May. 9th, 2011

commotiocordis: Green on black, an animated depiction of a normal heart rhythm on an ECG monitor. (Default)
Re: my final tomorrow. I'm just going to tell my professor that I can't take it yet; I've missed all but maybe 3 lectures for it, so it's going to take me a little while to catch up.

That sounds much more confident than I actually am.

I'm still terrified she's going to say no, and tell me to either take it now or get a zero. (I'd probably not get much above a zero were I to take it, so it's not much of a choice.) I should have emailed her and made an appointment to come in, because she did eventually pretty much offer to work out an arrangement to give me an Incomplete, but . . . yeah, I have no excuse for that except that talking to teachers triggers every bit of social anxiety and panic disorder in my body.

Fuck.

I really should start studying now anyway so I can take the test ~eventually (I'd like to get it done this week), but I'm freaking out too much about having to talk to my teachers. I know if I look at even just how much material I have to learn, I'll flip straight into panic attack mode.

The cure for this is mindless TV and knitting, and just taking it one stressful thing at a time. Talking to them now, test sometime in the future.

But at some point, I'm going to have to pussy up and stop coping with things that way, because hell, I'm putting off making arrangements to put things off, and that's obviously Really Quite Wrong.

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