was my dad's and is huge it doesn't trap body heat especially well when the wind blows like it does in Springfield because there's just too much air between you and it to try to keep warm under the bitter onslaught.

Figured out in a burst of figureoutedness (finding the word I want fail) that the headaches I've had all weekend are from caffeine withdrawal, LOLOL. At school, I've got a glass of soda (invariably at least 18oz, usually closer to 24+) with both lunch and dinner every day, unless I'm trying to be good and abstain, which usually lasts all of a day at most. Come here, and practically nothing. I was really pleasantly surprised that taking a Tylenol worked, though; I've got it in my head that NSAIDs don't work on me, which I think is the case because I take them so rarely, usually only when I'm actually in the midst of a full-out illness (and usually not even then unless I've got to suck it up to make it through school, as I'm of the mind to try to fever things done with quicker), so they can't relieve all the sick. When it was just a medium-strength headache and I grabbed some just because they were right next to me and I figured what the hell (and also "oh god, oh god, please do not be the beginnings of a migraine" as I've had surprisingly few lately *knock on everything solid within reach* and feel like I'm due), Tylenol could do it.

I really want a soda, LOL. Or anything, I suppose, but there's an empty can of Diet Coke over near me and the caffeine monster WANTS THAT and not the lukewarm last bits of a water bottle next to it.

/test of the emergency broadcast system email posting. Chances are this will have to be cleaned up as idk if it will handle coding or anything, but I'm hopeful. Could be handy, as I tend to log in to my email on any computer I'm on for more than a few minutes (in a computer lab or something), but logging into LJ is rarer and that extra step is a deterrent from posting. Though the fact that oddly, the Firefox built in spellcheck doesn't appear to be working right now is similarly a deterrent. Idk what's up there.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
O. M. F. G.

Marburg hemorrhagic fever, imported case, UNITED STATES

LOL at how they retrospectively diagnosed it, though.

Atm, I'm in the first floor of the biomedical sciences building while my gel runs upstairs because I've got a shitload of work and no time to do it. I've been getting maybe 4 hours of sleep each of the last three days, which doesn't make me happy as with my 8 and 9 am classes, I was trying to be in bed by midnight. Yeah, that worked until I got, idk, actual homework.

And now I'm swamped, between the lab and mock trial right now. The former is new and weird. Though this is only my third day working in there, so it's understandable, and I am really getting the hang of things because I know what I'm doing, just not where everything is, LOL; keeping the notebook is the hard bit--I'm not sure how much/what to write out. As there's a large continuum of detailedness in procedure, especially since it's all written out for me already as standards and I only really have to mark down changes I make (different buffers, annealing temperatures for the PCR, etc.) And I'll definitely have enough to actually write it up when I'm done, but I'm not sure how much the supervisor wants in terms of that kiddish bullshit regarding actually enumerating every item you ever even think about touching in the materials section, etc.

MT is. . . interesting. We're just prepping every witness just in case, which is what I'd been advocating forever, but now we have enough people to do it. I'm pretty much pissed at most of the people, though, as they just jumped in on Sunday so they could get to go with us to Columbia for the competition. And worried, as I've never heard any of them do anything mock trial-y. And one of them not even talk, really. I'm worried about him the most, as he's not even in Phi Alpha Delta (the pre-law fraternity that's sponsoring the MT team) and. . . doesn't really strike me as intelligent. I mean, at all. But as a result of this last-minute thing, we don't have an overall case strategy, nobody's working with each other to coordinate examinations (because sometimes you've got to make sure somebody says something earlier so you can get in what you want later), etc. So we're pretty much going to get our asses kicked, which I severely dislike. Because I'm good at this mock trial stuff, but I'm having to spend all my time just trying to get everybody (or even some of everybody) in the same room at the same time. We had both of the other lawyers and one of my two definitely-going-to-be-used witnesses not show up to the meeting on Sunday, so I can only hope that they didn't just quit on me or something. I don't understand why people here think they don't have to make any kind of comittment--it's only since the president of PAD intervened for me and started browbeating people that anybody would show up, since I've got no incentive/disincentive to enforce to ensure attendance. But seriously? Nobody seems to get that you've got to make the meeting times fit, you can't just say "oh, I've got work, can't show"--it's called asking off, seeing as how MT'll be over in a few weeks, it's not like it's going to be forever.

And I've got my microbiology test tomorrow that I'm going to fail since I still can't get the book (they're out at the bookstore; they offered to order me one, but I'll be damned if I'm paying the new price much less also the "having to ship it in" fee that I've heard they tack on)

And a psychology test that I'm going to spend all of 5 minutes looking over stuff for because I'm fairly certain I can take this class's final right now and pull at least a 97% but still adds to the stress

And chemistry lab (and thus in-lab quiz and writeup) tomorrow.

And journal entries due for Hero and Quest reflecting over material I haven't actually read all of. These being that which I was up until 1 and then from 3:30-6ish doing two weeks worth of last night (and it actually did take me that long, because of both the ADD from hell that's decided to be a bitch this semester simply because my doctor moved to Wisconsin so I've got no way of getting my meds for it reupped again), but it turns out that even though we didn't have class at all the third week, we've still got to do one.

And to add insult to injury, I was all excited about lunch today because it was some French theme and one of the counters was going to be fruit and cheese dessert. Which I thought might mean decent fruit (berries and such instead of the standard apple/orange/pear/banana/grapefruit rotating selection they've got of fresh, and nasty mushy sugary frozen/canned other fruits). With no interest in dinner (chicken strips and mashed potatoes/macaroni and cheese in both dining halls, blech--since they're for some reason killer popular, that's all it would have been at all the counters and in both places on the same day, which just seems stupid to me), that was going to be it for me for the day, but no. That dining place has a power outage.

And the chairs that I'm in in the computer lab have the most worthless backs in the history of chairs. Which would be okay if you just didn't use them, like stools; painful but doable. But no. The seat is slanted backwards so as to tip you back towards the back, which then leans so far back that I'd probably fall asleep if I stayed that way for more than a few seconds.


On a less-whiny (okay, still whiny, but different topic) note, House last night. How long after all the hoopla was that last scene supposed to have taken place? They didn't establish any kind of time passage, I think, which is fail. Because really? Not so much with the sexing after all that medical shit goes down. (Plus, erm, not really a fan of the 14.)
commotiocordis: (QPicard)
Dear Mr. Creepy Sir at the gym.
You know what we think of you when there is a whole row of 7 unoccupied treadmills on the other side of me all down one empty side of the main row of the cardio section of the gym (and a second, back section of 16 or so different-style treadmills that were empty save one person), and yet some 40-something, large (as in just big, not really fat though there was definitely some of that, but bulky huge) man comes and takes the one open treadmill between the two young women? And then just idles around for a bit without actually beginning to work out for quite some time, and then only beginning a leisurely walk? THAT YOU'RE A CREEPER, KTHXBAI.
Sincerely,
One of the two young women you squeezed your large self in between and majorly weirded out.


Went to the gym early today so I could watch this History channel thing on sex in space only to hear them say nothing interesting. Save maybe that it might have happened because this couple was married when they went up, but they have no other reason to believe it did but the fact that they were newlyweds. It was a whole hour (though I only saw the second half) of fluff. Spec stuff that anybody could have come up with; talking to experts about how they could strap down their feet and have handholds or something, and how for space tourism there could be almost crawltube-meets-sleeping bag type things for sexitiems. Do I just label myself a creeper by saying that none of these were particular stretches of the imagination? When I first started contemplating the concept (when I first heard that the show was running and my curiosity was piqued), I came up with all of these things, thanks. So pay me instead of them.

I knitted a mini stocking today. Took the basic shaping pattern and squiggled it around a bit as I wanted it to be more stocking shaped and not Christmas-stocking shaped (as the latter is always more boot-like than stocking) and because there was no way I had the patience to knit out a quicky Christmas decoration on size 2 needles when we don't even have a tree to hang it on. (Second or third year in a row, and it's what my parents used to do when they were newly married and without kids, had no real reason to go all out--we just use the live, deciduous house-tree that we've always got in here. Things do not hang upon it well, and it's not particularly full of leaves, so outsiders prolly wouldn't think it was too Christmas-spirit-esque, but I think it's a much better embodyment than those dead ones that other people string up.) Anyway, I think I made it a bit too long in my modification, as it looks oddly skinny and stretched (but more real stocking-like, still). And the snowflake that I tried to knit into it simply didn't turn out because there weren't enough stitches to do it with, so it's like a picture that's insanely pixelated--you can't quite tell what it's supposed to be. Still. Win.

Ooh, and went to Tyler's mock trial meeting today. Not crazy about how they're going at this case, as (I think I've mentioned) it's the one where you've got the choice of going for murder or manslaughter on the prosecution, and not guilty, not guilty due to insanity, guilty but mentally ill, or (though you wouldn't actually go for this one) guilty. Problem is, you can't just throw everything at the wall and see what sticks, because you weaken your case on the other charges (to establish the mental illness needed for "not guilty due to," you have to make some concessions towards admitting that he did do it, which then blows your "not guilty" plain chances, etc.) Plus, you only get indicted on one count for each offense in real life, unless I'm wrong, so I don't see how the judge wouldn't make the prosecution pick murder or manslaughter first, and the defense files notice that they're going for an affirmative defense beforehand (or at least they do on TV), so ditto. Idk. Coach's baby was there, and he has ears that rival Barack Obama's, so that's adorable.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Whoa. New arrangement for the CSI: NY theme. Ehh. I prefer the original; it's closer to the real song.

(I can't believe I don't already have a CSI tag. Odd.)

And the next day.

I'm half watching an SVU (7.09 "Rockabye") right now when I wrote this while waiting for ER to come one, and Donnelly was about to try a case and Casey was talking her out of it for political reasons, and Liz says "Playing politics with the law. You're heading down a slippery slope, Casey." LOL, foreshadowing.

And the next day. Seriously, fail posting.

Last night was terrific success in not sleeping. It was inching on 1am and I was bedding down when Jason X (with both Lexa Doig and Lisa Ryder from Andromeda) came on. I hate movies like that, but for the sake of those two, I'd always looked at the copy of it on the shelf at the library but never actually checked it out (because I hate horror movies). It was the most ridiculous thing ever (though admittedly, I was only paying 1/2 attention as I figured out how to window my computer!TV screen and my Sims 2 screen and get them both going at once, which makes me very happy)--beyond the unbelievable plot and hackslashkilling where people lose arms by falling machetes and just walk around, etc., because I know Lisa Ryder as Beka Valentine, it was really hard to be anything but really annoyed at the chirpy robot chick. But after that, Rat Race came on, which I also watched. And then it's like 5:45am. So I ended up not going to Genetics (even though I was up, I just didn't feel like it), but that's no big loss as we talk about nothing of interest in that class. I'll have to get the review sheet for the next test at some point, as he said he'd hand that out today, but that's it.

AND I GOT THE MOCK TRIAL CASE. Have yet to read it, but I got my hands on a copy (we're still waiting for the money to go through to register our team for an official login, so this is wicked).

Bowled again today. This is prolly the 4th week in a row, and I think I'm definitely improving. Decided to start keeping track of our scores, so table o'recordage to follow in separate post.

And I might be going to the Denver game on Sunday. It was a bigger might be ("can get tickets, but how to get there without making Dad go three hours out of the way to pick me up"), and then a no (as it's 3 hours from him to Kansas City, and three hours from me to KC, but 6 hours from him to me to KC because fail!triangle is formed, and he's got to work Monday morning), and now it's a "Dad's coming down tomorrow, so it depends on my getting a ticket in time" maybe. Excitement.

Edit: tickets are bought and paid for. And decent seats. The two of us for less than $100, and we're in the 20th row in the lower level. 25 yard line, which isn't preferable (I wanted the $70 ticket in the first row close to the 50, but there was only one), but still win. (And since they switch sides at the half, it'll be good for half the game. Though it depends on how the game goes which half is good.)

Stargate Atlantis is screwing with my head. Robert Picardo and Jewel Staite just had a scene together talking about the gate, and my brain went "ONOES, too many sci-fi shows blending!"

Oh, and forgot to mention. Picked up ER season 5 from the library today, so yay for that. The beginning of 5 is one of the few sections of episodes I've never seen (or not seen in so long that I've completely forgotten), so this is win. Plus, no cohabs this weekend, so it's medical drama funtiems.

Might take another L.S.A.T. tomorrow morning depending on whether I feel like missing brunch or not (and whether I wake up). Food times on weekends suck here--it's 10:30-1:30 and then 5-7, which is crazy restrictive especially when you consider that it's even more packed than usual for whatever reason.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
OMG beautiful weather today. Downright chilly most of the morning--add the windchill from bike riding and I was goosebumpy through all of my polisci class. Which is interesting. The class, not the goosebumps. It's one of those ones where all the material is interesting, but you come out of it looking over your notes and wondering what exactly there is in there to be tested on. Plus, the teacher's still trying to pretend she's from Oklahoma. Seriously. I recorded part of her lecture today, so I'm going to go though that and pick out some of the strikingly not-Oklahomian bits to share.

I'm in the top floor lobby atm, and not only did (in the few minutes it took for me to run back to my room, pop a bag of popcorn, and come back) somebody take my spot in the cushy chair alcove, now two other people (boyfriend and girlfriend, I'm assuming) have come into the same alcove to powow. Idk what they're doing--the girl padded in in her pajamas, bringing two bottles of water (vodka?) and the guy came off the elevator, and now they're just talking. Nothing wrong with that, I mean, but don't you have rooms? And at 11pm?

I am quite annoyed currently with the network stuff here. They're all "don't go over your weekly bandwidth or you'll drop down to dial up speeds!1!one!!" Umm, that's what I'm getting anyway. (And still managed to get within 400mb of the limit a few days ago, LOL). It's horrible. The inconsistency is the worst part--I'll be going 80 bytes per second for a while, and then it'll jump up to over 1mb/sec for a while, then back down to where it usually hangs out at 20-30kb/s. No idea how I got the killer speed, no idea what made it go the snail speed--all on Megaupload at pretty much the same time of day, so that's not it. And it's not even the wireless--this is on the wired connection. The wireless is more consistently fast (300kb/s ish in the basement lobby) if you're actually in the wireless zone--I can pick up the wireless from my room since this lobby has it, but the connection is spotty so it's not as quick.

[Edit: later, 1:20 am ish? I'm getting between 750k/s and 1mb/s back in the room on the wired. *sigh*]

Food here still doesn't make me happy. Omlette bar days do, because they've got whole eggs that I can separate myself (LOL at how I have to do it) in the hall that's practically in my building and a bucket o' egg white in the one that's on the way to most of my classes. But due to my scheduling, I rarely get down there for breakfast, which is sad. Most other days, the only thing I can count on is the salad bar (which tends to suck at the one near my classes--wilted lettuce, still-frozen vegetables, etc.; I only hit that one on T/Th for lunch, though, as other times I'm either in class during the meal times or near the closer one) and I have to bring my own fat free italian down because they only have one fat free dressing (raspberry--it's good, but you get tired of it quickly because it's a pretty flat flavor). There's a grill with burgers and stuff every day, and then some random fried meat substance most of the time for the main course (pork fritters today, etc.), and then one random thing that's usually not something I'll eat.

Even with the good weather today, the gym has not become any more tolerable. If there's more than one other person on the tiny row of treadmills, it's too loud to hear whatever episode of something I've put on my MP3 player (I wrap the velcro arm band around the handlebar thing to sort of prop up the screen so I can see it, though I've got to keep adjusting it the entire time because it tends to flop around because I can't quite get it to velcro on tightly enough), and you can never hear/see the TV. The latter mostly because my glasses are too wide for my face, idk how, and I can't get the ear pieces to sort of go back inwards, so if my face gets at all sweaty, they start sliding down.

Speaking of TV. O HELLZ YES, DENVER BRONCOS. Thank you for Monday night, sirs. But OMG, I didn't realize that we let Elam go. The new kicker's not bad (by that I mean he didn't miss last night), but IL Jason Elam. He's 38 and still the best kicker in the league. Plus, he's been playing pretty much my entire Denver-watching career, so he's one of the names that I still know from the Elway days. I read an article talking about how that's the exact reason that all the Denver fans are up in arms about his leaving, which is prolly true. Doesn't hurt that he kicks ass, though.

Re: mock trial. So, turns out that the pre-law fraternity is trying to start up a group. Which is good--takes the pressure off of me having to try to do so (as that almost definitely wouldn't have gotten done this year, now that I've looked at how many hoops you have to jump through). Nobody on the team's got MT experience at this level, though--two of us did it in HS (I think I actually beat her in State two years ago--definitely in rankings, if not also in a physical match) and we were talking after the intro meeting about co-captaining it. Which would be cool. I've pretty much got to join the pre-law frat to captain it, though, it's seeming, as the team's being done through them rather than as a separate club. Which is pricey. And I still don't have my bank card that they were supposed to send me (the form got turned in the 2nd of September, and I already had the account, all they had to do was print me up a card). Nor do I have my Public Speaking book that I ordered more than two weeks ago (totally could have done without it, too, as I know people in that class that I could have borrowed the book from to write my "Teach a chapter of the book to the class" speech, but it was only $6 or so including shipping, so whatever). That one's ticking me off. It's getting negative shipping feedback, LOL (as though most of the delay was probably the post office, the shipping confirmation they sent me says that they didn't ship it for some 5 days after I paid, which is not speedy).

Battery is low on the computer. Must go back now. Final note? Need to find out why I'm so sick pretty much since I moved in here. Dining hall food, methinks, but it's gotten to the point where I'm actually throwing up more days than not because I'm so nauseous.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Re: Spring Break. I knitted some eggs. And flowers, but the eggs are cooler looking. I stuffed them and everything (except for one of them, which I've yet to get around to sewing up and stuffing). I read a bunch of fic, which I hadn't really been doing much of lately, so that was nice. Mock trial'ed the entire last weekend of it, which was fun but hell.

Re: Mock Trial. Like it says above, Friday/Saturday/Sunday were all that. And as usual, were filled by very little sleep, as you're not home until late on Friday, you've got to cram for the side switching that night and get up early Saturday morning to go back down there and argue the other way. Ditto Saturday night to Sunday. Add to that my weird sleeping schedule (so I was in court when I would normally be asleep) and I calculated it all out and I had something like 260fl oz of Diet Dr. Pepper over Saturday and Sunday (most on Saturday) just to keep me awake, LOL.

We only took 4th this year, which pissed me off more than a little because a) it was only by the judge's ballot (who didn't like one of our lawyers pretty obviously) and one point on one of the jury ballots that we didn't get to move on, and b) the reason we lost the trial that kicked us out was because we'd lost to that team once before this year and we got scared. Twas a snooty rich school that has won state something like 5 out of the last 8 years now, but I don't think that they're actually that much better than we are (they're scripted as hell, so you knock them off script and they're gone).

But I got screwed by a bad call (so says my team’s lawyer coach, who, with several other lawyers, wrote the case) by the judge on an unfair extrapolation, which meant I had to spend most of my cross time fighting the witness on that and had to cut myself way short on the other stuff I wanted to get to so I wouldn't leave our last crosser with only 3.5 minutes for an entire examination (like happened earlier in the series of trials)--which didn't hurt my score because I handled it well, but in the course of the overall trial, it made it harder for them to find for us at the end because it ended up helping the other side's case; as much as they say that it's all about the points and who would actually win the trial doesn't matter, you can't divorce presentation from outcome completely. Idk. I felt that I did decently and my scores reflected that (though they weren't nearly the best I'd ever gotten), though the u.e. thing rattled me pretty badly at the time—you sit down thinking “Oh shit, I just blew that,” because it didn’t come out as strongly case-wise for my side as it should have, but the fighting is where most of the points do come from. And fighting I can do.

Still. Moar things that went wrong on Sunday. We had one lawyer screw up the side switching (or something) during that final trial, and end up crossing one witness with what were essentially the direct examination questions for our side's counter witness, and I had to fight my witness a few times when she got again, methinks nervous, and wasn't following where I was trying to go/tried to fight me like I was her crosser. which were the two big things that I can pick out as what I felt hit us the hardest. Plus, two major points for my closing didn’t come out in trial for various reasons, which means I had to rework the thing to try and make it sound like we’d presented a strong enough case to win if it were a real trial (which we didn’t, due to the fact that it’s a weaker side to begin with and we missed those two points). But I think a lot of my closing points came from being able to do that, however, because the opposing closer very obviously didn’t for her side and was talking all kinds of smack that very severely skewed both the stuff that the witnesses actually said and stuff that they didn’t actually ever say. It was nuts, though; I don’t think I’ve ever heard such skewage from a closer before. She was like “And you heard them say this” and I was all “Ummbutwhat? I’m pretty sure not.”

Saturday’s either first or second trial, they all run together in my head, first trial was unbelievably fun, though, because. . . erm, the other team wasn’t any good. Well, sufficiently good that it wasn’t boring and we got a chance to use some of our objection responses and stuff, but their witnesses weren’t great at fighting on cross, which is always my favorite part anyway, and thus I was able to sort of kill my witness to, erm, death. I wanted video of that one—we never seem to get anybody to video tape ours for whatever reason, which is sad. I always think of it afterwards (only on the good trials—on the bad ones, you want all tapes/cameras/recording devices as far away as possible, LOL) and it never gets done. And the other teams, when they tape it, never manage to get the tape to us like the MT rules say they have to if we ask (I’m looking at one team here in particular that’s done it to us two years in a row, thanks). I had my mp3 player sneakyrecording all or most of the trials over the weekend, though, so I’m going to go back through and listen to them at some point and perhaps pull out bits of things to put up for fun.

We recast throughout the competition again, though, as on Friday night we were freaking out because our opener wasn't there yet when the trial was supposed to start and we had divvied up her parts to just try to do them without real preparation. It's not like we couldn't have, as evidenced by the fact that we’ve had to do that several times over the course of this season, more or less including Sunday, but it's crazy nervewracking to have to try to examine a witness you've never worked with before; even though you know what you need to get out there, it's easy for a witness and a lawyer to trample on each other's toes accidentally if they're not at least a bit familiar with each other's style. She showed up that night maybe 2 minutes before the judge walked in, but there seemed to have been family issues on the way there that nobody ever got the details of that both were the cause of her lateness and had her shaken up enough that she did really poorly, so we ended up absorbing her roles anyway for the next time we went that direction (which was Sunday's, thus also partially explaining the semi-suckage that trial).

But yes. I got a 10 on my closing on the Sunday trial, and that’s what I’m going to stick with. As a team, we didn’t do as well as we could have, but as an individual (especially considering I had to fight the twisted unfair extrapolation thing) I kinda rocked the weekend. I won’t play modest (lol, like you saw any humility in this entire post); I’m good at this shit, so it really feels sucky that this was most likely the last time I’m going to be able to do it.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So the teacher from my school with whom we go to this Saturday Scholars/stupid people!minimed? I hate that I can't decide what to think about him.

I've never been a student of his, but he used to be the person who sort of watched over the people waiting for the late bus, and he learned my name and we'd talked several times. A nice guy. Always said hello in the hallway, etc. I liked him.

Come to this fakey!minimed thing. First day of it (two weeks ago yesterday), we're in the hallway outside the anatomy lab dumping our stuff so we can get gowned and gloved and in there, and he mentions having forgotten to bring the smelling salts (or something; I didn't quite catch exactly what he called it, but that's what it was). He then turns to me (and only me): "You don't get nauseous, do you?" Me: "No. I mean, in cars when I'm trying to read, and when I'm sick, and. . . no?" I didn't get it at first, because I was trying to reconcile smelling salts with nausea, until it clicked--he was afraid I, being of the weaker sex, was going to get dizzy, sick, and pass out at the sight of preserved cadavers. I wouldn't have had a problem if he'd asked the whole group of people from our school, but he singled out me, as the only female.

Yeah. So miffed about that. To the point that I suffered through a migraine this Saturday (though oddly, one with no headache, just nausea--that's a new thing, though I definitely prefer it to getting the whole shebang, but it took me a while to figure out that that's what it was and not the salmon from the night before) while at the program even though I was pretty sure (turned out I was wrong, but still) I had a migraine pill in my bag right outside the lab, simply because I couldn't admit that I was feeling sick whilst in the presence of the cadavers for fear of justifying his earlier comments.

And then today. One of the med school presenters was asking some anatomy questions all quiz-style as a recap during part of the lecture. I knew all the answers, no surprise, because they weren't hard. (Though evidently I'm the only one who's heard of the hepatic portal vein? Or, you know, knew any of them?) But said teacher decided to hiss the answers in my ear even though my hand was already up to give the answer (though not very high, so I doubt he saw). I ended up just putting my hand down and not bothering for the rest, because by saying anything, I would be giving the answer he fed me and not the one I was planning to give, even though they were identical. Does that make any sense? I've been trying to figure out how to phrase that to bring the feeling across for a while now, and it's not quite happening. Anywho. offended, I was. I don't know why he chose me to feed the answers to and not the other three people there with our group--perhaps because he felt I'd be more receptive to actually raising my hand and giving them, idk--but I didn't like it.

So I've been getting this really patronizing vibe off of him lately, which is sad, because I liked him. And I don't think he realizes he's doing it--it's not out of any kind of chauvinistic intent, methinks, but maybe some twisted form of chivalry? Or not any of these things and I'm reading too far into stuff, permaybehaps.

I started updating this about the last few mock trials on Friday, but I wrote the beginnings out in a Word file and then left it on the computers at school, so that'll have to wait. Tuesday's regionals round 2, though (and the day I said I'd meet to work on this f!mmed presentation we have to do, which I'm going to have to reneg on, as I'd forgotten about mock trial when I said the date was okay), which should be interesting, as we're hitting (I think I've mentioned, but maybe not) one of the teams that we shouldn't, by all rights, be hitting until the state rounds. They changed the rules of ranking and matching again, so according to the results going into Regionals, we were ranked either 3rd or 2nd (depending on if you calculated rankings by the new rules: point differential between you and who you beat, or the old rules: number of points) and due to the ending of the power matching stuff (to stop the best teams from knocking each other out too early in the competition, the group that went on was split in half by ranking and #1 hit the top person from the bottom half, etc.), we're hitting the number 1 team on Tuesday. Gah. So expecting to move to State this year we are not. Especially with all the casting mixups going on lately--a good half of our people are doing something different/additional during Regionals than they did in Prelims.

AND MY DOG IS ALL THE WAY ACROSS THE ROOM BUT IS PASSING SO MUCH GAS THAT I THINK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE OR DIE FROM THE STENCH. FAIL.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
I had a whole story on here from Friday and it didn't post. This is sad. Suffice it to say, I was pissed because I waited outside for the bus in 2F degree weather for 20 minutes before finally going back into the house after Mum called for us and found out that it had broken down and would be 10-20 more before it got there. And then it came in only 5, which didn't give me sufficient time to warm up. Plus, upon getting on said bus, it decided to honk loudly at all the stops at 7 in the bloody AM to get the people who, like me, had given up on waiting in this below-freezing weather. I hoped somebody called the police. I mean, I know it's not the driver's fault that the bus broke down, but how stupid do you have to be to honk at houses as you pass through a highly-uptight residential neighborhood when many people are still trying to sleep?

Dad and Tyler fixed the faucet in the bathroom last night, as something had died and it spurted water out where it connected with the basin every time you turned the water on more than a trickle. They turned the water off, put a new one on, and that was that. It's one of those with only one knob, though, and you've got to move the handle to one side or the other for hot or cold. Those are odd to me because I think this is the first we've ever had. Plus, it's uber sensitive, so you've only got to raise it a tiny bit for full-out waterage.

But yes. You thought it was over. Woke up and went to leave for Mock Trial, and there's water all down the street. I look closer--water main break. Right in front of the house. I lolol'd at how it happened right after they messed with the water for the house, though there's almost no way that could have caused it; the pipes prolly just froze. Anyway. Street buckled, the whole bit.

This is 9am or so, I leave, get to school, we go over scores from R1 of mock trial, I end up getting parts traded so I'm now a lawyer both rounds (like I mentioned before, bad in that I have to prepare lots more stuff, good in that I don't get antsy and pissed off at the lawyers when they're screwing up and I'm on the witness bench), I come back around noon and there's nothing happening. Still water spurting out. Dad called them only a bit after I noticed it, but since the spurtage couldn't be measured in feet (the watergeyserofdoom was only maybe 4 inches bubbling up), they didn't bother to show up until quite a bit later. I still parked way down the street so they could get there.

They did show up, finally, and fixed it. Eventually. But they brought the backhoe out and dug a huge hole in our yard to do so, which is now not a pretty sight. I was afraid they'd have to go way up in the yard and mess with Mum's garden, because then she'd be uberpissed, but it stayed right below it. And they had hoses and pumps and somehow managed to make it actually geyser up quite spectacularly, and it was quite loud for most of the afternoon. I had to make a phone call to the insurance company of the guy who hit my car two weeks ago or whenever that was (it's been all but resolved: I've got to call her back and tell her if I--read: my dad--want to use one of their listed/affiliated repair shops or take their estimated money and pay for it myself wherever I choose, and then have such done, and it'll be totally over), and I kept having to repeat things. Not cool.

Seriously, though, this hole? Hufuckingmungous. I took a picture; I'll have to find the camera cord to upload it. It's from out the window, so you can't quite see how deep it is, but you can see the guy leaning over it and talking. He's talking because there's a man in the hole, but his head's about 2.5 feet below the ground, so you can't see him at all. That makes this an 8.5ish feet deep hole. And decently wide, too. Large, I say.

Twas fixed when we got back from church, though the hole's just been dumped full of dirt and is lumpy and gross. They say they'll come back and fix it up, but in 8-10 weeks because the dirt's got to settle or whatever.

And then I went to the gym, went by Big Lots to see if they had any more of the 100-calorie Wheat Thin packs that I stupidly only grabbed one of that afternoon when I went there with Dad (unfortunately, no), stopped by the farmer's market because I really wanted some pears (but they're so unripe that I won't be able to have them for a few days, sadly), came home from the gym and had a really good, really big salad for dinner. And that's my story.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So you know how sometimes you've got a really good idea of how something's going to go, and then you find out that somehow you were totally wrong?

That was mock trial. Not my team's trial, we (to put it kindly) creamed the other guys by a good margin--90something to 60something with all three ballots for us. Which was expected, more or less, because we knew we were hitting one of that school's lower level teams. I think I got a 10 on my cross, though, which kicks ass, since it came to me around 3am last night and I spent the 30 minutes waiting for the trial to start jotting my notes down.

My brother's team. They were matched against a really good team. And somehow came out on top in 2/3 ballots by 1 and 2 points respectively. So barely, but they did.

I really want to see that trial now. We played against Tyler's team on Monday. They were not ready for it. I'm wondering if the team they hit wasn't the school's varsity team like we thought, because that's the only reasonable explanation for why they weren't killed. I mean, they try hard and mean well and some of them are good, but unless something drastically changed since Monday, I don't understand it.

Still. Yay, them.

Not yay, my going to the gym right after, dripping sweaty foundation down on my shirt, and not being able to walk as long as usual because of a major backache and then a twisted knee that still refuses to let me walk on it.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
I'm feeling better about this mock trial thing. I think I'm going to more or less just wing it up there. Jot down my points and the couple of federal rule exceptions that I'm anticipating needing for objection responses and just go.

I'm afraid of getting too argumentative during cross, though. Because I'm on defense, and the plaintiff (he whom I'm crossing) really needs the hardest smackdown for obvious reasons, but he's the first witness to be called (theoretically--the other team can switch it up if they want, but nobody ever does). Such smackdown would be better reserved for the last plaintiff witness for a strong lead into the defense case. Plus, erm, he's too easy to hit and hit hard, and I could easily draw a badgering objection if I'm not careful. Ahh, conundrums. I say screw it and go Alex Cabot on his ass.
commotiocordis: (carmen)
This is how my evening has failed.

First, I spilled my soup on my lap. Was still in exercise clothing, so I just changed into my pyjamas and that was the end of it. Later, I spilled cereal on the laptop (it was on the floor, I was in the process of sitting down and the bowl tipped). Cleaned it up. Put laptop on lap, resumed eating cereal, spilled it again on said laptop and this time also on lap.

Found pants for mock trial today at Goodwill, which was good. They aren't amazing on me, but they fit better than the ones I was planning on wearing, which are several sizes too big (though still much, much cooler than these new ones). Haven't yet gone over the case like I'd planned, nor memorized my examinations as well as I should have (I've never even tried to do it without the deposition in front of me, which is dangerous as that's not allowed at actual trial), which is not good. Must still shower and put away dishes (though probably in the opposite order) before bed.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
I am far too tired to still have done none of my homework for the day.

I spent today running around, like I mentioned yesterday, to 70 bazillion places. More than I intended, actually, as some bitch cut me off and forced me onto the highway on the way to my dad's school, which meant I had to go two exits past nowhere in order to turn around due to construction. And I had to stop by and make up a test for medical terminology. Final was this evening, though, after being rescheduled from this morning (which I had forgotten about last night, and was why I missed the first two hours of school today--okay, first one. The second was just me being a horrible horrible person and not wanting to go yet--until I found out that it got changed due to it being in a weird time in the first place or the ice or something), which means it's over now. Ahh, ridiculously easy class where I got to read fanfiction whilst keeping one ear open as the teacher talked about things that I mostly already knew. I shall miss thee.

I think next semester I'm going to take physics over the internets (coming in on 4 or 5 Saturdays for labs and tests), but the one that's online is marked "consider not taking this online if you didn't get at least a C in algebra". As in, you can still take it, but do the regular class instead of the distance one. The "engineering physics" class is labeled calculus-level, which probably means that that's what I should take (minus the engineering part--I think it just denotes that it's higher level, but idk), but I think it's only offered during the day, so I can't. I'm a little wary about the first class, "college physics", though, because it specifically says all over that there are no make-up labs, and that essentially, if you miss one of the Saturdays, you're going to have a damn hard time passing the class. Plus, there's this Saturday medical program that I'm applying for that I have to look up the dates for to see if they conflict (and, like the physics, that thing says that you won't be accepted if you have to miss any of the dates), and that's minimum two mock trial meetings I'm going to have to miss. Edit: Or maybe not on the latter, as I forgot we just changed our meeting times to earlier in the morning. I'd have to skip out a tad early, but methinks it wouldn't be a problem.

Plus, the book is goddamned expensive. IH college in that regard.

Re: Mock Trial. I'm half witnessing again. I'm both happy and not with that. Happy because it's pretty fun when you get a good crosser on your back to, putting it delicately, kick the living snot out of them, but not because it was so damn hard for me last year to have to sit there on the witness bench as my team missed and flubbed objections that I knew the response to. I get. . . idk. I'm like the kid who doesn't like to share the ball because they're afraid the other kids will make them lose, and now that I've made that connection I feel horrible, but it's somehow different (and yet not) because it's an intellectual pursuit? I don't know. I'm a bad person, hell, I've poached objections from people before because I knew that they didn't know what they were doing (though semi-legitimately, because it was a rules-debate and I was both more or less captain and more affected by the decision than the person whose examination it was raised during) but I'm really good at mock trial and speaking extemporaneously and such, and though that doesn't mean anything and normally I'm content to sit and maybe slip a note to a fellow lawyer if there's something they're missing, but it hurts me when it's simply because they don't know the rules. LOL, control issues.

And I've been meaning to fix my Criminal Minds icon. I didn't realize that the border was left transparent and not white, and though it looks fine on my journal because of the white background, on others' it does not.

Plus, I need suggestions for Christmas gifts. Both for myself and for my friends (particularly Katie, my plans for which fell through and now must be started from scratch).

Mini 4-sentence cut for prolly TMI about acne. )

And to conclude this lovely 20 minute extension of my several hour procrastination, alkdhgfiouqwjenadflkj KEYBOARD HATE. Start working better, sir. (Points to keyboardmash. Notice how there are no 's's in that? THIS IS MY DILEMMA.)
commotiocordis: (QPicard)
So. I haven't been on here in like forever. Or it feels like it. I post on occasion, but I haven't really talked to anybody in what feels like ages. I've not been on the computer much save when watching the occasional Battlestar Galactica episode or the odd day in which I decide I really need some good fanfiction (which is every day, but the days I actually try to find some have become somewhat less common). And as a result, I've got comments in my email from forever ago that I've not yet replied to and people I haven't talked to in months, starting LJ entries to update people on stuff and never finishing them, etc.

Yeah. My life hasn't exactly been going the way I want it to lately, I've been feeling sick a lot (I'm thinking it's the medicine), sleeping a lot but not well, etc. I've been really withdrawn lately, I'm starting to notice, from everybody. Not that good. And so I could blame the fact that I've been not doing stuff that used to make me happy on that, but I think that they're all symptoms, not the cause. Anyway.

Here I am. Socialize me. I feel bad, because I luff you all and I feel like I haven't been being a good friend.


Oh, and because I feel like sharing one of the things that falls into that category of LJ entries I've started but not finished typing for some reason or another. . .
My mock trial team got 2nd in the state!

I was going to wait to say anything until I finished typing up the whole big long thing that was all suspenseful and kept you guessing about how well we did until the very end, but that's already like 2.5 pages long and I'm nowhere near done yet, and I figured I might as well say something before I forget to even mention it. Hopefully I can be all up with the picspamming at some point, but I'm relying on everybody else to email them to me because I managed to not bring my camera for any of the three days I was down there, so I've got no idea if that will happen ever.

So. Uber cool with that, we lost 2 to 1 in the championship, the deciding ballot by 4 points (out of nearly 100). Which was fine with us, because winners have to learn a completely new case and drive down to Texas for the national competition in like a month. Which a lot of us couldn't make due to exams right around then and the fact that we didn't exactly have the cash to drop everything and drive 10 hours down there and get a hotel for what could possibly be only two trials before driving back if we got paired against really good teams at the start. Therefore, though it would have been nice to have the title of first, we did as well as we wanted to.

Anyway. I've got more crap to do about nuclear deterrence and its efficacy as a Cold War strategy (if anyone knows ways I can prove that it was effective, I'm all ears). And I think an entire play I was supposed to have read by today but haven't. Dad just offered for me to take his laptop back to my bedroom (as it got nicked out of there by my sister a few days ago) and type there, so I'm off.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Random: I just found Maggie Doyle/Doris Pickman ER fanfiction. My reaction went something like this: "Holy fuck!" *sits up* "No way!" *excited arm thrashing* *elbow cracks* "Ow."

Anyway. Don't you love that excitement when something like that happens? Doris is this random paramedic who's been on ER since season one in every couple of episodes and is snarky and fun and one of my favorite characters on the show for some bizarre reason, and Maggie was the gun-toting, vegetarian, lesbian doctor whom Carter kept hitting on (played by Jorja Fox). And nobody really knows/pays attention to the former and the latter was only on for a bit before leaving for West Wing, thus I've never found fic for the two of them. Not that I was particularly looking for fic with the two of them, but still. Doris fic.

About an hour before I've got to go start getting ready for mock trial. Gah. Still, nothing like femslash to keep a girl's mind off of having to waste a Friday evening (and having to return early Saturday morning) in a courthouse.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. Internet's been down since early Wednesday, no idea why. Just came back on late this evening. The most annoying bit was that the entire time, the DSL box thingie said it was okay.

Mock trial tomorrow. I find that I don't care at all. In fact, I'm rather pissed about it. I feel like it's cutting off the last days of my vacation. But get this. We've got to go two rounds, one Friday evening and one on Saturday. I figured the one on Saturday would be at a civilized hour. But no. After a week of sleeping poorly (my allergies have been hell these past two weeks, getting worse any time I try to lie down) and not going to bed until 3 or 4 and getting up around noon, I'm supposed to be downtown by 7:45 in the morning? Meaning I'd have to leave home prolly around 7:00 because it takes about half an hour and that time sounds to me like right around rush hour, no? WTF? I don't want to do this in the first place because I'm tired of the case (because it sucked to begin with) and I don't feel like we deserved to make it this far at all. We're only in because some other team dropped out and that cheapens it somehow. The season was supposed to be over in February, we've gone two trials past normal and now we're expected to do this horrible case for two more? It's also futile, not only because we're a totally new team to this (nobody from our school's ever made it to regionals, let alone state, I believe) but because everybody hates the case and is as tired of the whole thing as I am. Plus, I've got a new lawyer for when I'm being a witness and a new witness for when I'm being a lawyer, neither of whom I have practiced with more than once.
Well, shit. I had counted on time on Saturday morning/afternoon to memorize my questions and other lawyery stuff again. Because nobody's touched this in two weeks minimum because we didn't practice over break. In fact, we've only practiced once since regionals (again, because everybody's tired of it) and that was what, three weeks ago? I dunno. I don't like having to do it because stretching it out so long is all but killing it for me.

My face is being a whore. I don't know if perhaps it's from the general allergies that have been killing me lately (though nothing like that's ever happened before) but it's like the entire thing's sunburned. And it's most definitely not, as the only times I've left the house this week have been for a couple of quickish runs to the store. It feels all sensitive and weird. And my cheeks are so killer dry that right along the cheekbone they're bright red and actually all sunburny painful. And then I tried to put lotion stuff on the dry bits and the entire both sides of my face turned bright red and hot and painful and reaction-like. (Of course, this was right before minimed, so I imagine I looked quite entertaining with my hair pulled down in front of my face and bright red peeking out under it. Hurt like a bitch.) This wasn't lotion I'd ever used before, okay, so that's the problem. I tried to wipe off as much as I could in the car on the way to minimed, but no luck stopping/slowing the reaction. It was gone by the time I got home (but the red painful cheekbones weren't) and I tried some moisturizer stuff I had used before and had no problem with, and even as I stood there in front of the mirror my face started to turn red again. I was able to wipe that off quickly enough that it didn't last long, thankfully. But it's bothersome. I don't get why my face is being so sensitive and annoying. You'd think with the anti-histamine stuff I've been taking lately before bed that I would be less likely to have something like this happen, no? Odd.

Minimed was interesting. Bariatric surgery, which I didn't think was at all interesting but ended up being rather intriguing, especially when the doctor lady showed video of an actual lap-band surgery. Which was wicked. But confusing, as the camera was close to whatever was being worked on and it was hard to get a grasp of the big picture with it so close. (I kept being all "So that's the stomach. No, no, liver. That's the stomach? Over in that corner? Umm, okay. Not what they're working on? No? Ahh, they're cutting the hepatogastric ligament. But isn't that, err, helpful in the whole peritoneal membrane thing? No big problems with hernia after? Okay. Whatever you say." I think I needed more explanation than the lady was giving as she narrated along with the video and answered completely random questions at the same time.) The second guy had an interesting title for his lecture (The Hot Zone: Pediatric Infectious Disease), but from that I expected cool diseases that were life-threatening and, you know, cool, especially after hearing that he worked with the Center for Disease Control. Instead it was all about vaccines. He was very much of the opinion that everybody should get vaccines all the time. Which is interesting, because I've been hearing a lot of anti-vaccine stuff from my parents all of a sudden lately. But he wasn't nearly as good of a speaker as the first presenter was, unfortunately. I would have liked to see him with children, as he seemed rather timid the entire time, which I thought could simply be explained by his having to talk in front of people, but he was the same way when I came up after to ask a question.
But then my ride was 30 minutes late and I had to stand outside the building which was annoying and not altogether comfortable as it was downtown at almost 10pm and dark (though the sidewalk I was standing on was lit, thankfully).

Oh, and what the hell is up with the weather? It was 83 degrees-of-the-F-persuasion on Tuesday afternoon. 76 or so tonight at 7pm. It's March, for frak's sake, and we had to turn on the bloody air conditioning on Tuesday. Which is undoubtedly why my allergies have been working overtime lately. Not fun, I say. Not fun at all.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Whoever invented daylight savings time should diediedie. I just started actually getting into some kind of a rhythm where I actually went to sleep at night (though I was still waking up 20 times a night, at least I was going to sleep at a quite early but reasonable hour) and wasn't grotesquely tired in the morning. Well, that's gone.

Not only did I have to get up an hour earlier today (same on Sunday, but it wasn't as bad as I only was up at 7:45ish, meaning it felt like 6:45, which is a bit after when I normally wake up for school), but I had gone to bed only about an hour before that. Miserable. Plus, I didn't have my glasses because I couldn't find them in the morning, so it was impossible to pay attention (I notice that because I can't focus on the teacher or the board or whatever, my ears stop working also), meaning I was even more about to fall asleep. Had to take a bio test this afternoon, probably bombed that as we ended the unit almost a week ago and I hadn't looked at anything since. Definitely did bomb the first half of the chem test, which I know as we graded it in class. I was making stupid mistakes on things I knew the answers to, which was sad for me and indicative of the effect that the bad sleep has on my body.

So. Theatre class hell week is this one and the next. Paper was due Monday, oral presentations (20 minutes, gah!) for how to directorially bring this Beckett play to life on stage are next Monday, portfolio things are due sometime this week or the beginning of next, plus she gave us a new play and wants that read by the beginning of next week. Still not talking to the teacher, anyway, after the whole losing my paper and lying about it and then giving me no credit when I tried to give her another copy thing.

Mock trial. Still have to talk about that at some point, because I want to, and I've got two trials to complain about. Had a meeting Monday, but I couldn't go due to said bio test. Evidently, both my witness for my prosecution direct examination and my lawyer (from regionals, not my original lawyer) when I'm a witness can't go to state.

Did I mention that? We're going to the state competition. Which is cool. But I'm sort of tired of the case by now. It would be much more enjoyable if I didn't hate the case, but by now, I pretty much just want it to be over. Anyway.

State starts the Friday of spring break, right before we come back. People are out of town. And as such can't go. So if I have to train a new witness and a new lawyer (as I had to do once already for the latter), these weeks and the actual trials (we're going to get killed, we know it, as we've practiced maybe eleven times, counting practice trials, total and the kinds of teams we're up against meet every day all year working on these things) are going to be not enjoyable at all. I know we're going to get kicked out right away, I'm totally realistic about that, but I don't want to lose simply because we're doing the third recasting this season.

Yes. So. I have chemistry to learn for this test, math to learn because I totally was caught off guard by both the fact that we had a quiz Monday and everything on said quiz, and a whole lot of english to do--it's a quadruple assignment for this novel: read all 150 pages of the bitch (okay, it's shortish, but annoying), annotate the play (not an unreasonable directive, but I have the feeling that she's the type that wants something written for every sentence, which is), do a journal entry for it analyzing the style and themes and stuff (which she undoubtedly expects to be an exhaustive analysis of the thing), and fill out a worksheet that's essentially just another journal entry. And she expects the two hours of class to be sufficient for all of this work. Moron. I'm not even going to finish reading it, there's no chance. I'm barely forcing my way through the sparknotes right now. Going to finish that (meaning the sparknotes, I'm not messing with anything else) and then go to bed, as yet again, it somehow ended up being almost 4 in the morning without me realizing it.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Grr at my dumb email. I typed up a reply (thankfully, copied it first) then hit post. Yahoo gives me the "This is trying to send stuff outside of Yahoo. That's bad. So, if you really want to send the stuff, click here." And I clicked there. And then Internet Explorer blocked the popup. I tried just posting again, same Yahoo message, but IE didn't get the idea and still blocked it. Then I clicked on that to make it let the popups go, and the page refreshed, and I pasted the stuff back into the box and clicked post and the dumb Yahoo email popped up again and I clicked past that but my dad's dumb Google toolbar blocked it. At that point, I just gave up and opened the comment window to post it on LJ. Crazy. The computer can't block the stuff it should, but blocks the stuff you want.

Yay at vegetarian hot dogs. I don't really like them overmuch; this is the first time I've had them in prolly 4 years, but I was craving them yesterday and bought a pack. And I've had like 4 of them already. Because I get these protein cravings (probably because most of the time I'm rather deficient, being of the vegetarian persuasion) and then have to have a bazillion of the things. So that's fun. But they're goodish for you, I spose, so that's okay.

Mock trial last night was a whole bag/can/bucketful of worms. Didn't go terrifically; we ended up not getting any of the three ballots. There was unfairness at work in that there courtroom, but whatever. I'll bitch about the judge and all of it later.

Friday I get off school at 12:30, which is nice, but unfair as we're getting off so people can go see the final four basketball game or something because our varsity boys' team made it in. Would we have gotten off if varsity girls made it to the final four? I highly doubt it. Swimming or water polo or something did go to state this year, methinks, did we get off for that? No. Still. Early release makes me a happy person, especially considering I'll be at mock trial Thursday night again and not get home until late (I got in around 10 last night, so a similar time, undoubtedly) and so the least amount of school I have to attend after that, the better.

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