commotiocordis: (Seven/B'Elanna)
So, Alexandria needs to learn to stop writing when she's finished with her essay. Idk, I tend to do that a lot on these big tests (just got out of English Language and Composition, but did the same on the Lit test last week); I'll start winding down the essay/that paragraph/whatever, but then either come up with something I've got to get in there or realize that I've got significant amounts of time left and should probably keep going just so I can show off my impressive verbiaging (YES LIKE THAT) some more, and wind back up again. It'd be no problem if I got to use a computer, as I could just cut the wind-down bit and paste it back on again at the end, but when you don't get that option, it ends up sounding a bit strange; you don't want to cross off large bits of writing because that feels like a waste and it does still fit, but it's not what you'd like to have there.

Another reason I want a computer on these things? Writing is messy. My hands are covered in pen. Somehow I managed to get marks (mostly tiny ones, but a couple substantial, looks like I was trying to cross out my own fingerprints type) on 7 out of 10 fingers, plus a large smudge in between two of them that crosses halfway down my palm, LOL. Plus, though I've never actually timed it, I'm pretty sure I type faster by quite a bit.

The biggest reason? Since we've been typing everything since pretty much elementary school, my spelling has become fail, thanks mostly to Word/Word Perfect's auto-correct. At least when you had to go back and change it yourself, you got to see it pulled out at you as wrong and the correction presented. Now, half the time you don't even notice it change. I'm really good at noticing when something doesn't look right, but when it changes it for you, you don't learn how it really is spelled. It's the worst on the easy words where you're just not quite sure about the order of letters or whether there's a silent something in there, because they're the most often autocorrected by the word processing software and you look the stupidest when you get them wrong on an English language essay.

But yes. Now my back and hand hurts from scribbleage. That was tiring. Especially because none of the group of us that didn't take the Lang class really knew what to expect on that. The essay topics were decent; the passage analysis one was easy just because it was straightforward English class stuff, and the two persuasive-y ones were very ACT/SAT-esque: specific topics (and both pretty politicy-related, which let me go to town), provided backup in the form of either the question intro or the documents in the document-based-question one. I liked them a lot more than the stupid minor-character-as-foil prompt on Lit.

The physics homework (really, extra credit, but still; I needed it, and thus it counts as homework) saga last night was not fun, though. Professor had graded our Saturday finals and had the grades up Monday morning, so I expected to be able to find out how many of the stupid busy work assignments (summarizing in one single-spaced page each the chapters of the textbook--for only one point each, fail--seems like the single most pointless assignment in history, no?) I had to do on Monday morning and then I'd have Monday and Tuesday to do them before they were due by 11:55pm Tuesday night. But no. I spent Monday fighting with the professor because he lost my lab calculation sheet and was trying to give me a 40% on one and a 60% on the other, and I was like OHELLNO, SIR. He finally got back to me telling me that he found it, but by now it was Tuesday and I had 10 to get done. I did the first two during the day only to find out that the outline form I was doing them in wasn't acceptable and I had to write it all out prose-style. Gah. After school I had a doctor's appointment, then a picnic for points for my Econ class, so by the time I got home at 5 or so, I still had essentially 10 of these things to go. Did them. For hours. (Got my mum to transform the outline ones into prosyness for me, though, which was nice. I had to go back through and fix bits, since some bits didn't make sense because she didn't know what she was talking about, and one of them was a bit short because she was just adding the barest amount of words possible to un-outline it when it needed flowered up to hit the 1 page mark, but it saved time.) Finally finished right about 11pm, emailed them to him, ran to the gym for an aborted workout (as they close at 12), got home, cooked dinner even though I was already exhausted because I'd gone to bed really late Monday night and got no nap during the day due to all the workage (because doctor's running bloodwork I've got to get stuck for on Saturday or so and I've got to appear semi-healthy on that), ate dinner, then started studying for today's Lang test. Gave up studying, set the alarm for 5:50am so I could do some of it in the morning, work up at 6:30, ate breakfast, ran out the door, got to school, took test. And here I am. Endsaga.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Giving people presents for their anniversaries. Odd, no? I mean, when we're talking a friend of a couple giving them this gift. And for only a 6-month dating anniversary, which doesn't even count as that much of a real thing, IMO (though I don't deny that that's probably a while in the world of datage, I don't have much to base that on/compare it to, so idk).

This is the conversation topic that I overheard on the way to lunch. Someone had done such a thing, presumably, because another friend in the group who were congregated more or less in my way as I attempted to gather my things stated that now she felt bad that she hadn't and was now going to have to go get them something belatedly.

Umm, what? I mean, I understand people within the couple giving each other gifts. And perhaps relatives; my parents are hitting the big 25 years in May, and that means I prolly have to get them something (though more often in our family, the other parent chooses/buys/finances the gift with "help" from the chitlins), and I know that we got my maternal grandparents something (bought into a big screen TV, methinks, with several other of Mum's siblings) when they hit 50 years a bit ago (actually, 5 years ago--a group of overzealous aunts and uncles have begun to plan the 55th party for this summer, last I heard, which the remaining aunts and uncles aren't so much looking forward to as not as that means having to buy a more expensive present for the anniversary on top of traveling somewhere for the party, since nobody's in the same geographical region anymore).

But friends buying other friends anniversary gifts? This seems stupid. Is this the custom now? Have I just been missing out because most of my friends don't date? A 6-month dating anniversary, while probably a big thing to the couple, seems to deserve a pat on the back and a "Congratulations" more than a gift from everyone else.

In other news. I was up late last night because I was in a Spring-y mood. I was looking for bright and fun and Springish clothing--prolly inspired by the fact that I hit up Goodwill yesterday afternoon and tried on a couple of Spring/Summer-y dresses just because they were there and in my size and pretty (one that was striped pastel blue and green, and floor-length with a good amount of slink but still not overly formal; the other was green paisley/ivy/floral patterns on a white, spaghetti-strap halter that hit just above the knees). I really wanted an excuse to buy the first one--I was seriously considering getting it to wear to church on Easter like you do when you're little, but I didn't have enough money neither on me nor to justify buying a dress (though it was only like $5) that I would only wear once.

But yes. Lunch just ended, so postus interruptus yet again. Fail.

I had spent most of the evening re-reading La Dama del Alba for the Spanish test over it today, so I got to the gym really late, so I got back really late (pushing midnight, actually, after I stopped at the grocery store because I’ve got coupons that are pushing the expiration date but then turned it into a worthless trip when I decided not to buy anything yesterday since it’s $10 off of $50 day today and I can make the parentals use the coupons for veggies and such and lump it in with enough other things to get the extra discount) , and then I messed around trying on clothes, and then I made dinner, and then I messed around with more clothes. And watched Canterbury’s Law. While painting my nails to matchish the shirt I decided on (the “hippy on acid” shirt). Which was hard, because I fail at nail painting simply because I don’t think I’d need my toes to count the number of times I’ve done it since. . . elementary school. Plus, the nail-biting makes it harder still, because you’re all like “Oh, but this is not nail but rather finger.” But they’re this shiny pastel blue color that has purple glimmery bits that you see when it hits the light. With a purple failstripe (I spent so long trying to make them even sized, but the purple nail polish was that gooey kind of old that makes it impossible to do anything but gunk it on) down each thumb for fun. Makes me smile, anyway.

But then I look at the clock and realize that I’ve managed to just totally lose track of time because it’s 3:30 or so in the morning and I’ve still got to clean up stuff from dinner and the popcorn I made after eating dinner (hard to reach into a bag of popcorn with wet nails, btw). So I didn’t hit bed until a good 4am. Which hurt me in English today, because we were just reading an pseudo-epic poem aloud, thus not very engaging, thus sleep provoking. And now I’m just bored, because my econ quiz took all of 3 minutes (literally—and then the next person didn’t finish for another 7 minutes or so, which freaked me out a bit in that “did I skip a page?” kind of way) and now we’re doing nothing (they’ve turned on one of the college basketball games, and as basketball is one of those sports that I care absolutely nothing for, as with collegiate sports in general, the all-but-three in the class male population’s enthusiasm is extremely annoying), and as I have nothing after this, there’s no purpose in my being here and not being home eating my last grapefruit and getting ready for nappage goodness.

I really want that grapefruit now. The econ teacher’s got popcorn out that she said we could have, but it’s that kind that comes in a bag like a bag of chips and is fake!greasycheesybuttery and not worth the calories, so I’m not hitting that.

They’re shouting about the basketball game again. *le sigh*
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Blood donation. This was a fun saga. I got asked to do it by the teacher that runs the Saturday Scholars (fake!minimed) because the people that were supposed to did a crap job of promoting it and so practically nobody was signed up. Plus, I asked my econ teacher about these “professional development” points we had to have (50 per quarter—I’ve never even gotten close to that number, but last quarter I only got 15, which hurt my grade, so I’m trying to make up for it this quarter) and she said she’d give us 5 for donating. Never hurts to ask was the lesson there, even if it is only 5 out of the . . . 85 or so that I need to cover this quarter’s number and last quarter’s deficit (because I think we can do that—I know you can pay points forward, I’m not sure if it works the same way backwards, but methinks it should).

Anyway, I was planning to go during English class (because I forgot we had weirdo triple reading over the weekend and barely finished—even though I totally half-assed the second half of it—the uberlong double helping of To The Lighthouse, totally forgetting that he’d tacked on “Mr. Bennett and Mrs. Brown”), but Character Council had a meeting then, so I got out of English anyway. Got to talk for a bit in there about the abortion protesters that were outside the school on Friday and sort of set people straight—whatever I may feel about the issue, and however poorly they may have chosen to present their side (they had posters with graphic dead, cut-up babies on them outside a school), they were perfectly within their rights to do so. They were careful to stay on public land, and from everything I saw were perfectly respectful to everybody—which is much, much more than I can say for everyone towards them. Was tagged to be one of the people that helps when the national character evaluator peoples come around in April because the asst. principal in charge of it knows/likes me, which is cool. And the head principal (who came to the Saturday Scholars presentations over the weekend, which was nice of him) pulled me forward for having done that and made everybody clap, which was not necessary but smile-worthy all the same.

So that was that. Worked on this econ project in AII, almost finishing that up (because I didn’t know how much my partner ended up planning on doing, so I just did everything I could for it in the time that I had—we ended up partially doubling on one thing, but most of the project hadn’t been done until I did it, so twas a good thing).

Then biology. We were just finishing a lab I’d already gotten done (with much time to spare) last week, so that wasn’t a big deal. Though I think we may have a test tomorrow, so must ask about that. Anyway. This is when I went to do the blood donating stuffs.

I get down there, sign in, wait around a bit, spell my name, tell the lady my weight, give her my social security number, etc. We move on to pulse. She takes it. Calls another lady over to check. Evidently, mine was too low. This is weirdness, but I feel it and she’s right. I sort of pump it up a little bit with my mind, and it’s up enough to be okay by the time the second lady takes it, so we’re past that hurdle. Still. Idk how to feel about having a resting pulse of 48 (and not even that resting—I’d been sitting for a few minutes, but before that had walked across campus through the nastycoldwet that is the current weather); I don’t think my workouts are enough to make my heart that good, LOL.

She found my blood pressure to be significantly higher than the last two times I’ve taken it (though admittedly, I was about to get blood sucked out of my arm, so perhaps with reason), but I wasn’t so sure about the number she got. You can feel the point when your artery opens and closes and the blood flow is stopped/resumes, you know? And I was looking at the sphygmo, like I always do, and I don’t think it was that high when I felt it. Plus, with the issues that later came to light, it made even less sense. (Note how I totally avoid spoiling you here in order to maintain the suspense.)

Now comes the finger-prick float test for hemoglobin. This is the one that I was most worried about failing, because I don’t get a whole lot of iron in my regular diet. Red meat’s got too many calories for my comfort—I’m a fish and poultry kind of girl when it comes to meat, but egg whites if you give me a choice of protein, so not much there. I’d been stocking up, though; Mum donates platelets all the time, so she’s got iron pills that she takes for a few days before she goes, and I’d been doing the same. The lady had some trouble getting me to bleed enough (portent #1) and had to do much squeezage of the finger to get enough blood up the little tube to drop it in the solution, but when she did, it dropped like a rock. Well, not quite like a rock. It was still kind of slow, but it went straight down (none of this “within 15 seconds” stuff) and didn’t come back up. I was impressed with myself.

And then there is movage to the little cot. Where I hang out. It’s the period in which everybody takes their lunch (which I missed entirely due to this endeavor, so I’m significantly peckish right now) so we’re shuffling blood-taking people around and going on breaks and such. It took a while there. They didn’t like the antecubital on my right arm, and though they were going to try to stick it anyway, I could tell that the (different) lady didn’t think she could make it, so I sucked it up and gave her my left, which has a better AC. More waiting, preparation stuff, the stick (which wasn’t that bad). Wiggling of the needle, bad. But then it was taped on and I was good. Except I kept trying to cross my legs, which evidently is not allowed. And that the lady was a bitch—she explained nothing about what I was supposed to be doing/what was going on (the latter being something which I think we’ve established I’ve got problems with), and then sniped at me when I moved my arm around too much after she marked the vein (scraping my arm hard enough with the pen to draw blood while doing so, btw) and later when I wasn’t or was squeezing the ball when I was/wasn’t supposed to. I was all “Okay, then how about you tell me what you want me to do rather than have me guess at it all?”

This is le part one. The busses are here, so tis time to be with the leaving for home (and lunch). Will resume later (prolly evening, because I was up too late with the dog last night trying to get him to shut up and take his medicine and not pee on the floor and thus need significant quantities of nap).
commotiocordis: (QPicard)
Otherwise, things went well. The weather is shitty, which makes my hips hurt, plus I hadn't eaten in a while, so I made my workout on the shorter end today, but still within my acceptable range. Had my Spanish homework done, got not only all the points but the bonus on the Spanish vocabulary quiz, peer edited somebody's paper in English that made me confident that mine was at least the second-worst in the class, and (since I didn't really have anything to do during my free periods since I won't be there tomorrow) read a lot of fic in my breaks.

When I got home, the phone was ringing off the hook, which was annoying as all get out, but it turned out to be a school about a scholarship I got (it was a bit embarrassing there, though, as she was like "So you're in, and you got our highest scholarship!" and I was all "Thanks! *recalls applying to your school but cannot remember where you are or if there was any particular reason why I did so*" and then the people from the car place telling me that I should have the car back by late Tuesday afternoon. Plus, turns out that the chicken that was in the fridge yesterday was saved for me, so I had a salad for dinner and that was good. Andplusagain, I'd asked Dad to get one kind of ice cream a few days back, which it turned out the store he went to didn't have, but he went out and bought me the fat-free minty ice cream sandwiches I wanted and picked up some caramel rice cakes at the same time yesterday, so yay for healthy non-health food.

I'm going to be at school for our awards breakfast tomorrow, then leaving for this health fair thing, which I'm excited about. On both counts. And then a dinner and awards thing (not actually awards for me, but they want our group of awardy-people to parade around for the younger persons so they can say "this is what you must be") on Wednesday night which is also cool.

And LOLOLZ, this teacher thing is hard. I just spent about an hour and a half typing up a 4-page test for my dad's class (because they added things and moved them around and such). I wanted to just scan in the bits that didn't need changed (as there were large blocks that did not), but I figured that it would take about the same amount of time fussing with the scanner as typing it. I was wrong. The formatting's the hard part. How much space do you leave for the answers? Stuff like that.

Speaking of the weather. Just a letter to the people who plow the roads:

Dear Road Plower People.
Did you decide that plowing the roads that lead to my house was for losers or something? Fail.
Alexandria
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Maybe you heard about this Kirkwood shooting last night.

Yeah. Thanks for waking me up, sirs, as every police truck and news helicopter sped past my house on the way there (as that's the division of the county I'm right on the border of). That was annoying. There comes a point where adding more police there will only cause more of a problem, wouldn't you say? I was joking at one point that it was all probably just a rumor (because the news was all "OMGWTF, but unconfirmed") set by somebody in the next city so they could go rob banks while every cop in Missouri was hanging around down there.

Watched Juno last night. Wasn't overly impressed. It was decent, but I don't think I'd pay to see it again or anything.

Took a shower in the middle of watching Juno (I was watching it at home, obviously). Because I had to go to the bathroom when I was about halfway through, and figured why bother having to go back there twice. And since my bathtub is a failure at draining the water from the shower, I was like "Well, why not just turn it into a bath" because I've been feeling shitty lately and baths are amazing for that kind of thing. And it was uber relaxing and great. Until I fell asleep, LOL. Several times. This didn't stop the relaxage in itself, but I finally had to get out when my head rolled to the side, putting my face partially into the water and I woke myself up by snorting up bathwater. That's my story of the night.

But updates on the last (or second to last? I don't remember) whiny rantage. Jackass teacher who I thought was going to stop me from getting the academic award again? Nope. Got my invitation to the award breakfast today. Which is good, because the t-shirts they're giving out this year are actually pretty cool, though idk if I can get one since they were given out last semester, but I wanted to be able to try. Plus, test for said jackass teacher? Managed to pull out not just an A, but a 100%. Which is win. Plus, big English paper that was due today is now due Monday (hence my being even semi-coherent at this hour--or even typing this at all, as I'd probably be still finishing it). Glands are still painfully swollen, though, which is confusing and not win, nor is sudden and drastic weight gain that I'm blaming on sleeping through the gym hours night before last (because, erm, I actually ate a lot less to make up for said non-gym going, so there's really no excuse). Still. Today should be good.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Criminal Minds)
Holy. Shit.

Big bio freakout a while back? The 13%? I was feeling shitty and decided that I might as well figure out what my grades are because it really couldn't make me feel any worse, so I logged on and opened them up. Turns out, with what I've got right now, I'm at a B- for quarter. Fuck yes.

And that's with the 7 huge zeros. Not even on the small stuff, no, these are two labs (both done but never turned in because I'm a wussy), two sets of workbook pages (see previous), and a couple of random little assignments from in class on days I wasn't there (that I didn't have the nerve to go ask about).

I'm turning in one of the labs tomorrow. (LOL, if I get it done--just opened up the file I've got and this one doesn't have the conclusion or evaluation, though I'm pretty sure I did those at one point. Grr for having to stay up later.) That should help it even more. Basically, I don't bomb this, I've got a B for semester, which is way better than I expected.

English (essay over Emily Dickenson) and Biology (hence the lab turning in) finals are tomorrow. Not excited about either one as we've really done no work to prepare for either. Well, tons of work on the Dickenson, but none in such a way that I feel prepared to write an essay over it. He threw us into the deep end on this one, as all of us that didn't have him last year have never really critiqued poetry before and have been essentially making it up the whole time.

More grade examinations. Shit, 81% in Spanish. (Hmm. Evidently failed to make up a quiz in there at some point.) And the final in there is a big chunk, too. I've really got to do well on that one. The english grades bit isn't working so much as not--he's got it set up differently and as I don't know what things are weighted and there's no final score, I don't know what I've got in there. Everything else is decent, I suppose.

LOL, grades. I hate these babies. If I play my cards right, no Cs this semester, but it really kills me to know that if I just turned in/made up my damned work, I'd prolly have As all the way across.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
For safety. Plz to be ignoring, is only public so I don't have to fool around with logging in if I need it in some kind of rapidy haste.

Read more... )
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Have any of you read Midnight's Children? I rather like it, and as anybody who's read some of my fic/writing/whatever knows, I'm prone to using his same stream-of-consciousness writing from time to time, but never more so than right after (meaning within half an hour or so) of trying to finish up the book. It's hilarious, simply because though I'd use that kind of writing in a fic, and probably even more often when I'm just writing notes for myself, but writing it for something I have to translate into a coherent oral presentation is just dumb, but I didn't even really realize that I was doing it.

Seriously:

He is the one more than three, in the crumbling tower where time seems to stop and speed up simultaneously and he is immune from the war, he’s the bomb in Bombay, separate immune above the natural rules of English of time he is one more than three, not the past present or future, but commenting detailing recording them all from his perch in this time-ignoring bubble imposed upon him by the weight of history he feels has been thrust upon him by his status as a surviving midnight’s child

I can't say that. Well, I could, and I probably would if I weren't being graded on aforementioned coherence. Ahh. To translate, go I.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
It is hard to type the notes for this presentation that I should have written weeks ago when my keyboard is being a whore. The 's' and spacebar are being the worst, and it's really quite frustrating, because I've got to pry up the spacebar every time I want to hit space again, and that's only if it hasn't stayed spacing the entire time. Which happens.

Gah.

I'm pretty sure it's my fault, too, from when I knocked my water cup over on it the other day. Which makes it worse. I already pried up both keys in question and tried to clean out some of the dog hair and smeg underneath, which helped for a while, but it went right back to sticking.

And I made the mistake of telling my bio teacher that I could make up the test 1st hour today (instead of 7th), which means I don't have my normal first open period to get all my notes in order.

I have the feeling that most of this presentation is going to be done extemporaneously.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
LOL, time budgeting.

I've got a Spanish test, an English test, an economics quiz, a biology test that was evidently yesterday (I thought it was today) that the teacher might make me make up in class today, and my midterm paper due for my Advanced Independent Investigations course that I've got two pages left to write for.

And no time to study (for the first)/learn from scratch (second through fourth)/write (fifth).

I've pretty much given up, though, because beyond the Spanish, anything else I've got to do today is just going to automatically be shit. Spanish I may have a chance on, though I've not studied, as I more or less know the material. I can pull a C at least. And I've got lunch to quickly read over the economics (that evidently she taught yesterday? Idk, but we really haven't learned anything since the last test, so what it's over is beyond me), though I don't know what exactly to read and would have to just guess. And I suppose there's the tiniest chance in the world that I can BS 2 pages of AII paper if she lets me turn it in after school (though I'd almost rather not turn it in and just take a grade bump, because I really like this teacher and don't want her to see the shitty, sickness-fueled, frantic writing that is what I have so far and the extent of what I'd be able to pull off during the day). Let's be realistic. I couldn't finish two pages of the AII paper even if I didn't have all this other stuff to study for/do. Bio? No chance. English? Still haven't reread that book. If he makes me finish the essay (it's a two day test thing) after school, I'm screwed. If I can make the second day of the essay be Monday, I may have a chance to figure out what to say over the weekend.

To add insult to injury, sometime while I was sleeping last night, I pulled a muscley-type-something in the groinish area of my left leg. IH how I manage to injure myself even in my sleep.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Oh, and funny story.

My dad and I work out together, as you know, and we were there tonight when, right before we left, I told my dad to get on the squat machine thing because I was curious as to how much weight he could do. He sits down, leaving the machine right where the setting was when we walked over (290 lbs), and does a few reps.

He then dares me to. I figure, no way. I do 50 reps of 150 on that thing every (or almost every--sometimes I wimp out and go for 130) day I go, but that's nearly double what I normally do.

I sit down, and to my surprise, I had very little problem with it. I stopped after 5 reps simply because my back was being pressed into the seat so hard by the pushing force that it was quite uncomfortable, but my legs were barely feeling anything.

This is huge. I mean, that's a tiny bit less than twice my weight. I feel strong now.

I'm wearing one of the 6 or so sweaters I got on Sunday when the school that works out of my church (some independent thing) was in the process of tearing down the leftovers from a garage sale in the gym (where volleyball is) , and said that whatever was left was free. Sadly, most all of the nice pants and shoes didn't fit me, but I grabbed all the sweaters I could. Because though they're normally not my style (as most tend to be baggy in all the wrong places and generally not flattering, plus I'm usually warm anytime I'm out somewhere), I'll make an exception for free clothing. The one I've got on is knitted out of this beautiful mixed blue and green yarn and is probably my favorite just for that reason, even though the sleeves are all baggy.

And I'm not sure if I have an eye doctor appointment tomorrow or not. Because I'm scheduled to, but according to whatever statement (or some such document) we just got, the insurance hasn't been updated to cover us yet and is only on my mum. So idk. I like the glasses I have so much that I don't really want to go in there and have them say that I need a totally new prescription (which I'm pretty sure is going to happen) and make the old ones worthless. I wouldn't mind new frames, since with the insurance they'll be virtually free (when mum went, she only paid for the fact that she got those Transitions sunglass/regular glass lenses and no-line bifocals) and it'd be nice to have a spare, so it'd be okay if they were only a little different. I'd consider just putting new lenses in the old frames, but technically speaking, the old ones have been broken since I got them--the holes for the screws that hold the earpieces in have been stripped out since the day I got them, resulting in wobbly ear pieces and no real way to fix it. So yes. I don't know if I'm even going, because if the insurance isn't on, I don't really need new ones.

Idk how I'm going to fit everything in tomorrow, though. I've got the eye doctor (possibly), I've got to read Heart of Darkness (because I've been scraping through english on the fact that I read it ages ago, but I've got to write an in-class essay on Thursday, so I desperately need to reread it), I'm supposed to go volunteer at the Democratic party office downtown, and I need to start my midterm paper for AII that's due Friday, as MiniMed prevents me from doing much on Thursday without being miserable and up all bloody night. And at some point I should hit the gym, because I've been trying to go every day (as much as I can, with class and minimed and work and such) lately, and Wednesday is one of my usual days from even before the every day thing. Ahh, life around midterms. Why do you enjoy breaking my head so?
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Just now barely halfway done (and that's if I'm remembering the word requirement right). *headdesk*

And my arthritis is being horrible right now. It's mostly due to the fact that I've been sitting here for hours, only getting up to see if the Diet Dr. Pepper I put in the freezer this afternoon and forgot about has thawed yet, but it's making it impossible to concentrate on finishing this paper.

(Though if anybody's on and wants to read what I've got, let me know. I'm curious if this one paragraph is even coherent.)
commotiocordis: (QPicard)
This is one of my favorite quotes from a fic ever. I found it whilst looking through my email for the beginning of this paper that I'm totally stalling on (that I'm pretty sure I don't have, and thus will have to start from scratch, hence the really not wanting to actually write and accept that the 1/3 of the paper I'd already done is gone).

There are moments in a person's life that remind them why they do what they do every day. Over and over; fighting each minute to live in an existence that will ultimately lead to the point of death. These moments come few and far between, and all too often we are so caught up in the inane, everyday details, that they pass us by before we have the chance to grab them, take hold with both hands, and suck every last ounce of joy or pain they contain. Moments that add small pieces to the vast, intricate puzzle that will define how we live and perceive the rest of our lives.

But sometimes; all too rarely, but just sometimes, there is something about the way you wake up, or the way you comb your hair, or the way your spine shivers for no apparent reason at all, that can alert us to the approach of such a moment. A warning that enables us to anticipate; to record, memorize, every touch, taste, smell, feeling and emotional response.

It is these times when we think to ourselves: "This is what's it's all about, this is how it should be, this is why I have fought so hard for so long. This is what makes it all worthwhile. Ah, yes; I remember now. . . ."


Willing to Fight: Came and Conquered by Sam T. Eliot

I mean, *gah*. It's just so. . . right. And to think that this author didn't continue the WtF series, with writing like that.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. Wednesday? Fail.

I guess I've got to start out with the night before, which I spent staying up way later than I should have considering I had a cold, only half a root in one of my teeth, massive drugs pumped into me to keep me from noticing that I only had half a root in one of my teeth, etc. I had biology, and I thought I had english (turns out it wasn't due until today, though), and I had to write this campaign speech/essay thing for my econ class's representative to the marketing club spot (a short one, but I have heaps of trouble writing things that are self-promoting already so it actually took me the longest, added to by the fact that I was on pain killers). I finally finished everything but the english, realized it wasn't due until Thursday, and went to bed. Around 2:30 or so, I guess.

I'm still in pain from this whole root canal escapade, so in the morning, I took one of the vicodin that the dentist prescribed. A whole one again this time (I took a whole to get me through the night, but before I was doing halfs every three hours).

After a little while? ('Bout half way through first hour, I'd guess.) Started noticing it. Like, in a "Oh, I think this means that I'm high" way. While I was trying to get some work done. Not very conducive to that. Twas also when I realized that for the second chapter in a row, I'd forgotten one of the huge biology assignments at home. Which is a huge point dock that I can't afford.

2, 2.5 hours after taking it (and right in the middle of Spanish class) I started getting both v. v. hot and nauseous. So I'm sitting there, trying to get my mind to cut through the nausea long enough to come up with the answer to whatever he's asking (because he hadn't called on me in a while, which meant that I was coming up) plus possibly how to ask if I could go to the bathroom/nurse (both easy when I'm not high/sick, but when I am, almost impossible), all while breathing like I'm back on the nitrous to try and quash the nausea.

Next class, english: the hotness hadn't gone away but the nausea had gone down a bit. I get called down to the office for them to ask me if I'd done my make up hours for last year yet. Erm, yeah. In fact, I turned them in the second day of school. I was in fact complemented by the principal for being the first person to turn them in this year. Not only that, but they'd called me down at least twice before so far this year to ask the same question (and caught me and asked when I was in another office working on getting a parking pass). My answer has always been yes, guys. If you lost the papers, let me know and I can get a new set. (I handed them right to you while you were sitting at the computer you could enter them into, but whatever.) Because I'm hanging out in a teacher's room when I'm not scheduled to be on campus, I'm actually working two of them off a day. Considering I only had four to make up to begin with, I've actually got a surplus of about 30 hours or so. So I'd appreciate if you would quit disturbing me, because it's pissing all my teachers off. A bit later, I (and a bunch of other people this time, but still) get called down from the same class for pictures for this award thing. One of the worst days to take pictures of me, I'd think, as if I felt anything like I looked, it was pretty bad. Though TCAB gave me this look/smile thing that made the elementary school girl-esque part of me blush trufax hard and the more adult side spend the entire walk back to class analyzing it.

And then right about noon, the vicodin had completely worn off. *headdesk* A mate offered me half of her peanut butter sandwich, and I forgot and bit it with my left side, and I think my head practically exploded.

12:40 or so, I take some of the acetaminophen (I had re-stolen from my siblings) before economics. Which then sucked. Not only did it turn out I made a bunch of stupid mistakes on the exam the day before by not reading the questions (it asks "which one isn't", and I mark the first one that is without reading the rest of the choices, stuff like that), but the whole class representative thing (that I signed up for only because I figured it'd look good on the resume, but still) was being postponed. The teacher said she didn't remember announcing to the class that you needed to write said essay and get it to her before 7:30 (even though she did announce it) after the other girl that had declared her intention to run for the spot spent the first 10 minutes of class arguing with the teacher about how she didn't "understand why you'd need to tell people why they should vote for you, why can't they just vote?" and about how "1/2 page is so long for something they don't even need!"

And this other girl? The popular whorish type. Basically, my only chance was for her not to actually turn in the essay (which she didn't), but instead of my just automatically winning (like happened with the secretary and social chair positions), the teacher decided they had another day to turn them in. So, since she's giving us the extra day, what if I decided that I wanted to run for secretary? No, those didn't get pushed back because. . . I don't fucking know. I told the teacher that that was bloody unfair, and she tried to justify it (saying that she didn't think she'd announced it, Katie and I told her she did, she said oh well), and then actually managed to track me down to my next class and call me in there (I have no idea how she did it, as I'm not even supposed to be on campus then, but I hang out in one teacher's room anyway so I can take the bus home, which is not on my schedule) to try and "justify" herself some more. I don't even know what exactly she said (though I know it was more of the same and nothing she didn't mention in class), because I was pissed off and in pain and stressed out and damn near tears because of everything.

So yes. Then I just hung out on the computer until the end of the day, working on application stuff, and then I had to go practice with quartet (and sucked, because I hadn't rosined my bow in like evar and didn't think about it to borrow somebody else's because I used to use such strong rosin that I didn't need to more than every few weeks). And then had to leave that early for this conference call because I was on the grant reviewing panel for this Youth Service America organization.

And so I was running around, trying to find a telephone that's not somewhere where siblings will be loud and that actually works (ruling out like all of them), and I finally gave up and got ready to use the main one and just hope nobody decides to turn up the TV when I ran my tongue over my tooth again and decided "Huh. Maybe I should figure out why that feels weird all of a sudden." *looks in the mirror* ZOMGWTF. "MOM, WE'VE GOT TO GO TO THE DENTIST NOW!" The temp filling they gave me? Gone. (Once dad explained to me what it really was, how they expected that to stay for a month until my next appointment baffled my mind. I mean, it's the same stuff marketed in drugstores to fix things until you can get to an emergency dentist appointment, meaning maybe a day at the most.) There's just a gigantic hole in the middle of that tooth.

So I call the dentist, and it's about 5:15 and they're about to close. The nice tech lady from the day before got put on the line (she actually remembered me, which made me feel special, though it was prolly because I was something like the youngest patient to get a root canal evar), and I explained what was wrong, and she was all "When do you go to school?" and I told her, and it was too early to get me in the next day, but since it had to be done, she's all "Do you think you can get here in the next 10 minutes?" And I did (she actually recognized me right when I walked through the door, which made me smile), and everybody else was packing up and leaving, but she stayed and scraped all the old fakeyfilling out (makes me think she's perhaps more of a nurse type than a tech, but idk how the dentistry chain of command works) and put in new stuff (the real kind this time, so it should actually stay, though they'll have to drill it out in October). PLUS SHE ACTUALLY ANSWERED MY QUESTIONS AGAIN, SO I HEREBY APPOINT HER DENTIST AND TELL THE OTHER PEOPLE TO GO AWAY. Another tech/nurse/whatever lady stayed and helped her too, which was nice. And then I didn't have to pay anything (which surprised me, because medicalish places always try to tack on as much stuff as they can--I remember last time my mum was in to have a baby it was all "Adhesive bandage. $7. Pain reliever. $14." for a band-aid and a couple of Tylenol, respectively). I totally missed the panel call, though, which I feel horrid about. I was the only person on the panel that didn't actually work for the organization, and I was pretty excited about doing it.

I got home around 6, and by this time the cold that I'd thought I'd gotten over (that's been coming back and going away repeatedly over the last few days) was back in full swing, plus I'd only gotten a couple hours of sleep the night before, so I went to take a nap. Woke up when I had set my alarm for, around 10:30 so I could get my dad's help on this Shakespeare thing I had to do for english, felt even worse (fever was back), and so decided to just go back to sleep when I still could (you know how you have that grace period sometimes for a few minutes after you wake up and you know that you won't be able to go to sleep if you don't right then?). Woke up this morning in tooth pain plus sore throat/headache/runny nose/the works and, randomly, a stomach ache (prolly from the cold, though, and drainage or whatnot), having had nothing done the night before and the prospect of facing all the crap today, and so decided to stay home.

And that's my story. /lol.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So, when this theatre thing says "approximately 3000 words in length", am I going to get knocked off for it being much closer to 4000? Because this is even without a lot of the stuff that I had intended to put in there; it's maybe 2/3 of all the stuff I wrote over the semester and a half so far.

Edit: Well, damn. You know it's late when I was somehow thinking that I was only 100 words over, and not 1000. That is way too much. *starts trimming*

Ah, bugger it. I've been actually working on it for about 3 hours, more or less straight, so that's impressive. Because a lot of what I first wrote was rambly as I was writing about the rehearsal I was observing as it was going on and such, so I had to not only type a bazillion pages worth of crap but fix and rewrite it all too.

Now onto the math. Grr. As I don't know how I'm supposed to do this thing as it gives us a bunch of data and I know the type of equation I'm supposed to extrapolate (it's half-life of a malaria drug), but my calculator won't do that. So, umm, I'm just going with the best thing the calculator can give me. Because I still have a lot of history to learn (as he didn't frakking teach anything, as usual), a bio lab to finish, and a 3 paragraph english thing to write after that. The only one that actually might get done tonight (as it has to) being the math, however. Everything else can be done shittily in the morning or during the day.

Last day before spring break, though, yay for that. After this, it's mostly all review for finals and such in my harder classes, and all the major paper type things are done save one more in English, I think. Good.

Staying awake purely thanks to the power of Diet Dr. Pepper and slightly stale popcorn. (It shouldn't be stale as I only made it last night and this stuff lasts forever because it's made in the actual popcorn machine type thing, but it rained late last night and was horridly humid both inside and out and that killed it slightly. Still tastes good, just have to chew it longer.)
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Quote of the Day:

"Don't let faux Klingons send real Americans to war."
David Wu (D-Oregon), 10 January 2007 address to US House of Representatives.

Yeah. Made me laugh. Found the bit of his speech on youtube; he starts off referencing those books that call Bush's support the Vulcans, and ends up saying that they're Klingons, not Vulcans, and fake Klingons at that.


Had a nightmareish thing Friday night. There was a bunch of stuff in it and for some reason a lot of it was set in my old elementary school, but the basic deal was that I didn't have my 20 minute speech prepared for theatre on Monday. Well, it's not looking good in real life.

I had planned to work on it on Saturday, but I've been sick all of a sudden and so I didn't feel well and then we went TV shopping and when I got home on Saturday I was too tired to do much. Friday was spent finishing reading the damn play, finishing watching the movie of said damn play (because we've been taught so little that I've got no idea how to express what I want on stage and I hoped that the movie would help me out in that area a bit), moping around feeling sick and watching DS9 episodes while sprawled out in bed, and then working. Now I'm back, just finished finishing watching the play, but am really too tired to do anything. Problem is that even though I'm legitimately sick enough to not show up tomorrow, this is a one day, no extensions, no nothing type of deal that gets recorded and sent off to wherever to be graded as part of the eighty-someodd dollars I spent as registration (the money being for said grading, truly). Man, this is definitely the most expensive class I'm taking this year. No kidding. I've spent (or should have spent, a couple of times I managed to get in free somehow), not counting the registration money, more than $30 going to see plays and such.

Back to the TV shopping. My mum bought some entertainment center thing (which I always used to think meant TV and stereo and DVD player and such, but really is just the cabinet for some dumb reason) and mixed up our entire front room, and me being so vehemently anti-change freaked out and told her that it looked horrid (it makes the whole room off center as the TV's now way off to the left and the new focal point of the room is this patch of bare wall in the middle where the molding at the bottom was ripped off right after everything got moved in order to replace it for some reason) and she yelled at me for being so negative (true, but it really did look bad) and completely irrationally and mostly because I was pissed at my mum, I then refused to go into the front room for a day and a half (or really just 20 hours or so, excepting the couple of times I averted my eyes as I had to go through to get a drink or something). We get to Saturday and my brother brings home two disks of the Deep Space Nine season two DVDs, and I'm trying to get them to play, but the TV just has fuzz on the input channel when it should be playing them. I fiddle with the cords, trying every combination, but neither DVD nor VHS input is working. My brother phrases something poorly and mum jumps on me for blaming her (when I hadn't even said a bloody thing, where's the fair in that), and I go back into my room to start reading some of the Beckett crap I got from the library. Later, I hear that shortly after that the whole TV display went out; it quit working for regular TV too, not just input things. So my dad and I then spend nearly two hours between CompUSA (as they're moving all the stores out of our city and as such we figured they might have cheapy TVs, and they were all 15% off, but they only had big flat screen things that were hugely expensive to begin with, so we moved on) and Best Buy, end up getting one from the latter. Which was no easy task, as we finally find a good and semi-reasonably priced one, but then they can't find the one that they've supposedly got in stock. Turns out that they don't have one, but then I ask if we could get the display one, because I really liked that one and it was the only one that had decent picture and would fit in said new entertainment center cabinet and wasn't a bazillion dollars. They say yes, but then they can't find a remote and don't have a box, so we're fiddling around with that, finding out if universal remotes will work (they said only one brand would, but luckily we brought it home and found out they were wrong and the cheapy kind we have does) and such. Da talks them down like $50, which was impressive (though half of it was in gift card form, annoyingly). He's really good at that, because he worked in retail for a while and just always asks. Most people have no idea that you can do that, or at least I figure my entire generation doesn't, but he says that there's always a lot of wiggle room with price and most of the time if you're looking at the right stuff you can get them to knock it down a little, especially if it's the last one in stock and there's no remote/box/documentation like with the TV. Anyway. Oh, and the guy selling it to us was rather nice looking and called my dad Sir. I love that.

We bring this TV home and plug it in and it's nearly 10:30, but I start watching the "Endgame" movie before going to bed. Wake up this morning and mum's bitching about how it takes like 5 seconds to change channels. Which it does, which is annoying as hell. She wants it taken back now, though, as supposedly TVs are like 2/3 or half that price around Christmas. I'm all "So, we're supposed to not have a TV until Christmas?" *shakes head* I dunno. Odd stuff, my mum lately. I decided this time that it's some odd Freudian shit. She's subconsciously afraid that I'm going to challenge her for her position as alpha-female, and as such is pre-emptively striking at me out the wazoo. That or she's just PMSing. I'm wagering it's a combo of the two. But my da says that his mum and sisters did the same thing, which is what makes me go towards the former. Even though I think Freud is a chauvinist pig, I do see where he gets his ideas.

Anyway. A good 30 minutes or so wasted typing this that I could have spent figuring out what the hell I'm going to talk about for 20 minutes tomorrow. I'm prolly going to make most of it up on the spot. Whatever. I was all uber, uber depressed Friday and to a slightly lesser extent (meaning that I wasn't actively thinking about how I wanted to kill myself, but still just as bad all the same) on Saturday, and right now I've now got the 'still really depressed in general but at this present moment in time closer to apathy than wrist-slitting' thing going on. Which suggests to me that dumb medicine isn't working, but on the off chance it is, I started the new pack today instead of waiting until Wednesday because I didn't feel like being miserable if it could be helped.

I'm probably going to go to sleep now if I can (I had a horrid time going back to sleep after I woke up after aforementioned nightmare on Friday just because I was thinking about how I might not get it prepared well; without having it prepared really at all at this point I dunno if I'll be able to sleep, but we can hope). I'm gonna set my alarm for a few hours from now, wake up and try to work on it then when I'm not just thinking about how tired I am. Hopefully my stupid stomach won't be bugging me as much then.

Oh, and if any of you haven't read yet and get the chance to read "Chronicle of a Death Foretold" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, you totally should. I love the writing style of it, all circular and reporter-like and fun. Plus, the story is really good--you've got honor and murder and religion and apathy and all those fun things (I'd explain more, but I don't know how to talk about the interesting bit of the story without giving stuff away). I really want to at some point try to write something styled like that (shorter, though, as it's basically a sorta small novel) because it's such an interesting form. This is probably the thing that I've had to read for school that I've enjoyed the most all year. Even though I've still got like 30 pages to go in it, actually, now that I think about it. I should finish that. Ha, but I won't be in english class tomorrow because I've got to do the theatre thing, so I don't have to try to get through it tonight. Like I'd do it tonight anyway.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Whoever invented daylight savings time should diediedie. I just started actually getting into some kind of a rhythm where I actually went to sleep at night (though I was still waking up 20 times a night, at least I was going to sleep at a quite early but reasonable hour) and wasn't grotesquely tired in the morning. Well, that's gone.

Not only did I have to get up an hour earlier today (same on Sunday, but it wasn't as bad as I only was up at 7:45ish, meaning it felt like 6:45, which is a bit after when I normally wake up for school), but I had gone to bed only about an hour before that. Miserable. Plus, I didn't have my glasses because I couldn't find them in the morning, so it was impossible to pay attention (I notice that because I can't focus on the teacher or the board or whatever, my ears stop working also), meaning I was even more about to fall asleep. Had to take a bio test this afternoon, probably bombed that as we ended the unit almost a week ago and I hadn't looked at anything since. Definitely did bomb the first half of the chem test, which I know as we graded it in class. I was making stupid mistakes on things I knew the answers to, which was sad for me and indicative of the effect that the bad sleep has on my body.

So. Theatre class hell week is this one and the next. Paper was due Monday, oral presentations (20 minutes, gah!) for how to directorially bring this Beckett play to life on stage are next Monday, portfolio things are due sometime this week or the beginning of next, plus she gave us a new play and wants that read by the beginning of next week. Still not talking to the teacher, anyway, after the whole losing my paper and lying about it and then giving me no credit when I tried to give her another copy thing.

Mock trial. Still have to talk about that at some point, because I want to, and I've got two trials to complain about. Had a meeting Monday, but I couldn't go due to said bio test. Evidently, both my witness for my prosecution direct examination and my lawyer (from regionals, not my original lawyer) when I'm a witness can't go to state.

Did I mention that? We're going to the state competition. Which is cool. But I'm sort of tired of the case by now. It would be much more enjoyable if I didn't hate the case, but by now, I pretty much just want it to be over. Anyway.

State starts the Friday of spring break, right before we come back. People are out of town. And as such can't go. So if I have to train a new witness and a new lawyer (as I had to do once already for the latter), these weeks and the actual trials (we're going to get killed, we know it, as we've practiced maybe eleven times, counting practice trials, total and the kinds of teams we're up against meet every day all year working on these things) are going to be not enjoyable at all. I know we're going to get kicked out right away, I'm totally realistic about that, but I don't want to lose simply because we're doing the third recasting this season.

Yes. So. I have chemistry to learn for this test, math to learn because I totally was caught off guard by both the fact that we had a quiz Monday and everything on said quiz, and a whole lot of english to do--it's a quadruple assignment for this novel: read all 150 pages of the bitch (okay, it's shortish, but annoying), annotate the play (not an unreasonable directive, but I have the feeling that she's the type that wants something written for every sentence, which is), do a journal entry for it analyzing the style and themes and stuff (which she undoubtedly expects to be an exhaustive analysis of the thing), and fill out a worksheet that's essentially just another journal entry. And she expects the two hours of class to be sufficient for all of this work. Moron. I'm not even going to finish reading it, there's no chance. I'm barely forcing my way through the sparknotes right now. Going to finish that (meaning the sparknotes, I'm not messing with anything else) and then go to bed, as yet again, it somehow ended up being almost 4 in the morning without me realizing it.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
So. I'm really stressing about this mock trial thing tomorrow today. Because I don't have my stuff memorized. And I really need to, because evidently I got docked big time for using notes first round. Umm, it's specifically in the rules that you can't dock for using notes, but they do it anyway, which pisses me off.

School is probably more stressing right now. I'm behind in everything, but the quarter ends Friday, so all the time that I thought I had to gather courage and ask teachers to be able to make up work is gone. And even if they agreed to let me, between mock trial Tuesday and Thursday, preparing for it tonight and Wednesday, I have no evenings to do this work. My report card's going to suck, I'm not going to be able to bring my grades up for semester at all, and I'm going to be right back where I used to be, with straight Bs and prolly a couple of Cs at the rate I'm going. It's totally different from previous years, though, because back then it was more "Oh, I do just what I need to to get by", but now I can't force myself to work. At all. I stress and get sick whenever I think about it, so I don't work, trying to avoid said stress, but really just cause more by not doing the work. I've said this all a thousand times, but it's never helped me.

Mock trial coach lady yelled at us on Sunday for bitching about the team combination thing. I was going to defend myself (because she made it seem like we were defaming the personal qualities of the people on the team while that was not the case; we simply discussed how their skill wasn't up to par and mainly how we disagreed with the policy. With the skill bit, it's the same way that you would say "Yeah, so and so's not good at math, really.") and explain that we're simply in disagreement with her decision to select the team in that manner, but the group she was bitching at was comprised halfly of people who weren't involved at all, so were I to start talking back, it would drag them into it and I didn't want to do that. She wants me to wear this suit jacket thing of hers, though, which is pretty much too small. I'm like "Okay, but I can't so much button it as not." She's like "Yeah, that's fine". I'm not crazy about it, honestly, I'm a fan of my mostly unbuttoned red long sleeved dress shirt and low cut black tanktop underneath when we're going against co-ed and guys' schools. Kidding, but it's more comfortable than trying to smush a tight jacket on top of that.
Speaking of, I've got to go find my pants. They were in the bathroom for a while, but I finally threw them down the laundry chute a few days ago. So they're in the laundry room in the basement somewhere. Which means that they're undoubtedly wrinkly (even though these pants are really good at staying unwrinkled, there's only so much they can take) so I'll have to get up early and iron them. Grr. Though not, I guess, because I'm pretty sure I'm going home before trial like I usually do (for just an hour or so, but I can't stand being away from home for 16 hours like that without time to sit down and relax).

English journal conferences this week. Realized I haven't been doing my journal at all this quarter. I have maybe four pages of it. Shit. And my grade is hugely riding on this thing. I heard one girl had one zero and it brought her down to a 79%. My one zero in that class is for a huge thing. I've got to be practically failing.

Spanish test tomorrow also. Same with bio. Both grades also riding on these tests. Got a 73% on the last Spanish test (I, along with more than half the class, got one entire conjugation section wrong for some reason) and I never do well on the vocab quizzes, so I doubt I've got higher than a B- in there at the moment. Bio is easy, but I don't know this stuff that well (as he really didn't teach it, grr) and it's all diagrams and such to draw and essays. Multiple choice I can get, because those tend to be easy, but I have to diagram from scratch a bunch of stuff. Grr.

Started a book Sunday evening, finished it this afternoon: Trial by Journal by Kate Klise. It's a kids' book, really, but I thought it was entertaining. It's a quick read, something to do while you're lounging around and want to do something easy but fun for two hours. Twas cute. I had started going back through and rereading the Everworld books, but I can't find my copy of book 3, so I stopped until I can locate it (I'm not one for reading out of order when I've not read the books for several years) and my sister really loves the Klises' books, and this was lying around, so I picked it up.

So. I'm going to finish this fic I'm reading and then go to bed. Because yay, sleep. I've been doing that a lot lately. Ish. I'm waking up every 2 hours or so, more and more frequently as it gets closer to morning. I'm falling asleep for 15 minutes and then waking up as it nears 6:30. So I'm having to sleep for longer periods to counter the fact that I'm not getting good sleep. I've given up on the whole stay up to do work thing. I don't do the work anyway, so why the hell am I staying up? It's odd, though, if I go to bed at 10ish and get up at 6ish (like I did Sunday night), you'd think I wouldn't always be as tired as I am. My mum makes these comments about how I spend all my time sleeping, and I'm like "But I don't--I can't sleep most of the time!" I get really defensive about it, for some reason. An odd one, I am.
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Continuing to fill up your flists.

Wrote a paper last night. We needed external sources for it, though, and I couldn't find any that would work. So I spent hours searching for the sources thinking that I should play my paper to the sources seeing as how there were so few/no useful ones, thus needing the sources first, instead of just writing the paper, finding crappy sources, and quoting them with total throwaway lines that were already in my paper and don't really say anything hugely meaningful. And I spent a long time looking. Obscure Nathaniel Hawthorne short stories are hard to find literary criticism on. I actually started looking for stuff a little before I went to work, more when I got back (though I was doing other things at the same time, I was at least looking), and then for several hours. Just counting the time when I finally forced myself away from everything else to focus completely on the source finding, I figure I spent a good 3 hours just trying to find things to cite. So. With the source finding, I ended up not finishing it by 6:30 Monday morning (meaning when I've got to stop doing whatever and get dressed and catch the bus) and as such spent most of my class time/lunch all day writing down the last two paragraphs. I was supposed to type them up and send them to the teacher right after school, but then my brother ran in the house to beat me onto the computer and I was too tired to fight with him and fell asleep before he got off. So I'm going to tell her that and send it to her nowish (I still haven't actually typed it, I only just remembered I needed to a few minutes ago) hope she doesn't decide to give me a zero. Hopefully I'll be okay, because my stomach is still all with the urghy lately and I've not quite gotten over whatever it was, meaning sleep is needed like whoa, and she seems to like me.

So yeah. Got home, slept for close to four hours, sister woke me up. Twas niceish, though, because she woke me up to ask me if I wanted to watch Heroes because it was about to start. Couldn't get back to sleep, though, which made me sad. I actually did get about an hour last night, because I realized that I wasn't working on my paper very strongly and decided to get a little bit of sleep and resume working on it even harder (because of the less time as a result of the sleeping) rather than semi-work all night and get no sleep at all. But I'm pretty tired right now, and I've still got a lot to do. With all the sick I've been having lately, I'm so behind it isn't even funny. I'm just trying to get the work done that's due each day and I haven't had time to work on the stuff that's late at all. I'm doing really poorly in all my classes because of it and it's making me miserable, because I've got bad grades and so much work to do, which makes me feel all depressed and bad, which makes me feel up to doing even less work. But I'm dropping calc as a credit course and just auditing it, so I don't have to worry about my miserable grade in there anymore at least.

I don't know what's up with me now. I'm completely avoiding doing all work. Not just procrastinating--I'm not doing it. I've completely given up, and because I don't feel all miserable particularly right now (though my hugely miserable is on a different scale than other people's), I can't figure out why. If I was all hugely depressed and not doing my work, I'd get it. And though I am slightly depressed right now, it's not to the point where it normally begins to impede my functioning this much. I get physically ill when thinking about all the work I have to do/should have done, which just sounds like stress, but I make it worse by then not doing it. You know, come to think of it, this is really just a continuation of my procrastination thing. When I'm not doing the work, I'm usually not thinking about it, meaning that I don't feel all stressed and sick. I used to put it off until the last possible minute because I was avoiding the physical symptoms that come as a result of realizing how much shit I've got to do. (Of course, just doing it immediately and then not having the intermittent stress every time I remember what I've got to do/think about it would be much smarter, but my body doesn't know that and just wants to avoid the pain for as long as possible.) I've moved beyond that to just not doing anything. And I hate it, because I know that not doing it makes it worse because I'm agonizing over not doing it, but my dumb brain wants to avoid whatever is causing the anxiousness for as long as possible, and I've just moved from as long as possible to never.

Defense mechanisms. I'm full of them. I kinda hate my brain.

Especially because it lets me sit here and type things and angst for 2.5 hours when I've still got all this work that I could be doing. *headdesk*
commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Yeah. The 2.5 or so kM to the doctor's office today was not fun. Because it was snowing. And I love snow, but it was bloody freezing. My hair literally froze this morning when I was walking outside (because I was dumb and didn't take a shower at night because I fell asleep). I couldn't feel my legs by the time I got there. And then I had to wait an hour after the appointment was supposed to be (which was strange, because usually I get to go in relatively quickly there) and then the doctor, because she was running so late, got me out of there pretty quickly, which wasn't fun. She still talked to me like she always does about books and school and such, but sometimes I'll be in there for a good 45 minutes just talking, and this time it was like 10, including time to get prescriptions and such.

I was all happylike though because she said that I could take my ritalin the way I want to take it whenever I want to take it and not every day like my other dumb doctor said I had to. Because since I don't need it every day, I don't want to waste the pills and by extension, the copay for the prescription, when it's not going to help me. She compared it to an espresso--because some days you just need that little bit of help. It made me smile, because you don't often think of doctors comparing ritalin to coffee.
And she stuck me on the pill to even out my crazy hormone-related mood issues. Twas what I was expecting, but it still seems sort of weird. Because, I mean, not like I need it for any other reason. ;) I'm a bit worried about how you supposedly gain like 15 pounds when they put you on it, though. Because I can't afford that. I've been stuck at the same weight for so long that it's killing me, but I'd much rather stay here than go 15lbs higher.

So yes. It was cold and I nearly died (okay, exaggeration, but dumb drivers don't know the meaning of pedestrian right of way!), but then my dad took me to Taco Bell, which was actually good this time around. I made them leave off the spicy bits from the cheesy bean and rice burrito thing and then mixed in the extra pintos and rice (though the sign is really confusing-- it said "Pintos and Cheese or Rice" and I thought that meant pintos and cheese or pintos and rice. But no. Pintos and cheese or just rice. Sadness. But then my dad ordered both, because he's nice like that.

And! Ohyay. I'm wearing earrings. Yeah. Doesn't seem that cool, does it? But every pair of earrings I've put in my ears in the past 2 years or so have made them go all red and itchy and swollen. In literally 30 seconds after putting them in, my ears would be intolerably annoying. But dad found these somewhere (I think they're supposed to be Mardi Gras-y or something because they've got the purple/gold/green bead thing going on) and they've got the tragedy/comedy masks, one on one earring and the other on the other and he hands them to me and is like "Here you go," (I think it may have been sort of an apology for the crap between me and mom on Sunday, even though it wasn't his fault at all) and I'm all "Yay, they're pretty. . ." and I'm sort of thinking 'They're lovely, but I can't wear them,' and he then goes "They're gold, so they should work in your ears." And I was excited. At first, I put them in and it felt like my ears were going to react (one did start to for a little bit), but now I've had them in for a few hours and they're totally fine. So yay for that. And I've got this necklace thing on, it's just like black cord with little beads woven in, but it's kinda cool. So I feel special.

But not so special, as I was getting out my english paper to work on/finish it and the file corrupted. Or something. I couldn't get it to open originally, and now I can't get Word to read the file. So, erm, I'm going to have to tell the teacher that I managed to screw up the file and am going to have to write the bloody paper over again. This after it wouldn't even turn on this morning. Grr. The cold screws up computers just like it screws up my brain.

*gives up on english paper. goes to bed.*

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